We spent the week considering the future (and the past):
Will 2012’s election suck? Can literature last?

We thought about the state of rap, and dapped the genre’s ladies
We read a book about a famous moment from the ‘80s

We pointed out the differences betwixt the east and west
We delved into Shari’a law (which yahoo pols detest)

We tried to keep you current on Wisconsin’s union news
We brought you two perspectives on the status of the Jews

We met a man who quit his job; we mocked the iPad geeks
But fuck all that, we’re leaving now; it feels like it’s been weeks.

Photo by Jason Mrachina, from Flickr.

by A White Man

From time to time, but mostly on Fridays, when we’re tired, The Awl gives over its editorial space to everyday citizens with a point of view. Opinions do not reflect yadda yadda, disclaimer disclaimer.

What the CNN says, for once, is true, buddy: We white folk, which is to say, non-Italians and non-Jews who look like white people, have on the front of their heads the new faces of racial discrimination. And everyone knows it: “A recent Public Religion Research Institute poll found 44% of Americans surveyed identify discrimination against whites as being just as big as bigotry aimed at blacks and other minorities.” Finally someone said it, and when the ladies at the DMV are done being upset about this, we can finally talk about it, person to person. Racism against white people, it is definitely just as “big” as the racism that faces the Orientals and the wetbacks. It’s like as big as a whole house! A really big house, like a plantation or something.

Now I know that the Mexicans are on the rise or whatever, and that now they are being elected mayors of some of our cities that are closer to the wasteland that is Mexico. And as I’m becoming a minority, frankly, I am pants-crappingly concerned about this. When you put a beaner in office, first thing that happens is the public schools start serving tacos and then next thing you know, it’s Spanish for everyone. Even in the math class! How can you teach algebra in Spanish, I ask you. Numbers? They’re in American! How are you supposed to talk math without American numbers?

So the blacks are having all the babies, so the white people are disappearing, and so soon it’ll be Monday Night Basketball, which I don’t enjoy particularly, and I’ll just have to stay home and find something to watch upon the teevee, which will perhaps be golf, a sport not that taken over yet by foreign nationals and the Chinese.

I must say, however, this whole “whiteness studies” up in the universities that the CNN is talking about as a way to measure embattled sensations of whiteness sure sounds interesting. I bet it’s totally about just studying things that are white and neat (like Lynyrd Skynyrd?), and totally not at all about the history of colonialism and white privilege, which doesn’t exist of course. And I’m sure Critical Whiteness Studies is just like a hopped-up version of white studies, like a Trans Am with another Trans Am inside it, not like some pinheaded way of investigating how the law has been used over time to manipulate white people into near-total power.

Fortunately we are beginning to offer these whites-only scholarships, to redress the balance. Everyone knows that “need-blind” is just a code-word for “poor Asians with great test scores.” That the vast, vast, vast majority of financial aid for college in this country has nothing to do with ethnic or racial background, well, hooey, how could that be true! I am sure that it’s just because white people don’t do as well on standardized tests, because they’re biased (so many questions about frijoles and whatnot) and this discrimination means that white people are being kept out of America’s finer universities, also because their grades are also worse than darker students, who study harder. Except at Cornell! And the University of North Carolina in Asheville. Very white. Statistically strangely white. God bless!

A White Man lives and works surprisingly near you, and is busy talking about how Obama is Kenyan, and may in fact be related to you by blood.

Are you up on Moonstrips? They are a delicious type of snack food that I have been enjoying of late. Before I go any further, I should stop and tell you: Moonstrips are a type of matzo. I stole some of them from the company that makes them recently. Sort of. I’ll explain the stealing part more later.

Moonstrips are matzos but they are not plain and tasteless and cardboardy. They are delicious. (And, okay, maybe just a little cardboardy? But not in a terribly off-putting way.) Do you like everything bagels? Of course you do. You live in New York. Or somewhere else. You love everything bagels. They are probably the best kind of bagel. (Them and sesame, if you have some particularly subtle smoked salmon or sturgeon.) Well, Moonstrips, which are made by the kosher food company Streit’s, taste like an everything bagel. They are a crunchy, salty, poppy-and-onion flavored treat.

