Posts Tagged: NFL

Phone Home, Astrodome: Inside America's Brave And Crumbling Stadiums

Sheer size is generally a strong guarantee of commercial longevity in American society. Consider Sport Utility Vehicles throughout almost every variation in gas prices. Consider the Big Gulp. But when it comes to some of our largest feats of construction—sporting facilities—immense size won’t usually even guarantee a lifespan as long as the most immemorable ranch home. How old is your house or residence? And how many people live there? The Houston Astrodome has a capacity of 67,925,and is 49 years old. It may not last to see 50.

Tastes are fickle, extortionate team demands are common, and the drive for novelty is endless, but the sheer inability of the greatest [...]


NFL Wildcard Weekend Sonnet Picks

Saturday, January 7

At Houston -3 Cincinnati 38.5

The Texans have finally won the South Mostly because Peyton Manning is out. And their quarterback is now injured, too. Leaving their offense completely askew. Receiver Andre Johnson is healthy. Running back Arian Foster's stealthy. But who will be their starting quarterback? Rookie T. J. Yates will lead the attack. The Bengals turn to a rookie as well And Andy Dalton has been pretty swell. Rookie A.J. Green is a Pro Bowler But the Bengals play kind of bi-polar. They tend to be their own worst enemy And three points just isn't enough for me. PICK: TEXANS, THE UNDER


Football Pick Haikus For Week 14

Thursday, December 8

At Pittsburgh -14 Cleveland Is Colt McCoy the Quarterback of the Future? Then Browns' Future Sucks. PICK: BROWNS

Sunday, December 11

At Baltimore -16.5 Indianapolis Baltimore only shows up against the good teams. This could be closer. PICK: COLTS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 11

Thursday, November 17

NY Jets -6 At Denver Thursday Night Football! So just DVR "Whitney" and never watch it. PICK: JETS

Sunday, November 20

At Atlanta -6 Tennessee Atlanta coach blew their last game in Overtime. Falcons are grumpy. PICK: FALCONS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 8

Sunday, October 30

At Tennessee -8.5 Indianapolis This year Indy hosts the Super Bowl and the Colts will be parking cars. PICK: TITANS

At Houston -9.5 Jacksonville Jaguars beat Ravens So who knows what the hell's up. I have no idea. PICK: TEXANS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 5

Sunday, October 9

At Indianapolis -2.5 Kansas City Battle for Last Place! Pre-empt the Fourth Quarter and Show Heidi instead. PICK: CHIEFS

At Minnesota -2.5 Arizona Do cardinals really hang out in Arizona? They must get thirsty. PICK: VIKINGS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 2

Sunday, September 18

At New Orleans -6.5 Chicago Week One the Saints played Like a "Treme" episode. They almost got good. PICK: SAINTS

At Detroit -8 Kansas City The Chiefs crushed at home by the Bills. That's like Ron Paul beating up Tyson. PICK: LIONS

At NY Jets -9 Jacksonville Jags QB McCown is a giant McUnknown. Don't throw near Revis! PICK: JETS


AFC and NFC Championship Sestina and Villanelle Picks

At New England -7 Baltimore 50

The Ravens are well known for their defense but so much depends upon Joe Flacco and Ray Rice if they are to defeat the Patriots. Is there any quarterback handsomer than Brady? Let's hope Ray Lewis doesn't destroy Foxborough with his purple death rays this coming Sunday.

If the home team expects to win on Sunday They will need to burn the Ravens' defense. Gronkowski must have a big day in Foxborough And the Pats' D must fluster Joe Flacco. He's certainly not as handsome as Tom Brady. But he could be dangerous against the Patriots.


