If I Weren’t An Actor…

I think I’d have gone mad.¹
I’d probably be in prison or dead.²
I'd always look like someone out of Middle-earth.³

I’d be a lawyer.⁴
I’d be an event planner.⁵
I’d be a hypnotist, like Paul McKenna.⁶
I'd be a surgeon, like my dad.⁷

I would have been a journalist.⁸
I would have been a photographer.⁹

I'd be: maybe an interior designer.¹⁰
I would be in psychology.¹¹
Oh, Lord knows, maybe I'd be a professional action figure or something.¹²

I'd be the British Justin Bieber, probably!¹³
I'd be: building furniture.¹⁴
I'd be a burglar or seafarer.¹⁵
I'd be a secret agent.¹⁶
I'd be singing jingles or something.¹⁷

I would probably still be in Trondheim, Norway.¹⁸
I would probably be a painter or some kind of artist.¹⁹
I would probably be on the street.²⁰

Would I be so worried about having dessert?²¹

I don't know if I could do this job.²²
I don't know what the alternative would be.²³
It would be prison, death or insanity.²⁴

¹ Laurence Olivier [source]
² Danny Trejo [source]
³ Nick Offerman [source]
⁴ Debra Messing [source]
⁵ Tiffani Thiessen [source]
⁶ Karen Gillan [source]
⁷ Laura Prepon [source]
⁸ Dev Anand [source]
⁹ Neil Nitin Mukesh [source]
¹⁰ Jennifer Aniston [source]
¹¹ Claire Danes [source]
¹² Natalie Portman [source]
¹³ Thomas Law [source]
¹⁴ Ed Begley Jr. [source]
¹⁵ Anthony Hopkins [source]
¹⁶ Elijah Wood [source]
¹⁷ Kel Mitchell [source]
¹⁸ Liv Ullmann [source]
¹⁹ Gugu Mbatha-Raw [source]
²⁰ Viola Davis [source]
²¹ Lauren Graham [source]
²² Ronald Reagan [source]
²³ Adrien Brody [source]
²⁴ Tom Hardy [source]

Previously: Like The Man Says




Elon Green is a contributing editor to Longform.