I learned about them from my kid. He described them to me and my wife once after coming in from the playground outside our apartment building. He said they were crackers that he had tried because there was another kid at the playground whose mom shared them. He said they were the most delicious thing he’d ever tasted. But he’s six, and given to grand hyperbole. My wife and I thought maybe “moonstrips” was just a nickname some parent had made up — maybe for some kind of cheese puff thing or something. It didn’t sound like an official product name to us. Especially for matzo.

But we learned that that’s what it was. That’s the name Streit’s chose for their onion-and-poppy flavored matzo. I don’t know why. The other varieties have more normal names, like “Egg & Onion,” “Salt & Pepper,” and “Mediterranean,” which is flavored with sun dried tomatoes, garlic, basil and olive oil. (Which, yuck. But then, I’ve never tried them. And I never imagined I’d like any matzo as much as I like Moonstrips. So, you never know.)

The Streit’s bakery happens to be located just a couple blocks from my apartment building. It’s at 150 Rivington Street, on the Lower East Side, where Aron Streit started the company in 1925. Aron, who was Jewish and born in Austria, passed the company on to his sons Jack and Irving when he died in 1937. They then passed it on to their daughters, who run it now. This is a point of pride for the company, as it says on the Streit’s website:

“Streit’s still occupies the same four buildings on Rivington Street where Aron and his sons started baking matzos more than seventy years ago. And the matzo bakery is still a family business. Today, Aron’s granddaughters and great-grandsons run the company. Streit’s is the only family-owned and operated matzo company in America. While others have sold out to large corporations, we at Streit’s continue our family tradition of bringing you the best matzo and kosher food products for Passover and year round.”

The Streit’s bakery is a favorite place of mine to stop into and look around. It’s pleasing to the eye; all white tile, with big, industrial ovens and cool conveyer-belt machines tracking in and out of and around them like a Rube Goldberg contraption. I really like old-fashioned food packaging, too, and there’s a small shop attached to the bakery that has the company’s products, in all their colorful cans and jars and boxes, neatly arranged on a three long shelves. Streit’s makes lots of products other than matzo: soups, macaroons, candies, egg noodles, chow mein noodles, soy sauce. You can tell they don’t sell very much if the stuff there, though. I’ve never seen anyone else in the store. I imagine most of their business is in shipping.

So when we found out that the snacks the kid had taken such a liking to were made so close to us — and that they were considerably less loaded with day-glo chemical powder and triple-fried hydrogenated corn starch than most of the snacks he clamors for — we made a point to pick some up. And, again, I was surprised to learn that they’re really good! I’ve been enjoying them plain, or with cream cheese, or whitefish salad or, most recently, with the Old Chatham Sheepherding Company’s camembert cheese, which is what French camembert cheese would taste like if the French knew anything about making camembert cheese.*

It was with the camembert that I finished off our last box. And my kid is supposed to bring in a snack to share with his art class this weekend. And he wants to bring Moonstrips. And I wanted more Moonstrips to keep in the house, too. (Sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to the stealing part, we’re almost there.) So on Tuesday, walking home from a lunch meeting, I stopped back in to Streit’s.

There was no one at the counter in the shop when I got there, so I waited, perusing the goods, wondering if I should buy a can of soup for the collection of cans I keep in my kitchen. I don’t have any Streit’s cans. I decided against. They’re good-looking, but not really display worthy. (Not like Roland Hearts of Palm, say, or The Allens Cut Okra. Now those are beautiful cans!) I found the Moonstrips on the bottom shelf and grabbed two boxes. Then I waited. Through an open door, I could see into the oven area, where two men were working. One of them stood at the bottom of a ramp, catching the two-by-two-foot sheets of matzos that came sliding out of the oven even thirty seconds or so and arranging them neatly in a tray. Once he had a stack of maybe ten, he’d push the tray to his right, where a colleague broke the sheets into smaller sections and put them in metal baskets moving past him on an elevated track. Swinging like the chairs on a chair-lift at a ski resort, the baskets then carried the matzos to another part of the factory. It was fun to watch.

Still, when, after ten minutes of this, no one had shown up at the counter. I was a little frustrated. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to bother the bakers. They were busy keeping up with a conveyor belt. That’s a stressful situation. I remembered what happened to Lucille Ball at the chocolate factory. (These guys might have been under more pressure. These might have been Passover matzos they were making, as Passover’s coming up next month. The kosher requirements get extremely strict this time of year. The matzos have to go from oven to box in under 18 minutes, according to Rabbinical law, or they’re considered leavened.) I didn’t want them to have to push the stop button, shut down their whole operation. I didn’t know if they even had a stop button.