Football Pick Haikus For Week 16

December 22

Houston -6 At Indianapolis Can Indy's back-up quarterback beat Houston's third- string QB? Who cares. PICK: COLTS

December 24

At Kansas City -2.5 Oakland Deal with the devil Chiefs struck to beat the Packers lasts another week. PICK: CHIEFS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 13

Thursday, December 1

Philadelphia -3 At Seattle What is a good snack to eat during this game? Tossed salad, scrambled eggs. PICK: EAGLES

Sunday, December 4

At Buffalo -1.5 Tennessee Bills still have a chance to make the playoffs if all the other teams die. PICK: BILLS

At Chicago -7 Kansas City Will Caleb Hanie be better the second time around? Like pizza! PICK: BEARS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 10

Thursday, November 10

At San Diego -7 Oakland If Philip Rivers throws one more pick he wins a bowl of booger soup. PICK: RAIDERS

Saturday, November 12

Manny Pacquiao v. Juan Manuel Marquez III (9-1) Not another tie! After 12 Rounds they should go to penalty kicks. PICK: MARQUEZ


Football Pick Haikus For Week 7

Sunday, October 23

Chicago -1 Tampa Bay (At London) I'd rather see Man U Take on the Chicago Bears with a side of chips. PICK: BUCCANEERS

At Carolina -2.5 Washington It's really time that the Redskins changed their nickname. The Washington Jazz. PICK: PANTHERS

San Diego -2 At NY Jets Occupy Wall Street should link arms and help the Jets stop the running game. PICK: CHARGERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 4

Sunday, October 2

At Dallas -1 Detroit Everyone loves Detroit! Are Lions Super Bowl-Bound? Eminem Halftime! PICK: LIONS

New Orleans -7 At Jacksonville Jaguars D not bad. But Saints no doubt have a Jones-Drew voodoo doll. PICK: SAINTS

At Philadelphia -8.5 San Francisco Vick sick of hits. Dream Team is a Scream Machine. Philly Not Sunny. PICK: 49ERS


A Monday Morning Diagramming Of The NFL


NFL Playoff Sonnet Picks

New Orleans -4 At San Francisco 47

The Saints' offense is historically great Drew Brees' production just dominates. They have so many weapons that can score. Even on the road they're tough to ignore. Candlestick Park isn't the Superdome The 49ers defense stands alone. Can Alex Smith and the offense keep pace With the Saints scoring all over the place? If Frank Gore can have a big game rushing and their cornerbacks can be punishing maybe San Francisco can eke one out. Both coaches have serious genius clout. If this was played indoors I'd reverse it. But wind makes interceptions, so that's that. PICK: NINERS, THE UNDER


Football Pick Haikus For Week 15

Thursday, December 15

At Atlanta -12 Jacksonville The Falcons are headed to the playoffs and the Jags are going golfing. PICK: FALCONS

Saturday, December 17

Dallas -7 At Tampa Bay I want to go to St. Petersburg in Russia. Florida smells old. PICK: COWBOYS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 12

Thursday, November 24

Green Bay -6.5 At Detroit It's Thanksgiving Day! Can the Lions end The Pack's Perfect Season? Yes. PICK: LIONS

At Dallas -7 Miami The Dolphins won thrice ruining their chances of a Franchise QB. Duh. PICK: DOLPHINS

At Baltimore -3 San Francisco Unless you have the NFL Network you'll be watching Charlie Brown. PICK: LUCY, 49ERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 9

Sunday, November 6

Atlanta -7 At Indianapolis Colts should load up a truck and after dark move back to East Baltimore. PICK: FALCONS

At New Orleans -8 Tampa Bay After the Saints lost to the hapless Rams I hope they went to DQ. PICK: SAINTS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 6

Sunday, October 16

At Green Bay -14.5 St. Louis The Rams have no chance. They may as well stay home and watch the game and drink. PICK: PACKERS, BREWERS

At Pittsburgh -12 Jacksonville Did you know that in Pittsburgh they put the french fries inside your sandwich? PICK: STEELERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 3

Sunday, September 25

At Cincinnati -2.5 San Francisco Bengals aren't doormats. The 49ers play tough. But I still won't watch. PICK: 49ERS

New England -8.5 At Buffalo Bills have won two but Only Gisele beats Brady. Bills might beat the spread. PICK: PATRIOTS

At Philadelphia -7 NY Giants Mike Vick spits blood and Kafka is his back-up. Dream Team Doesn't Wake Up. PICK: GIANTS