The Kickoff Of Football Pick Haikus

The Kickoff Of Football Pick Haikus

Wednesday, September 5

At NY Giants -4 Dallas

Giants will sleepwalk
through the season and turn it
on in the playoffs. PICK: GIANTS

Sunday, September 9

At Chicago -9.5 Indianapolis

Bears’ great defense
will contain Andrew Luck.
But offense can’t score. PICK: COLTS

Philadelphia -8 At Cleveland

Philly’s Dream Team Wakes
Up Screaming Again! Sleeping
on those bruised ribs sucks. PICK: BROWNS

At NY Jets -3 Buffalo

If you could combine
Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow
you’d have a gross mess. PICK: JETS

At New Orleans -9 Washington

Saints no longer pay
to injure players they play.
RG3 goes wild. PICK: REDSKINS

New England -6 At Tennessee

The Patriots can’t
lose unless the New York Giants
show up instead. PICK: PATS

At Minnesota -4 Jacksonville

The Jaguars team should
be as successful as Clint’s
weird RNC speech. PICK: JAGUARS

At Houston -11.5 Miami

Watched “Hard Knocks,” like, once.
HBO should have broadcast
test pattern instead. PICK: TEXANS

At Detroit -8 St. Louis

It’s a great year when
the Lions are still relevant
by Thanksgiving Day. PICK: LIONS

Atlanta -3 At Kansas City

I’m the first poet
yet to put the name “Jacquizz”
into a haiku. PICK: FALCONS

At Green Bay -5.5 San Francisco

Packers choked last year.
They were so busy making
cheesy TV ads. PICK: PACKERS

Carolina -2.5 At Tampa Bay

Cam Newton is the
Captain of my Fantasy Team!
And of My Heart! PICK: PANTHERS

Seattle -2.5 At Arizona

Seahawks’ new unis
are even worse than their old
terrible jerseys. PICK: SEAHAWKS

At Denver -1 Pittsburgh

Peyton Manning’s back.
Pittsburgh D happy to face
dude older than them. PICK: STEELERS

Monday, September 10

At Baltimore -6 Cincinnati

Flacco kinda sucks.
Ravens go as far as new
placekicker allows. PICK: RAVENS

San Diego -1 At Oakland

The Bolts don’t win games
until November most years.
Raiders should feast. PICK: CHARGERS

Last year’s Haiku Picks went 134–137–8 for the season against the spread.

Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.