I walked to the back of the shop and poked my head through another open door, which led to a stairwell. “Hello?” I called out. No answer.

I considered just putting the Moonstrips back and the shelf and leaving. But I’d already invested all this time. And then I would have to come back to the store later in the week. Who has time for that?

I finally went over to the door to the even area. It was loud in the there, the machinery, so I had to shout: “Excuse me?”

The guy putting the matzos into the swinging trays looked up.

I shouted again. “Is there anyone here? I’d like to buy something.”

He shrugged and smiled.

I walked back to the door in the back again. No one was coming down the stairs.

I thought about just walking out of the store with the matzos. It would serve them right, I thought, for leaving a store so unattended. For inconveniencing one’s customers like this. What kind of way is this to run a business? But then I felt guilty. I didn’t want to be a thief. I didn’t want to steal stuff. Especially not from such a nice, local, family owned business; one that I imagine is not exactly thriving as the old world changes to the new.

I went back and looked into the oven room. “I’m just gonna leave money on the counter!” I shouted.

The basket guy smiled and waved.

I went back at looked at the matzo shelf. A price-tag under the Moonstrips spot said “$2.00.” I opened my wallet. I had a couple twenties, a five dollar bill and three singles. I felt some coins in my pocket, and fished them out. Two quarters, two dimes, a nickel and two pennies. So I had $3.78.

So, an ethical question. Do you leave an extra dollar extra? No big deal. Just a dollar. But then I’m, what, tipping the place for shitty service?

I guess I could have just bought one box, the one for my kid to take to his art class. But I wanted some Moonstrips for home, too. For myself. Like I said, they’re very tasty.

Technically, I suppose, I am a thief. But I’m not going to lose any sleep over it. I’m thinking of it more like I owe Streit’s 22 cents. Maybe I’ll drop it off sometime if I’m passing by. Or maybe I won’t.

by Abe Sauer

Scott Walker’s budget address to the Wisconsin legislature on Tuesday was a circus — except inside the assembly chamber, where the governor enjoyed a resoundingly warm reception. This reception was suspiciously affectionate: on Wednesday, we looked at the makeup of the west gallery audience, where attendees — every one of them — stood and cheered most loudly during the address.

What kind of special access was granted to the assembly chamber that day? How did everyone get in? Let’s look at Larry Meade, blogger and also spouse of Ann Althouse, the most influential conservative blogger in the region and a UW-Madison law professor, where she teaches Constitutional Law I and other classes. (Walker’s budget hits close to home for Althouse: it proposes that UW-Madison become a “quasi-public authority” — and there are now 11 lobbyists leading that charge.)

A video was posted on Althouse’s blog: “Meade got into the Capitol for the governor’s speech, and, afterward, shot this video.” It has footage of the address from the east gallery. An earlier post featured photos from Meade in the gallery.

Meade did not have press credentials. When I asked Althouse about how he got in, she told me, “Legislators had tickets to give out, and he was given one. With a ticket, you got in for the speech.”

Which legislator let Meade in? Althouse and Meade live in the University Heights area of Madison, which is represented by Brett Hulsey (D-77). Their Senator, Democrat Fred Risser, is currently in Illinois to prevent a quorum and was not the source of the pass.

In another posting (misquoting her own husband/reporter), Althouse said that “I could have been there too, but I’ve got a class at 4:30, and we need to talk about the Commerce Clause.”

Representative Hulsey’s office confirmed that it did not let Meade in — what’s more, that “no tickets were allotted to Rep. Hulsey.”

Ann Althouse did not respond to further questions about Meade’s presence in the gallery or who let him in.

So: two prominent local cheerleaders of Governor Scott Walker had access to the address, without going through their Representative (who was, interestingly, provided with no tickets, in any event), while thousands of Wisconsin citizens remained locked outside. This is the sort of thing that raises questions about the extent of special access in Madison, in light of Walker’s relationship with Koch Industries and the makeup of the audience in general for the budget address.

And the questions about lack of access to those who oppose Walker became downright goofy last night, when Representative Nick Milroy had a physcial altercation with capitol police while trying to enter his office. A misunderstanding probably, but symbolic all the same. The Capitol is closed until Monday, by a judge’s order. The last protesters left the building at 10 p.m. Don’t believe the widespread reports about “$7.5 million” in damage to the Capitol, either.

