Tuesday, March 1st, 2011

Why Won't You Simply Let People Despise Jews?

From time to time, The Awl offers its space to everyday citizens with a point of view on the world. Opinions are the writer's own; the Awl does not endorse these opinions.

Sad news comes from beyond the borders of my kingdom! Dior's exceptional designer, John Galliano—though perhaps I am only remembering his work on Kylie Minogue's 'Let's Get to It' tour, from when it arrived in Wrocław, Silesia, as his latest work, well, it has perhaps been tainted by the Jews!—has been rendered unemployed due to his views on, yes, predictably, the Jews! The omnipresent Jewish lobby objects to his political views, yes, and so they have forced Dior to sever their ties, as it were, with his frockeries. And such fripperies they were indeed! Or once were! All the things a regal opponent of the Jews could desire to wear, as they gaze down into the, as the couturier put it so well, "dirty Jew faces" of the common people, who were at the time undoubtedly wearing burlap or Armani, same difference. Now infamous Jewess Natalie Portman is rushing to distance herself from him, though she'd been quick to come and lend him money previously. (Meanwhile, across the territories, they are criticizing lady-killing pamphleteer Julian Assange for his own particular views on Jews!) But what's most horrifically tragic is people's willingness to discount the views of Galliano. They say he was acting out! They say he was intoxicated! In this manner, they want to strip him of his profound and deep-seated hatred of the Jews.

The incident occurred when Galliano was troubled by some French and Italian and perhaps even Asian people, who were disturbing him with their distinctive and various odors. They were not Jews so much, as they claim, though perhaps they are a bit Jewish. He also informed him that they were ugly, which: no law in France about that! Just keep the headscarves off your head over there, and everyone will be fine.

But despite the non-Jews not being Jews, still it is illegal to insult Jews, which is somewhat liken to that strange thing that occurs when heterosexuals are gay-bashed. Or is it? Anyway!

Sacked by Dior, those who adore fashion have come running to a defense of Galliano. He is sick, they claim: so he is possessed of an impulse in his humors to speak poorly of the cursed Jews. It is a cry for help, they say.

It is as if these deluded, Jew-loving souls had never heard in vino veritas, or had never visited one of my sitting rooms, where it is embroidered on e'ry pillow.

Why would they, in their pity, strip this proud clothier of his views! He hates the Jews, and so we must let him be forthright in his hate. HE IS AN ARTIST! Must not we let the artists speak what is in their heart of hearts?

And so he finds the Jews ugly (or at least, as ugly as the Italians). And so he reveres one of the late great leaders of Magna Germania! And why should he not, identifying with a fellow likewise obsessed with cleanliness and creased trousers. But I beg you, my subjects: you have taken this man's livelihood, you have taken his good name. Do not take the last thing that remains to him now: his abiding, deep-seated and overwhelming disgust at other human beings based on their heritage!

Maria Theresa Walburga Amalia Christina is the Queen of Hungary and Croatia and the Archduchess of Austria, as well as the Duchess of Lorraine, the Grand Duchess of Tuscany and Holy Roman Empress consort, and as well the very last of the House of Habsburg.

24 Comments / Post A Comment

saythatscool (#101)

God damn Albanians

Art Yucko (#1,321)

Remember when Enver Hoxha's trained Bear spies taught Harper Lee how to squirt? Good times!

jolie (#16)

*lets out the hooiest hoo boy in all of hooboysville*

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

Regular column, pretty please?

garge (#736)

While Shadow Editors are on sabbatical, I think that Maria Theresa Walburga Amalia Christina and Hulk could be a dynamic surrogate commentary duo of the chat format.

cherrispryte (#444)

Maria Theresa Walburga Amalia Christina is one of several rotating Hapsburgs who know everything. Do you have any questions for Maria Theresa Walburga Amalia Christina?

cherrispryte (#444)

Wrocław is in Lower Silesia, your Majesty.

You would know. Jew.

jfruh (#713)

Also, your majesty, does not referring to it in the debased Polanian tongue give comfort to Ruthenian troublemakers? Why not call it "Breslau," as the civilized Germans do?

Yr humble servant,
jfruh (a Jew)

Dear Jew,

I was simply trying to use words that you terrible and crafty Jews could understand. I see that next time my missives will be entirely composed of dollar signs.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

…is it true that you people put Paprika in your undergarments?

cherrispryte (#444)

Nah, we put Henna in our hair.

freetzy (#7,018)

Can't wait for when Right Said Fred weighs in on the controversy.

It's like Zola… for heshers.

Matt (#26)

They like outlaw country, generally.

Tell us your thoughts about Frederick the II of Prussia? And, please, do not hold back.

Also, you had 16 children, after the 9th, were you even aware when you were giving birth or was it all motor reflexes by then?

Aatom (#74)

One of the odder aspects of this story for me has been that I always imagined Galliano himself smelling just terrible.

#56 (#56)

Can we get Doña María del Rosario Cayetana Fitz-James Stuart y Silva, 18th Duchess of Alba de Tormes, Grandee of Spain to give the counter-point? ¿Por favor? It would be worth it for the contributor photo alone!

I suspect her to be a Jew.

Mackenzie Kelly (#8,235)

John Galliano, get a hair cut

I see you've solved 'the problem of conveying tone on the internet'.

zeno (#10,167)

regarding this rumor about the 'views' of Julian Assange:

i don't see how Assange deserves to be associated with these hateful statements made by some guy i would never have heard of except that he made these hateful statements.

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