Jason Statham, porn, twitter, Liz Phair, Trader Joe’s, the 1990s, androgyny…my latest OF NOTE column is up! http://bit.ly/ofnote0207Tue Feb 08 03:37:03 via web

Britticisms
britticisms

Britt Julious’ semi-regular of note columns are maybe the best thing on the Internet? So it’s mandatory to follow her Twitter because then you know as soon as a new one is live. There are other reasons too, sure.

For instance I probably get about half of my indie music news from her.

Entire new Hercules and Love Affair album streaming at New York Magazine. Happy Monday, folks! http://bit.ly/gu9VtCMon Jan 24 16:12:26 via web

Britticisms
britticisms

Trying to eye fuck Matthew Dear.Sat Jan 29 04:23:03 via web

Britticisms
britticisms

And also the kind of Chicago news that makes me never miss that ol’ town.

Guy threatens to take out gun and shoot everyone on Washington blue line platform. CTA worker strolls downstairs 5 min. later, obliviousThu Jan 06 00:38:44 via Twitter for BlackBerry®

Britticisms
britticisms

See you never, Chicago!

Previously:

Wears the Trousers
DCJourno
Kate Riley
Roger Clark
Emma Gilbey Keller

“SEX and violence are neighbours in the brain, but they don’t get along. It turns out that the cells responsible for aggression in mouse brains are suppressed during mating, which is probably a good thing.”

New Dramatic Voice Turns Essence Of Life Into Work Of Pure Art

Playwright Mark Lisanti’s stagecraft is so vital, so real, that you will swear he has been spying on you and writing it down.

“The Sudanese president Omer Hassan Al-Bashir has called on his supporters to use Facebook in order to overcome groups that are opposed to his rule. Bashir made the call during his visit to North Kordofan state on Tuesday where he inaugurated a power plant. Sudan official news agency (SUNA) cited Bashir as instructing authorities to pay more attention towards extending electricity to the countryside so that the younger citizens can use computers and internet to combat opposition through social networking sites such as Facebook.”
 — Man, that’s some quick co-opting! Just last month, protesters used social networking sites to organize demonstrations against Al-Hashir. Those demonstrations were quickly shut down by police who took dozens of the protesters to jail.

There were differing opinions about this song when it came out last year. And it’s always a technical challenge to get rap to sound good live. But I think these two old pros came off pretty sharp last night at New York’s Highline Ballroom. (Judging from this video, I mean. I wasn’t there.) They were guests of the headliners, the underground supergroup Slaughterhouse, who recently signed with Eminem’s Shady Records.

What is remarkable about this summary of the charges against Silvio Berlusconi in his most recent scandal is that a reporter can talk about how the Prime Minister of Italy is accused of paying an underage Moroccan prostitute nicknamed Ruby Heartstealer for sex and anyone who has been following the story will be all, “You don’t say.” Like, we’ve already normalized the idea of the Prime Minister of Italy paying an underage Moroccan prostitute nicknamed Ruby Heartstealer for sex. WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU GOT? It’s really a testament to Berlusconi’s ability to have so many fingers in so many very different pies. Although that may not be the best metaphor.

by Mike Albo and Mikki Halpin

To coincide with fashion week, Wikileaks has released a series of encrypted cables and classified internal memos from the fashion industry. This is an exclusive advance excerpt of their forthcoming massive data dump — sure to shake the community to its core.

HAUTE/USFASHION USUN NEW YORK 1371
2011–01–04
C O N F I D E N T I A L SECTION 01 OF 04 WERQUE 000005
SUBECT: UNDERCOVER SOURCE REPORTS UNREST AT XXXXXX’S ATELIER
REF: SASHAY CHANTE

SUMMARY: Our asset [codename: WESKIT] in XXXXXX’s atelier reports that the regime continues to crumble. The rumor we planted on Twitter that the next collection will be a “Jersey Chic” tribute to Snooki has paid off — editors and investors aren’t returning his calls and even XXXXXXX is skipping his show. (She’s rumored to be back on her meds.) He only has enough money to make it through the end of Fashion Week, even if he cuts back on the tanning salon.