Abe Sauer can be reached at abesauer at gmail dot com.

Things Of Note That Have Happened In Central Florida In The Last Three Weeks, According To The Orlando Sentinel Breaking News Team

by Mike Riggs

• Report: Ex-Disney janitor accused of trying to meet girl for sex

• Cops: Pepper spray ‘attack’ at yogurt shop was accident

• Baby-sale mom sentenced to 2 years

• Inmate suffers heart attack, nurse provides no treatment

• Madame Toussads wax museum, huge ferris wheel could be on way to I-Drive

• Hard winter for manatees, as well as dolphins

• Beef jerky wrapper leads to ‘officer down’ arrest

• Report: Dad accused of taking son along on robbery spree

• Report: Child-sex suspect: ‘I went too far’

• Eduardo Gonzalez pleads guilty in beer-spill murder case

• Police name man found dead near Walmart http://bit.ly/ifsUtw

• Report: Sex offenders getting booted from Orlando camp today

• Body found in search for man who fell off jet ski in Lake Barnett

• Livestock takes center stage at Central Florida Fair

• Orlando doctor in pill-mill inquiry had drug, sex parties

• Marion officials rescue dogs, goats, donkeys from RV, van

• Trial starts in murder case involving spilled beer at pub

• Disney electrician arrested on exposure, lewdness charges

• Report: Dolphins help rescue missing Marco Island dog

• Magic coach Stan Van Gundy: ‘I think everybody’s alive on our bench’

• Prosecutors dismiss charges against Sister Mary

• Report: 8-year-old arrested for 5th time after school tantrum

• Church volunteer to be sentenced in child porn case

• Disney worker accused of raping woman in Caribbean Beach Resort

• Report: Marion mom was high while driving newborn

• SeaWorld prepares to get back in water with killer whales

• Ex-music teacher charged with pawning school instruments

• Apopka police, FDLE agents begin third day of search for human bones

• Woman left 4 children alone while working as stripper, police say

• Christy Martin shot, stabbed but ready to fight again

• Trevor Bayne, Earnhardt could share bonds of NASCAR greatness

• Lake Mary double murder, suicide: It was about money

• Florida officer who declared himself sovereign citizen fired

• Orlando police 911 call center running again

• Police: Man dared girlfriend to fire, she shot him dead

• Homeowners near old bomb range settle suit for $1.2M

• Disney says guests will be able to reserve ride times from home

• Report: Man used horse medicine on people, deputies say

Mike Riggs was born and raised in Central Florida. He now lives and works in Washington, D.C.

Photo by USFWS/Southeast.

I know nothing about this band or its music, but I feel pretty strongly that it is impossible to watch this video without at least experiencing the beginnings of a smile. [Via]

Your headline of the day: “’Flatulent’ dentist from Shrewsbury is struck off.” Knifecrime Island tooth technician Matthew Walton has been prohibited from practicing the dental arts for, among other things, farting and belching, “making derogatory comments about unemployed patients” and “exposing a nurse to X-ray radiation.” Insert your own joke about British teeth here.

by Andrew Piccone

Tell me about your job.

I come from a pretty interesting theater background — my parents started Pregones Theater which is one of the foremost Latino theater companies in New York. I was born into that, and so I became a very active member in it, we’re now in our 30th year. I studied drama at a performing arts high school and after that decided to pursue the craft a little more seriously and went to SUNY Purchase for their acting conservatory. I got out and started auditioning, working a lot with Pregones, doing readings here and there. I eventually booked a great Broadway job with “A Free Man of Color” at Lincoln Center. That was in September of last year. I was cast in the original production at the Public Theater, but it was dropped, and then it got picked up again, we did a workshop of it about a year and a half ago, and it got picked up for the Lincoln Center. It was a wonderful experience, getting to work with Jeffrey Wright, Justina Machado, Paul Dano, Mos Def and some really great people, and a wonderful playwright and a wonderful director. It was a really wonderful learning experience and a nice catapult into the business.

How have things changed for you since being on Broadway?

A Broadway credit definitely gives you a little more edge. In terms of confidence; I think confidence is the biggest thing for any actor whether you’ve done absolutely nothing or a thousand things. As long as you are really confident, you’re set, and this thing has given me an enormous amount of confidence. I’m going to be doing a one-woman show, which I just found out about today, that was workshopped at the LAByrinth Theater at the Public. Another theater company just picked it up to continue working on it at the Nuyorican Poets Cafe, and hopefully it will get picked up again after that. I’m going to be doing a series of play readings for the Public theater in March, so I’ve got some things on the horizon. I’m 24, I graduated in 2008. For some that’s a quick rise, for some that’s a while, but I feel like it’s all happening at a really good pace because I’m ready for whatever that is coming to me.

