Posts Tagged: Football Picks

Football Pick Haikus For Week 16

Saturday, December 22

Atlanta -3.5 At Detroit

Detroit really needs a new city government and a new head coach. PICK: FALCONS

Sunday, December 23

At Green Bay -12.5 Tennessee

I’d take the Titans and the points if you gave me seven billion points. PICK: PACKERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 13

Thursday, November 29

At Atlanta -3.5 New Orleans

Actual great game on the NFL Network! I’ll take that half point. PICK: SAINTS

Sunday, December 2

At Chicago – 3.5 Seattle

My heart says Seahawks but my heart doesn’t really make any money. PICK: BEARS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 10

Thursday, November 8

Indianapolis -3.5 At Jacksonville

Jags on National Television! It's like why they canceled "Joey." PICK: COLTS

Sunday, November 11

At New England -11 Buffalo

Patriots, coming off the Bye, have installed spy helmet cameras. PICK: PATS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 7

Thursday, October 18

At San Francisco -7 Seattle

Lose back-to-back games at home and Jim Harbaugh will go Supernova. PICK: SEAHAWKS

Sunday, October 21

At Buffalo -3 Tennessee

Bills are 3 and 3! Tied for First Place in the East! Enjoy, Buffalo! PICK: TITANS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 4


At Baltimore -12 Cleveland

Browns have a chance if all the Ravens players get themselves arrested. PICK: BROWNS


New England -4 At Buffalo

Last time the Pats lost three games straight Massasoit was the quarterback. PICK: PATS

At Detroit -5 Minnesota

Lions' coach's weird plan to lose in overtime last week worked out great. PICK: LIONS


The Kickoff Of Football Pick Haikus

Wednesday, September 5

At NY Giants -4 Dallas

Giants will sleepwalk through the season and turn it on in the playoffs. PICK: GIANTS

Sunday, September 9

At Chicago -9.5 Indianapolis

Bears' great defense will contain Andrew Luck. But offense can't score. PICK: COLTS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 15

Thursday, December 13

Cincinnati -4.5 At Philadelphia

Bengals have taken the last few weeks off but the Eagles off all year. PICK: BENGALS

Sunday, December 16

Green Bay -3 At Chicago

Without Urlacher Bears Defense looks gooey like a deep crust pizza. PICK: PACKERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 12

Thursday, November 22—Thanksgiving!

Houston -3 At Detroit

While you are eating turkey the Lions will be getting their ass kicked. PICK: TEXANS

At Dallas -3 Washington

While you are taking a tryptophan nap Romo will be screwing up. PICK: REDSKINS

New England -6.5 At NY Jets

While you’re at a bar avoiding your family the Jets will still suck. PICK: PATRIOTS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 9

Thursday, November 1

At San Diego -7.5 Kansas City

I’m hoping Chiefs’ star cornerback Brandon Flowers gets six pick sixes PICK: CHIEFS

Sunday, November 4

Denver -3.5 At Cincinnati

The Bengals will play great and then Peyton Manning will steal their candy. PICK: BRONCOS

At Green Bay -11 Arizona

I’m sick of losing cash betting against the Green Bay Packers every week. PICK: PACKERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 6

Thursday, October 11

Pittsburgh -6 At Tennessee

Troy Polamalu Is injured again. Titans avoid an execution. PICK: TITANS.

Biden -3 v. Ryan

Joe’s always gaffe-prone but Ryan tends to just make shit completely up. PICK: BIDEN

Sunday, October 14

Cincinnati -1 At Cleveland

I grew up Democrat. I have a soft spot for all pathetic losers. PICK: BROWNS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 3

Thursday, September 20

At Carolina -2.5 NY Giants

Cam Newton versus Giants' torched secondary? I smell barbeque! PICK: PANTHERS

Sunday, September 23

At Chicago -7.5 St. Louis

Jay Cutler is not one of those quarterbacks that you want on your team. PICK: RAMS

At Dallas -8 Tampa Bay

Most of Mitt Romney’s 47% are Dallas Cowboy fans. PICK: COWBOYS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 6

Sunday, October 16

At Green Bay -14.5 St. Louis The Rams have no chance. They may as well stay home and watch the game and drink. PICK: PACKERS, BREWERS

At Pittsburgh -12 Jacksonville Did you know that in Pittsburgh they put the french fries inside your sandwich? PICK: STEELERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 14

Thursday, December 6

Denver -10 At Oakland

Peyton Manning will recreate the flashlight scene from Manhandled 4. PICK: RAIDERS

Sunday, December 9

At Washington -2.5 Baltimore

Bet on RG3; fix your Fiscal Cliff! Lead us to a late field goal. PICK: REDSKINS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 11

Thursday, November 15

At Buffalo -2.5 Miami

C. J. Spiller is very fast and dangerous so I will Bill-lieve! PICK: BILLS

Sunday, November 18

At Washington -3.5 Philadelphia

All Eagles’ players ought to emulate Nick Foles’ awesome mullet 'doo. PICK: REDSKINS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 8

Thursday, October 25

At Minnesota -6 Tampa Bay

Vikings should crush Bucs. Flip channels only during World Series innings. PICK: VIKINGS

Sunday, October 28

New England -7 St. Louis (At London)

New England visits Regular England. Brady Defects to Man U. PICK: PATRIOTS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 5

Thursday, October 4

Arizona -1.5 At St. Louis

The Cardinals still are Undefeated but seem ripe For a huge letdown. PICK: RAMS

Sunday, October 7

Atlanta -3 At Washington

Matty Ryan used to bull's-eye womp rats in his T-16 back home. PICK: FALCONS

At Pittsburgh -3.5 Philadelphia

Michael Vick is one Sack away from becoming A McRib Sandwich. PICK: STEELERS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 2

Thursday, September 13

At Green Bay -5 Chicago Home games at Lambeau shouldn’t happen until the tundra is frozen. PICK: BEARS

Sunday, September 16

At NY Giants -7.5 Tampa Bay Buccaneers defense surprisingly stout but the Giants should play angry. PICK: GIANTS

At New England -13.5 Arizona The Cardinals should chose a random fan for their starting quarterback. PICK: PATRIOTS


Football Pick Haikus For Week 4

Sunday, October 2

At Dallas -1 Detroit Everyone loves Detroit! Are Lions Super Bowl-Bound? Eminem Halftime! PICK: LIONS

New Orleans -7 At Jacksonville Jaguars D not bad. But Saints no doubt have a Jones-Drew voodoo doll. PICK: SAINTS

At Philadelphia -8.5 San Francisco Vick sick of hits. Dream Team is a Scream Machine. Philly Not Sunny. PICK: 49ERS