Monday, November 29th, 2010

Boozed-Up Whip Cream: The Next Four Loko, or Another Sign of Our Impending Doom?

Jesus Christ, why don't people just drink BOURBON anymore? No wonder this country is falling apart. Okay, yes, I am mildly curious if the nitrous you wind up sucking down every time you buy a bottle of whip cream is affected by the presence of alcohol, but other than that my objection stands. JUST DRINK REGULAR ALCOHOL, you pussies. It is the only thing ever made that needs no enhancement.


15 Comments / Post A Comment

Jeff Laughlin (#4,390)

I booze my hair back and forth?

kneetoe (#1,881)

"Lookin' back, those were simpler days. Back then a man just drank his booze straight from the bottle and then passed it on to the next feller."

Joey Camire (#6,325)

There is also whipped cream flavored vodka. Something I was extremely reticent to try, but ultimately was surprisingly palatable. I would never buy it under any circumstances, but it wasn't the pure evil I thought it would be.

Bobby Womack (#4,074)

I'll admit to trying this. I was buying wine for myself and getting some booze for a friend's birthday a few weeks ago, and cases of this stuff had been strategically placed at each register. I believe it was around 8 bucks a can, and I went for whatever the vanilla-y one was, thinking it would be fun for the party. The initial taste is awful, and there are lingering notes of rubbing alcohol, but c'mon, who doesn't want to down a mouthful of whipped cream and get drunk doing it? Worth trying once in the proper atmosphere, I say.

zidaane (#373)

What's next? Alcohol in our aftershave?

MollyculeTheory (#4,519)

Put it on your alcoholic coffee drinks so you're not mucking up your drank with ethanol-free calories?

For bedtime fun; to keep the buzz going.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Target market: Alcoholics who still crush on Ali Larter.

Is vicodin yogurt available yet?

wb (#2,214)

Real Americans huff silly string. Or gas.

What I'm going to say may be profoundly stupid and also belie my basic misunderstanding of how whippits work:

Has anyone stopped to consider the implications of what whippits will be like with this stuff?

garge (#736)

How soon until Cosmo suggests we coat scrunchies in this?

NinetyNine (#98)

More to the point: why do people buy whipped cream? If you make it at home, you can put as much bourbon as you want in it.

Oh, I just remembered I have a story related to this topic!

One day, someone called the beer consultancy I interned at and said people were acting more than regular drunk from their Guinness, all giggly and shit (this was Chicago, but not Wrigleyville). So highly-paid beer consultant guy asks them to read exactly what was on the tanks that pushed the beer.

See, proper Guinness is served via both CO2 and nitrogen – that's what gives it its special creamy head. And the gas supplier made a little mistake with the nitrogen cylinder…

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