What are the struggles of being a Latina actress?

I think it’s just, sort of, that’s a pretty big question. We’re really often pigeonholed. That has been kind of struggle for me, finding my way around that. Knowing that stereotypes exist for a reason and granted I can easily go that route, I was raised the way I was raised and I don’t necessarily fit in to that stereotype. I think my talent often subverts the expectation of what my look gives off and I think that’s a common struggle for a lot of Latina actors who are raised here but are rooted in another place.

Are you able to live completely off theater or do you still find yourself in the occasional day job?

I was able to save a lot of money from the salary from the show — I still have a lot saved. I’m kind of fortunate that unemployment has become my friend right now. Actors can typically earn, maybe in an ensemble in a musical, $1500 a week. I wasn’t doing a musical, I was doing a straight play, but that was my salary. Depending on if you’re the lead you might be doing $2000 a week. It’s not a bad chunk of change.

Who are some of your heroes in the acting world?

I adore Annette Benning, I think that she is so fabulous. I admire her tenacity and her choices, I think that she is just such an intelligent woman. She doesn’t make concessions. I think her work is really smart, and I look up to it. And just the great dames: Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, I think they’re fabulous. Benicio Del Toro is wonderful, Javier Bardem, Anna Ortiz is great. Justina Machado is fabulous, I really admire her work and I look up to her tremendously. I got to work with her and I got to see firsthand what a wonderful lady she is.

What do you think of the state of Broadway in 2011?

I think it’s really commercially driven, kind of Disney-fied. It’s wonderful to see such brave attempts as “A Free Man of Color” and other productions like that. They’re really strayed from that mainstream while trying to strike a commercial success. I hope that becomes sort of the main theme in Broadway, but I think it will take a while. A lot of people are embarrassed about “Spider Man,” but more power to the actors in that production who are doing it. I don’t know, it’s kind of a disappointment for those of us who are looking for work, and something like that is getting so much money and attention and not proving to be anything other than an embarrassment. I think it would be really amazing if a family of four wanted to see a play or a musical of some substance that made them think. Entertainment like that is necessary, plays like “Spider Man,” “Mary Poppins,” “Lion King” are necessary, but I think there needs to be a balance.

What was your most starstruck moment?

Meeting Rosie Perez. I love her, I often get compared to her even though I don’t think we’re necessarily similar. We look alike, or so I hear. Meeting her I was complete jello, I didn’t know what to say. It was in a workshop we did for “A Free Man of Color.” I did talk to her and she’s absolutely wonderful. I felt like I was meeting my boyfriend or something. No one has ever been starstruck meeting me, yet. I’m sure it will happen though.

Andrew Piccone is a photographer in New York.

Finally, bananas will be properly packaged: “Del Monte has come up with individual plastic packaging for bananas, a fruit that already comes in its own natural, biodegradable wrapper.” [Via]

“While it may seem quaint and nostalgic now, pinball has surprisingly illicit roots: It was declared illegal in New York City in 1942 because the machines were considered gambling devices, and according to news reports at the time police officers seized some 3,200 machines. Legend has the police smashing them with sledgehammers and hurling the remnants into the river, though actual accounts say that the metal parts were melted down to make bullets for the war effort. In any case, the law was finally overturned in 1976, when a 26-year old pinball wizard named Roger Sharpe predicted — and made — a predetermined shot in a courtroom, thus proving that pinball was not, in fact, a game of chance.”
 — Huh! I didn’t know that. (Or if I did know it at one time, I’d forgotten it.) So that means that The Who’s Tommy, which came out in 1969, was totally based around illegal activity — besides drugs and child molestation, I mean. There are a number of interesting things about pinball I didn’t know, it turns out. Like that Chicago’s Stern Pinball, Inc. is the last pinball machine manufacturer in the world. That makes sense, I guess, what with Xboxes and Angry Birds and whatnot. As does the fact that there is a competitive pinball league in New York and that its players say things like, “Just relax, take it easy, focus, and the ball will come to you.” Those guys are total Zen masters.