Friday, May 21st, 2010

Less Stupid: Two for the Road

IT'S AN AWL COMMENT?It seems like only yesterday when this website hit the 100,000 comment mark. Which it was. In recognition of that auspicious event, I asked if The Awl would consider regular posts where less stupid comments are highlighted for awl to enjoy.

Why? Because I love the comments and I love you. No, not you. YOU.

I love KarenUhOh's well-crafted one-offs. I love scroll_lock's puns. I love Matt's childish obsession with Green Lantern. I love Bad Uncle's 1970's gear head humor, Nic Fit's references to Michael Alig and Abe's mid-western independence. I love mathnet's conversations with herself and HiredGoons' lively retorts.

You just scanned that list for your name and didn't see it? Well, I love you too. And I am going to recognize your wonderful comments soon in exchange for a sexual favor, to be given to me here in Chicago.

Just so we are all clear, this will not be an award or a game show. There's no funny name and we are not giving away merit badges. What we will be doing is merely trying to offer the noble reader a chance to catch up on some stuff that's easy to miss at the end of the day and the end of the post. Also, I can absolutely guarantee you that I will miss some of your brilliance because I am slow, fairly incompetent and desperately illiterate.

But I also promise you that every day, if I am sober, an interesting comment and/or exchange will be chosen for your reading pleasure. Funny's always good but insight and edification is better. Also, I can't do this alone, so for the love of God, send me some recommendations.

So without further adieu, our let's do two!

Our first less stupid comment comes from old #262, kenlayne, who writes in "Limited Edition Denim" Officially Gets Out Of Hand:

"saw these awful things at the store yesterday. It's good to know our nation's unemployed single parents can start their little corn-syrup blobs on the early path of wearing shit-filled undergarments as clothing. And when they are, as TMZ says, All Grow'd Up, they can move up to these 'pajama jeans.' (That is a 'self link.' Oh please do not ban me, Metafilter.) When the Huggies come with a belly-button ring and neck/ass tattoos, America's work will be complete."

Jedi ramifications aside, Mr. Layne paints a picture with words worthy of a tattooed warbling Cyrus herself (Iron Maiden shirt optional).

Soon I gotta bolt for the Motor City this weekend to go sling some rock and enjoy a refreshing Vernors. So I am going to pack it in early and leave you this nugget from today's post, "Financial Reform Bill: Eh, Don't Worry About It!", by the incomparable #220, lawyergay.

I actually have a "job" (okay freelance gig) that requires me to stay on top of this financial reform trainwreck, and I can't read anything about it right now, either.

The "sausage making" metaphor that everyone invokes when talking about Congress and lawmaking doesn't really do this process justice, because when you make sausage, you shove everything into a meat grinder and something sautee-able and delicious comes out. Pretty straightforward!

This is more like 17 hobos making a collage out of macaroni and back issues of the National Review using safety scissors and airplane glue.

Oliver Wendell Holmes and/or John Curtis Holmes couldn't have said it better.

Have a safe weekend and remember to wear sunscreen. And don't forget to email me your suggestions if you see something you like:

64 Comments / Post A Comment


kneetoe (#1,881)

I nominate this comment.

Flashman (#418)

I hope this lasts too.

Tuna Surprise (#573)

And, with this post, the inevitable backsliding into 2006-era Gawker is complete!

Rod T (#33)

Without Tionna Smalls? I think not.

Does this mean we should try to persuade Ketch to come back?

jolie (#16)

@Mantooth: I don't know about you, but I can't handle a Ketchian rejection two days in a row.

@Joles: My "hooray" was originally because I missed the "not." Now I'm not gonna say anything out of spite! Hooray!

jolie (#16)

@Mantooth: He probably has a google alert set up for 'Ketch', that self-satisfied naval-gazer.

@Joles: If we taunt him, he will come?

NinetyNine (#98)

Pewter Star Hotel?

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I knew this was headed for a dark, dark place.

josh_speed (#97)

See: now people will punctuate better.

Yay, Gold Stars are back! Good stuff.

I think this Ken Layne guy is really gonna go places in the blogging world. I can just feel it!

Multiphasic (#411)

If by "places" you mean "Victorville," yeah, I can see that.

cherrispryte (#444)

I have to be less stupid? Shit.

Flashman (#418)

My inner monlogue always translates the masthead as 'Be Even Less Stupid'

Ron Obvious (#351)

Yeah, I'm pretty hosed myself.

Grant G Brown (#3,366)

No shit. Christ the pressure I feel here to not be TOO stupid, in the rare instance I start typing. When I aim for clever it's almost a guaranteed FAIL.

Thankfully Awl commenters are a generous lot, and typically don't berate me.