COMMENT Suggest we watch and wait. It’s possible consumers will actually want to wear Jersey Chic at $500 — $5000. They wear XXXXX, after all. As a backup, we could escalate the Twitter campaign, start telling people he lives in Brooklyn. END COMMENT

HAUTE/USFASHION USUN NEW YORK 9917
2011–02–10
C O N F I D E N T I A L SECTION 513 OF 02 RAYON 000005
SUBECT: BACKSTAGE INTEL
Classification: BREAKING
The photos you’re seeing from the FW2011 shows are only telling half the story. MXXXXX-BXXX has disabled communication in the tents as part of the coverup. XXXXX’s models didn’t appear disheveled and shellshocked as part of an artistic statement — that look is so over, anyway — the mannequins had rebelled backstage against the 10-inch platform hooves, 30-lb wigs, and 25-lb chain mail onesies they were supposed to wear. Unfortunately, the models were too tired and hungry to make their demands forcefully, and everyone backstage was so busy admiring the authenticity of their sullenness that the uprising went completely unnoticed. It was only when the music began that the stylists realized the girls weren’t getting up from their chairs in hair and makeup. XXXXX tried luring the girls to the catwalk with food, but, as one of them texted to her boyfriend, “These getups weigh more than we do!” The situation became critical. Luckily XXXXXX had this great new medicine designed for horses that got everyone moving fast.

COMMENT Suggest we investigate, find out who XXXXXX’s veterinarian is. END COMMENT

INTERNAL EMBASSY COMMUNICATION
FROM: PARIS BUREAU
TO: XXXX, STATE DEPARTMENT
Priority: HIGH
Sir,
I regret to inform you that despite the fact that, as you put it, “Those Frogs would be speaking German if it weren’t for us,” French Vogue has informed me that under no circumstances will they accept your daughter as an intern. It seems your support of their now-deposed dictator has incurred some lasting resentment. In order to assure future junior years abroad for the diplomatic corps, suggest we look into winning back these hearts and minds.

HAUTE/USFASHION USUN NEW YORK 847365
2011–02–4
C O N F I D E N T I A L SECTION 6 OF 02 PLASTER 97A
SUBECT: POSSIBLE CONSPIRACY
Just wanted to inform you that we are investigating several reliable reports that no one in the industry really thinks long skirts are in, and the maxi trend was invented simply to fuck with stockings and sock manufacturers.

HAUTE/USFASHION USUN NEW YORK 4003
2010–05–09
C O N F I D E N T I A L SECTION 513 OF 02 VELVET 000005
SUBECT: REQUEST FOR OPERATION TWEEN CREEK GREENLIGHT
Classification: HIGHEST

SUMMARY We have good intel that 13-year-old blogger XXXXXXXX (codename: LILGRANNY) plans to file for emancipation, move to New York and release her own collection. It’s critical that we get an agent in place as the operation ramps up. Having an asset with access to this new player could pay off for years to come. Surely someone has a daughter we can send to the school for reconnaissance, or friend LILGRANNY on Facebook. This is a relationship we need to develop. What about that girl who couldn’t get the internship at French Vogue?

E.O. 12958: DECL: 01/04/2011
SUBJECT: An albino trend is affecting magazine production
REF: 09 FNGHUB 1643
Classified By: XXXXXXXXXXXXXX for reasons 1.4 (b) and (d).
SUMMARY An asset we’ve been cultivating at XXXXX XXXX publications reports that skin lightening is hastening the death of fashion magazines.

