Like The Man Says...

If you try to use booze to solve a problem, 

One day you’re gonna discover that you have two problems.1
It’s one hell of a double act.2

People talk about the joy of sex, 

But it don’t last nothin’ like shootin’ anvils.3
When they lay you on the table, better keep your business clean.4

If it’s out there, it’s in here.5

Show me a love story and I’ll show you a tragedy.6
Eternal vigilance is where it’s at.7
Some days the shit comes down so heavy 

You feel like wearing a hat.8

There aren’t enough Nazis 

For everyone you suspect to possibly be one.9
Nothing brings you down like your hometown.10
No one ever said patience was a deadly quasar.11
It is time to get slammed.12

The boss tells you what to do.
But if you want to know how to do it, you got to ask the mule skinner.13
The rules change 

And you operate within the new rules.14

You can’t make an omelette.15
You gotta have a gimmick.16
Everybody must get stoned.17
You made me what I am today

And you’d bloody well better be satisfied.18
Don’t take life too seriously. 
You’ll never get out of it alive.19

1Dead Boyfriends, David Housewright [source]
2The Independent, “Like the man says, it’s one hell of a double act” [source]
3Riverfront Times, “It Ain’t Rocket Science: Like the man says: People talk about the joy of sex, but it don’t last nothin’ like shootin’ anvils” [source]
4The New York Times, “The Morning Skate: No Summer Angels for the N.H.L.” [source]
5CMJ New Music Monthly, “Reviews” [source]
6Winterwood: And Other Hauntings, Keith Roberts [source]
7Field & Stream, March 1970 [source]
8Mourners: A Nameless Detective Novel, Bill Pronzini [source]
9A Second in Time, Carole McEntee-Taylor [source]
10New York, “Urban Renewal” [source]
11Marooned: The Next Generation of Desert Island Discs, Phil Freeman [source]
12Newsweek, “Our Man Goes To The Mat” [source]
13Of Mice and Men, John Steinbeck [source]
14AutoWeek, “Where there’s smoke; Will Congress strip racing of its tobacco and beer sponsorship dollars” [source]
15Boys’ Life and Other Plays, Howard Korder [source]
16A Raw Mix of Carelessness and Longing, Cecelia Frey [source]
17Weekly World News, “Letters to the Editor [source]
18The Complete Adventures of Toffee, Charles F. Myers [source]
19Rabbit’s Feet [source]
20The Nick Tosches Reader, Nick Tosches [source]

Previously: It Is A Truth Universally Acknowledged…, On The Internet Nobody Knows You’re A…, A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To…, Reader, I… and What We Talk About When We Talk About…

Elon Green writes supply-sider agitprop for ThinkProgress and Alternet.