Matt (#26)


HiredGoons (#603)

It's always just going to be Ronbo.

Rod T (#33)

Ten comments in and no Chicago-bashing? Really? Because Chicago sucks balls, poorly.

petejayhawk (#1,249)



Art Yucko (#1,321)

say that again and they'll stick this up your- haha.

KarenUhOh (#19)

I'm sucking some right now.

Will you doing commenter executions too? You could call it … um, "Less Alive."

gumplr (#66)

"Th-Th-Th-Th-Th-… That's AWL, folks!"

Art Yucko (#1,321)


brent_cox (#40)

I'm getting a bad Lord of the Flies vibe.

HiredGoons (#603)

I'm getting a GOOD Lord of the Flies vibe.

Evie (#3,227)

Man, I was stroking my 2007 Top-10 Commie trophy just this afternoon. I'm gonna have to start training.

mathnet (#27)


dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Be less Dentonish.

Multiphasic (#411)

Oh I get it now. If you comment often enough and sarcastically enough, someone will stab you to death with a woodworking implement. This might just catch on.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

there's a bright future in Awlcrime

theheckle (#621)

Whoa, whoa! When did we become an outpost of Knifecrime Island? If we're going to be an island I want to be Prison Island or possibly Repressed Sexual Perversion Island.

sox (#652)

Repressed Sexual Perversion Prison Island (Stick an awl in it)

Miles Klee (#3,657)

maybe we just combine the sexual aspect and our history with knifecrime island and just go with oedipal complex island

nicole (#2,443)

wait isn't nyc already 'repressed sexual perversion island'? or maybe more accurately, just 'sexual perversion island'? That was what the sales pamphlet said!

NicFit (#616)

As of today I am 152 days free of commenting on Gawker. Thank you, The Awl. (also I think I'm banned or something)

hockeymom (#143)

Does commentating on Defamer count as frequenting Gawker? I can't wean myself from Defamer, now that Richard is back. But I think I've flushed most of the Gawk from my system.

I am forced to go to Gawker because this site's last call is 3 hours before I leave work.

deepomega (#1,720)

I would like it if you never ever put up funny comments, please. Just thoughtful shit that I probably tl;dr'd the first time through.

Using the Lolcait pattern theory, saythatscool is really Cho. Or Cat.

HiredGoons (#603)

I'm pretty sure he's a Muppet.

lawyergay (#220)

I am currently running around my house buck naked with "CHRIS" painted on my chest and "LEHMANN" painted on my back. Yes, the cat helped me with my back.

nicole (#2,443)

the freelance finance research drove you to it?

Aatom (#74)

When are you guys going to start firing all the female contributors?

Aatom (#74)

Or you could just set up a sister site called The Forcep

Or The Speculum for broader appeal. Not all women are child bearing.

keisertroll (#1,117)

And The Tweezer… for kids!

Joe Gallagher (#4,773)

I am kind of opposed to this feature! I do not comment often. Do not often follow comment threads. Do not want to feel alienated like I did with Videogum and their "Monster's Ball" thing.

HiredGoons (#603)

I actually like this – I think it's for the benefit of casual readers and not to promote commenters.

Really about Monster's Ball? I mean, yes, Videogum commenters are certainly a clique-y and insidery lot, but those posts are gold! (Full disclosure: I totally missed the boat on becoming a Videogum commenter, but those guys are really funny. And they literally talked a woman out of killing herself the other week. That's kinda awesome.)

Joe Gallagher (#4,773)

That WAS kind of awesome. But yeah, I too missed the boat. Your rave review has prompted me to check out this week's MB. They were OK. I always liked Why Don't You Caption It. That site as a whole though has just kind of gone down hill, I feel. Now it seems like "Gabe Leads Class of Zany Kids thru Memes and Crappy Movies."

Yeah, I guess I'll admit that I really don't read every-post-every-day like I used to… But Gabe still has a unique and wonderful writing voice! So I'll continue being a Gabe apologist.

But definitely don't feel alienated here!

Joe Gallagher (#4,773)

I actually think being alienated here would be an impossibility for me. It's pretty much, in the last 8 or so months, become my ______ (insert sacred text of choice.) And although I don't comment OFTEN I still weigh in here more than any other site. Cool! Thanks DM.

I acknowledge gawker DNA in both the awl's management and commentariat – like it or not there's a debt to Denton. The models are similar but the awl is a far superior site and it's my favorite place on the internet. I'm also opposed to comment awards as a regular feature. It steals focus and the really great comments from Karen, Goons, Jolie, Math, etc. are generally recognized in the threads.

Needs more taint references.


(am I doing this right?)

saythatscool (#101)


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