Source reports that J.E. Alberti, the hot young albino model, has set off a craze amongst editors for alabaster skin. Top spas have installed skin-whitening vats that are already booked through June, and one magazine lost two-thirds of its staff when their complexions were deemed off trend. Other mastheads are being similarly slimmed-down and Donatella Versace can’t get anyone on the phone and everyone is unfollowing her on Tumblr. No one is meeting deadlines and many of the world’s biggest fashion magazines are in danger of stopping publication completely. END SUMMARY

COMMENT While this intel is a fascinating look into the behavior of fashion magazine editors, it’s ultimately useless to us in terms of providing mission support. No one even reads fashion magazines any more. Have asked source to see whether any bloggers are bleaching their skin. END COMMENT

DIPLOMATIC COMMUNIQUE
VIA COURIER
EYES ONLY
From: XXXXXX
To: XXXXXX
Classification: HIGH QUEEN
We are still awaiting the secret seating charts you promised in exchange for our silence on the matter of your attempt to launch a Golden Girls trend and our offer to pay for removing the life –size tattoo of Estelle Getty you got on your back. We have photos and we will use them if the report is not at the dead drop tomorrow.

INTERNAL EMBASSY COMMUNICATION
FROM: PARIS BUREAU
TO: XXXX, STATE DEPARTMENT
Priority: HIGH
Have it on good authority that Rag and Bone is collaborating with Opening Ceremony, Swarovski, Proenza Schouler and Marni to create a line of fitted v-neck white tee shirts which are so perfect and fitted you will totally die. You have to promise to wear them only once and then destroy them before you can even get on the waiting list. They go for $10,000 each, $25,000 for a three-pack. Have inquired into embassy discount.

HAUTE/USFASHION USUN LONDON 9917
2011–02–10
C O N F I D E N T I A L UNIT 22 MOBILE
SUBECT: BACKSTAGE INTEL
Classification: BREAKING
This just happened: Model XXXXXXXX threw up a piece of felt backstage at the Burberry Prorsum show. Head designer XXXXXX wanted to auction it for charity but his co-designer boyfriend wanted it for their Regurgitation Resort collection. The model is demanding the felt be repatriated — this could be fashion’s Elgin Marbles.

HAUTE/USFASHION USUN PARIS 4003
2011–01–31
C O N F I D E N T I A L SECTION 699 DESK 30
SUBECT: DEVELOPMENTS REGARDING XXXXXXXX, (codename: KAISER)
Classification: HIGHEST

The internal tension at the House of KAISER is reaching the boiling point. It’s rumored he has spent the past two years in a Diet Coke-fueled delirium, punctuated by the occasional Evian binge. A loyal cadre of supporters has kept him afloat, and the fact that he rarely designs anything original has helped them to keep the situation under wraps. Last week at an intervention, his followers begged him to resign, asking him to heed the large crowd gathering in the square below, calling for his resignation.

But the KAISER is unrepentant, claiming his house is “too big to fail.” When I was granted an audience, he ordered me to tell you, sir, that he has been living in France and speaking German for many years now, and been none the worse for it. The KAISER’s position is that without the fashion elite to distract the masses from what’s really going on in the world, more and more populist uprisings will occur, some in sweatpants or worse, though he declined to elaborate.

COMMENT: Suggest we initiate bailout and that all RTW orders be called home at once for safekeeping. He’s right about the uprisings, but he’s wrong about one thing — nothing could be worse than sweatpants. END COMMENT

Mikki Halpin is a writer in Brooklyn. She has always wanted to be a spy.

Mike Albo is a writer and performer who lives and loves in Brooklyn. He is also a founding member of the legendary downtown NYC naked glittery dance troupe, The Dazzle Dancers.

• Shifting, avalanching, freezing-and-unfreezing dark basalt sand dunes encircling the North Pole of the planet Mars

• Area flooded around the city of Rockhampton, in Queensland, Australia last month

• God’s rusty steel ring

• The hole you left deep inside of my heart

• One half of an area of water in the Pacific Ocean that has lots of plastic garbage in it — though NOT in one solid “patch”

• Gil Scott-Heron’s ego

• Bill Callahan’s ego

• The asteroid approaching Earth in Armageddon

• Beck’s old girlfriend’s tofu

• Mouth of insane silverback gorilla bling in window display in Diamond District, to scale

I smiled through pretty much all of this. You might also enjoy, if you have not yet seen. [Via]

“American bears are, for the most part, more assertive and autonomous than English bears.” She’s talking about bears in popular culture, but this comparison between our bears and those of our former colonial overlords will be of interest to anyone who has an obsession with bears, books and Britain. Surely I’m not the only one.