"Full Disclosure"

I’m an adviser to John McCain’s campaign. 1
Siri calls me “Funk Deity.” 2
Aside from lessons in pole dancing——another fad workout sweeping Southern California——this may be the least macho exercise of all time. 3

I am not a cat person. 4
My mother was one for many years. 5
I am a professor of Shakespeare, among other subjects, at UCLA,
and this has never happened to me. 6

I am a sucker for the man-befriends-nonhuman-creature genre of sitcoms. 7
I have no complaints about how much I make. 8

When the New America Foundation moves its offices in D.C., next week,
Foreign Policy will become our tenants,
but I hasten to add, in the spirit of nonprofit-dom,
that we are billing them at cost. 9

Cillizza is wearing my jacket on MSNBC right now. 10
I am a member. 11
Yes. 12

I’m proud to call David a friend. 13
I used to intern for Miller. 14
My husband received a one-year fellowship from the Charles Koch Foundation,
and works for Reason Magazine,
which I believe receives some funding from David Koch. 15

Disney is the parent company of ABC News but the company has in no way
urged me to endorse them or the diapers their characters appear on. 16
Gizmodo is owned by Gawker Media and that is 100 percent of the reason
why I am reviewing a commercial. 17

I am an editor for Time Out New York;
the New York and Chicago publications are separate entities;
and Time Out had no involvement in this event. 18

Pink slime may also contain traces of smear. 19
We never got what the big deal was about “Umbrella.” 20

1 Politico, “Dept. of poor timing” [source]

2 Buzzfeed, “The iPhone ‘Call Me Rock God’ Ad Is Now Watchable” [source]

3 Outside, “Star Power” [source]

4 @silviakillings [source]

5 The Atlantic, “The Ever-Shrinking Role of Tenured College Professors (in 1 Chart)” [source]

6 Tablet, “Smells Fishy” [source]

7 Time, “TV Tonight: Wilfred: Man’s Best Frenemy” [source]

8 CNN.com, “Seriously? Doctors say they’re underpaid” [source]

9 The New Yorker, “Where In The World Is Osama Bin Laden?” [source]

10 @AaronBlakeWP [source]

11 The Atlantic, “Here’s Why Democrats Shouldn’t Get Complacent About Republican Disarray” [source]

12 The New Yorker, “The New Page Six” [source]

13 The New Republic, “Dead Letter” [source]

14 The New Republic, “The Other Endorsement” [source]

15 The Daily Beast, “Could There Be A Conservative LA Times?” [source]

16 ABCNews.com, “Change a Diaper, Learn a Fun Fact” [source]

17 Gawker, “The 31 Most Powerful Promo Seconds You’ll See This Afternoon: Gizmodo: The Gadget Testers, The Commercial” [source]

18 The New York Times, “After the Deluge, an Outpouring of Support From Afar” [source]

19 The Colbert Report [source]

20 The Cut, “Rihanna Has Clothing Line on Her Agenda Enda Enda” [source]


There’s a special place in hell…

Yes, Virginia…

If I weren’t an actor…

Like the man says…

What we talk about when we talk about…

It is a truth universally acknowledged…

Elon Green is a contributing editor to Longform. Photo by Russell Sprague.