Which day of the week is the most depressing and dangerous to your health? Let's just go with "all of them."

I was in a cab last night and it had one of those Taxi TV screens that, no matter how insistently you tapped, refused to turn itself off. Fortunately I was able to learn this bit of news, which seems like something important enough to share.

Why are cellphones getting bigger? Because they are replacement cocks.

"Because of an editing error, a picture caption last Sunday with a letter to the sports editor, 'The Sopranos: Players Shriek, Eardrums Ache,' reversed the pitches of the shrieks of the tennis players Maria Sharapova and Victoria Azarenka. As Marilyn Vondra, the writer of the letter, noted, Sharapova shrieks on high A flat and Azarenka on high G."

"The City Room column in some editions last Thursday, about Philip L. Sherman, a mohel who has, by his own estimate, performed 20,000 ritual circumcisions, erroneously included the name of a celebrity among those whose families were his clients. The son of Michael J. Fox was not circumcised by Mr. Sherman."

This Sunday's game starts at 6:30 EST.

"An article in some editions on Friday about the closings of two of New York’s musical mainstays — Bleecker Bob’s Golden Oldies in Greenwich Village and the performance space Southpaw in Brooklyn — misstated the plans for the record store’s property. While a manager at Bleecker Bob’s said it would become a Starbucks, the company says it will not open a store there."

"Some biologists recommend making a fist with your hand and shoving it down the wolf’s throat to prevent it from biting; if a wolf can’t breathe, it will probably decide that attacking you isn’t worth the effort."

"Some TIME writers and I combed through the lyrics to Jay-Z’s 15 studio albums (both solo and collaborative) and this is what we’ve found: 109 out of 217 songs contain the word 'Bitch.' That’s 50.2% of Jay-Z’s entire lyrical output. Hova’s bitchiest album appears to be 1998’s Vol 2…Hard Knock Life, on which 71% of the songs feature the newly illicit B-word."

Oh, sure, that iPad looks all innocent and friendly, but it is secretly plotting your demise in its beady little brain.