“From the stunning sadism that brought you an entire brood of Deadpool droogs comes the chromosomal clusterhiccup that is Lady Deadpool. Agile, armed, and a howling she-lunatic, this recluse is robbed of the only thing she adores more than binge eating: cable TV. In an America ravaged by colossal debt and careening unemployment, the loss of the glowing idiot box is more than this girl can take. Why won’t the government do anything? How is General America complicit? Was the genocide of all sitcom writers necessary? Should Wanda ransack the loins of a hot activist? Probably. ’Cause this Merc with a Mouth packs lipgloss. And it’s sticky.”
-YOU GUYS? HOLY SHIT. Marvel Comics’ LADY DEADPOOL #1, written by MARY HK CHOI, drops in July.

Here we go, people. Now, we can finally sit at home and, using only our Internets, we can correct the Mainstreams Medias of their errors. “A media bug is a correctable error or problem in a news story or media report,” explains new website Media Bugs. All you gotta do is go to their site, record your GRIPE with the MEDIAS, and then everyone will know the TRUTH. The lying Obama newspapers just got scared. (Offer only valid in the Bay Area.) So for instance, “Listing for Josh Kornbluth’s show ‘Andy Warhol: Good for the Jews?’ says the show is at the Jewish Community Center in SF, but actually it’s at The Jewish Theater in the Theater Artaud building. There’s a comment pointing out the error but it’s still showing with the wrong info on the Express home page.” THE CASE IS STILL OPEN but they’ll get these LIES fixed! (via)

Who is most likely to pretend to orgasm? Economist Hugo M. Mialon has it all figured out: “[M]en and women who believe their partner can tell whether they are faking are less likely to fake; men and women who love their partner are more likely to fake; and men who are closer to age eighteen and women who are closer to age thirty are less likely to fake.” There is also a correlation between education and the potential for prevarication, which once again proves my theory that college is a waste of time.

Six military people just chained themselves to that tacky White House fence. Obvs, they were arrested. You know I’m of two minds. On the one hand, it’s like, ugh, America is denying jobs to a distinct class of people, and most of those are poor people who already have limited choices in jobs! This is terrible. And on the other hand, you know I’m always thinking: just how badly do these homos want to drive around foreign countries in armored cars and kill people? Clearly really badly.

As The Awl observes its one-year anniversary today, we thought it might be good to spend some time in self-assessment. What better tool to use for this self-inventory than the CDC’s “Important Milestones: By the End of One Year (12 Months)”?

Social and Emotional
â– Shy or anxious with strangers
At the very least, The Awl often does not play well with others.

â– Cries when mother or father leaves
Especially dislikes when David Cho is “out at meetings” (consuming Korean beef products).

â– Enjoys imitating people in his play
Oh, sure.

â– Shows specific preferences for certain people and toys
Mm hmm.

â– Tests parental responses to his behavior
Cough.

Repeats sounds or gestures for attention
No doubt.

Cognitive

â– Explores objects in many different ways (shaking, banging, throwing, dropping)
Shaking; bangin’; throwing.

â– Finds hidden objects easily

â– Begins to use objects correctly (drinking from cup, brushing hair, dialing phone, listening to receiver)
I’ll let you know when I finish this newly-legal cat stiletto smush video.

Language
â– Pays increasing attention to speech
Hmm….

â– Responds to simple verbal requests
You ask, we e’splain!

â– Responds to “no”
Or responds with “no”?

â– Babbles with inflection (changes in tone)
Definitely!

â– Uses exclamations, such as “Oh-oh!”
Quite regularly!

â– Tries to imitate words
I mean. Is there anything else we do but imitate words?

The 17 Absolute Worst, Least Worthwhile, Utterly Embarrassing Posts Published On The Awl In Its First Year

17. Janet Malcolm’s Abandoned Autobiography
16. Bless Your Heart, Bhairavi Desai
15. Lone German Helping NYC the Only Way He Knows How
14. Even Actors Find Out that the New Currency is Attention
13. ChatRoulette Explained: Hot Girls Don’t Get Nexted
12. Dim Princeton Freshman Signs Herself Up For Lonely, Friendless Four Years
11. How To Ruin Valentine’s Day For Straight People
10. Cat Blizzard Videos Made By People Who Should Have Cats Taken Away
9. How To Stop The Internet Comments
8. What Were Black People Talking About on Twitter Last Night?
7. My Baby? My Baby Seems So Smart But I’m Also Scared About My Baby
6. The Brevity of Enthusiasms, or, OMFG ‘Avatar’ FTW!
5. How To Barbecue A Turkey-The Super Easy Way For Morons
4. Stop Being a Wuss: How To Make Pie Crusts the Easy Way
3. Listicle without Commentary: The 85 Best Morrissey Solo Songs, In Order
2. How To Make A Pizza
1. Perez Hilton Hates Miss California And He’s Right?

One intrepid baseball blogger has decided to chart the duration of this season’s home-run trots from the time the player’s bat connects to the time his foot touches home plate. (“Taking time to admire the flight of the ball, or slowing down to walk or leap into home plate, absolutely counts against the player,” the rules note.) The shortest path around the bases so far came on Opening Day, although that record (sigh) has an asterisk attached; the Arizona Diamondbacks’ Stephen Drew’s 15.84-second trip was on an inside-the-park home run that came after a ball caromed off a wall in right-center field, so being quick was in his best interest. The No. 2 trot was only .02 seconds shorter, though! [Via]

“In October 1909, Dr. Alexander Lambert boldly announced to a New York Times reporter that he had found a surefire cure for alcoholism and drug addiction. Even more astounding, he stated that the treatment required ‘less than five days.’ The therapy consisted of an odd mixture of belladonna (deadly nightshade), along with the fluid extracts of xanthoxylum (prickly ash) and hyoscyamus (henbane)…. The Towns Hospital attracted only the wealthiest alcoholics and addicts… The cost upon admission was steep: up to $350 (roughly $5,610 today) for a four- to five-day stay.”

An important New York Post trend piece on fake breasts being so out of style that even Hollywood is over them notes that it’s not only the possibility of being sent to the hospital because of bursting implants that’s making their popularity wane — the many un-implanted women showing off their natural assets on the Internet are helping, too. “We [now] see a healthy balance of tastes, not just an overabundance of augmented breasts,” says Internet Nudity Expert Sasha Grey, who apparently is qualified to judge what is a “healthy balance” of physical preferences because of her background as an American Apparel model? For their part, the Post’s always-classy pool of pseudonymous commenters disagreed, saying “Big boobs are where it at!” and “Fake boobs are so hot..if done right…give me a chubby every time. LOL.” So, take it with a grain of salt I guess.

Much of the thought devoted to Lady Gaga has considered her as either a financial entity and/or as a marketing entity-or a straight-up market entity, taking into account the fact that currency is attention and attention is her business. (Um yes and business is good!) But what happens when you judge her as an aesthetic entity, as straight homosexualist Mark Dery does? Let us say he finds her lacking.

“Gaga is the poet laureate of the supremely banal: porntastic fantasies about riding your disco stick and bluffin’ with my muffin, ‘getting shit wrecked,’ dry-humping under the disco ball, dreaming of fame, becoming famous, world-wearily lamenting the Faustian bargain of-yawn-fame, and popping a wide-on worthy of the Sex and the City crew over ‘Louis, Dolce Gabbana, Alexander McQueen, eh ou,’ and of course Manolo.”

It goes on. (AND HOW.) Apparently she compares very unfavorably to Freddie Mercury, but who among us doesn’t? (via)