"Knife crime has to be discouraged, and the only way it can be discouraged is if people know if they carry knives, and are caught carrying knives in a public place, they will be sentenced to a term of imprisonment. For an unknown reason you took the knife used for cutting the christening cake and hid it in your sock. Having been set upon by others you produced the knife and inflicted extremely serious injuries on your cousin. You weren't intending to inflict those injuries on your cousin, but you were intending to inflict injuries on those you saw as attacking you." -Judge Guy Whitburn sentences Karl Thompson of South [...]
Are the inhabitants of Knifecrime Island beginning to renounce their stabby ways? The latest figures from the British Crime Survey show a 7% drop in overall crime in 2009. Also: "Violent crime, burglary and robbery all fell last year. Only sexual offences showed an increase, rising by 2 per cent to 53,239. The level of gun and knife crime also fell, including a 21 per cent drop in fatal stabbings." Bicycle thefts are apparently up, but that is cold comfort to those of us who admire the nation's fondness for the dagger and the alacrity with which they wield it. Maybe it just means doctors are getting better [...]
"Of course they all go about with knives because it's exciting. Horrifying! I think they're bored stiff. Nobody's said, ‘Hey boys, I want you lot in my ship now, we're off to have a really immense adventure.' In the old days, because of Empire, our young men were always going out to do something. And now they're not. And now we've got those same boiling boys and we expect them to sit and watch X Factor! Are we mad?" -Ab Fab star/Gurkha advocate Joanna Lumley explains how Knifecrime Island got that way.
When London hosts the Olympics in 2012, athletes at the highest level of their sports will be competing in a stadium constructed out of recycled knives and guns. And this is not a new thing for Knifecrime Island: Recycled weaponry is frequently "melted down and used in the structures of bridges and buildings, as well as in car and train production" and also winds up in photo frames and jewelry. Even the very crown that rests upon the monarch's head was made from old Robbins of Dudley push daggers. Prince Charles is PART SWITCHBLADE. They like knives, is what I'm saying.
Knifecrime Island's "It Doesn't Have To Happen" campaign-aimed at reducing the number of, yes, knife crimes-is launching a new round of advertisements in hopes of convincing Britain's stabby youth to leave their knives at home when they hit the town. Also, "a music video called Don't Shank Just Skank, featuring members of the taskforce and artists including Donaeo, Rollin' G, and DJ Luck and MC Neat, aims to spread the anti-knife message through music and dance." The BBC helpfully explains that "the track is based on the dance craze skank and the slang term for knife, shank." I'm not a huge skank fan (the dance craze, obvs, not [...]
