Wednesday, April 20th, 2011
32

Please Improve Your Drinking Diet

Should the Food and Drug Administration require chain restaurants to list the caloric information for alcoholic beverages alongside the caloric information the agency has proposed the restaurants list for their menu items? There is an argument that they should, especially when you consider that many of these beverages are basically ice cream and other sweet stuff. The FDA seems to take the position that it does not have authority over these "drinks." Here is my position: DRINK REAL DRINKS. Ice cream is for children. I don't know why I need to keep saying this, but apparently I do, so I will put it as succinctly as possible in hopes that it finally sinks in: "Drink alcohol. Quite a bit. Mostly bourbon." It's so simple! [Via]

Photo by pink_fish13.

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32 Comments / Post A Comment

TSWsarah (#8,497)

Bourbon? Balk's trying to fatten everyone up with his extra 5 calories an ounce over vodka, gin or scotch.

@TSWsarah But wouldn't you rather drink something that tastes like something? Besides, how many ounces are you planning to consume? Oh, wait…

KenWheaton (#401)

Balk for president!

And think of the unintended consequences. People seeing the calorie counts on this thing WILL switch to straight whiskey. Hilarity will ensue.

HiredGoons (#603)

If you can't see through it, don't drink it*

*exception White Russians

katiechasm (#163)

@HiredGoons But red wine…

zoom (#10,138)

@HiredGoons you disparage Guinness at your own peril, sir.

HiredGoons (#603)

@katiechasm: I stand humbled.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Balk for Pollan of Booze

I love ice cream. I love booze. Neither one is any good if they mingle in any container, glass or stomach.

RocketSurgeon (#1,632)

@Better to Eat You With A Guinness float may change your mind (if you like beer, that is).

@RocketSurgeon Or a bourbon-spiked milkshake, for that matter.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

Agree wholeheartedly.* Was out with friends last weekend, and as ladies are wont to do, rounds of shots were ordered. Being a tequila type myself, I was horrified and disgusted by the whip cream-topped, Baileys-filled monstrosities that were requested. I mean really! (I still drank them, of course, but with shame).

*but don't you go thinking this makes up for yesterday's intellectual abortion, aka the Nut Rankings

Matt (#26)

4/19 NUT HOLOCAUST NEVER FORGET

@IBentMyWookie So, um, what kind of shots did your ladyfriends order? My friend wants to know.

IBentMyWookie (#133)

@TheTrenchantWench one was a Blowjob* (which, I know, whatever, they're good people); one was a Polar Bear** and for the life of me I can't recall the names of the other two.

*I carry the spirit of Balk with me
**see above

cherrispryte (#444)

@Matt 4/19 THE GREAT CASTRATION.

SeanP (#4,058)

@IBentMyWookie: I've had the same problem. I was out with friends, who appeared to be red-blooded American males, when shots were called for. I was appalled at some of the stupid crap I was being asked to drink. When it was my turn, I made their asses drink Wild Turkey 101.

Tully Mills (#6,486)

A lot of drinks should come with an airline pillow for when they induce a diabetic coma.

BadUncle (#153)

And also drink in a bar, not a beverage theme park.*

*Exception: drinking at the bar at the Euro Disney park.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

unless the theme park is the Chicken Stand down on Alvarado Street.

Graydon Gordian (#3,206)

So, yes, obviously: Don't drink ice cream. It's called an adult beverage. Drink like one.

BUT, if you happen to be eating ice cream, trying pouring just a splash of bourbon on top. Especially if that ice cream happens to be butter pecan.

TSWsarah (#8,497)

@Graydon Gordian Buy the nicest vanilla ice cream you can find and dish it up. Pour one ounce of scotch over it. Then a couple of turns of the pepper grinder.

Trust me.

Annie K. (#3,563)

@Graydon Gordian After the splash of bourbon, try sprinkling a little ground-up coffee over it all. But in that case the ice cream should be vanilla.

Annie K. (#3,563)

@Annie K. "beans," that should be "ground up coffee beans"

riotnrrd (#840)

@Annie K. After the the splash of bourbon, pepper, and grinds of coffee, try sprinking a teaspoon of cocaine mixed with a pinch of granulated black-tar heroin over it. It's delicious!

laurel (#4,035)

Why bother? Toddlers can't read.

One licks ice cream. One drinks tequila.

Mr. B (#10,093)

Because I saw it for the first time at a tender age, whenever anyone mentions bourbon the image that always pops into my head is that scene in "North By Northwest" in which Eurotrash henchmen are holding Cary Grant down on the couch while Martin Landau pours an entire tumbler full of the stuff. Also, I get thirsty.

oldtaku (#9,009)

You can't put calorie information on alcoholic girly drinks, you MONSTER. A woman ordering a lo-fat mudslide with whipped cream 'on the side' then surreptitiously adding it all and some salad dressing for good measure is not something you want to be responsible for.

dntsqzthchrmn (#2,893)

Now there's a drink idea — the Reuben.

SB Gypsy@twitter (#11,318)

You pollute your drink with ice cubes!

Drink alcohol, quite often, and make it Ri.

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