The epic conclusion to an entire season of poetic football picks.

New England -3 NY Giants 54

When Yahweh created the USA She put two towns four hours away And in the sports they'd always play Until everyone was sick of hearing about them.

Boston with its chowder, New York with its cocaine Had a belligerent rivalry to maintain. Boston had a strangler, New York, a son of Sam And all the other cities stopped giving a damn.

Four cold dark years ago They met in a southwest state that has no soul. And because the Patriots stopped taping practices They got defeated, the Giants kicked their [...]

Saturday, January 7

At Houston -3 Cincinnati 38.5

The Texans have finally won the South Mostly because Peyton Manning is out. And their quarterback is now injured, too. Leaving their offense completely askew. Receiver Andre Johnson is healthy. Running back Arian Foster's stealthy. But who will be their starting quarterback? Rookie T. J. Yates will lead the attack. The Bengals turn to a rookie as well And Andy Dalton has been pretty swell. Rookie A.J. Green is a Pro Bowler But the Bengals play kind of bi-polar. They tend to be their own worst enemy And three points just isn't enough for me. PICK: TEXANS, THE UNDER

Thursday, November 24

Green Bay -6.5 At Detroit It's Thanksgiving Day! Can the Lions end The Pack's Perfect Season? Yes. PICK: LIONS

At Dallas -7 Miami The Dolphins won thrice ruining their chances of a Franchise QB. Duh. PICK: DOLPHINS

At Baltimore -3 San Francisco Unless you have the NFL Network you'll be watching Charlie Brown. PICK: LUCY, 49ERS

Sunday, November 6

Atlanta -7 At Indianapolis Colts should load up a truck and after dark move back to East Baltimore. PICK: FALCONS

At New Orleans -8 Tampa Bay After the Saints lost to the hapless Rams I hope they went to DQ. PICK: SAINTS

Sunday, October 16

At Green Bay -14.5 St. Louis The Rams have no chance. They may as well stay home and watch the game and drink. PICK: PACKERS, BREWERS

At Pittsburgh -12 Jacksonville Did you know that in Pittsburgh they put the french fries inside your sandwich? PICK: STEELERS

At New England -7 Baltimore 50

The Ravens are well known for their defense but so much depends upon Joe Flacco and Ray Rice if they are to defeat the Patriots. Is there any quarterback handsomer than Brady? Let's hope Ray Lewis doesn't destroy Foxborough with his purple death rays this coming Sunday.

If the home team expects to win on Sunday They will need to burn the Ravens' defense. Gronkowski must have a big day in Foxborough And the Pats' D must fluster Joe Flacco. He's certainly not as handsome as Tom Brady. But he could be dangerous against the Patriots.

December 22

Houston -6 At Indianapolis Can Indy's back-up quarterback beat Houston's third- string QB? Who cares. PICK: COLTS

December 24

At Kansas City -2.5 Oakland Deal with the devil Chiefs struck to beat the Packers lasts another week. PICK: CHIEFS

Thursday, November 17

NY Jets -6 At Denver Thursday Night Football! So just DVR "Whitney" and never watch it. PICK: JETS

Sunday, November 20

At Atlanta -6 Tennessee Atlanta coach blew their last game in Overtime. Falcons are grumpy. PICK: FALCONS

Sunday, October 30

At Tennessee -8.5 Indianapolis This year Indy hosts the Super Bowl and the Colts will be parking cars. PICK: TITANS

At Houston -9.5 Jacksonville Jaguars beat Ravens So who knows what the hell's up. I have no idea. PICK: TEXANS

Sunday, October 2

At Dallas -1 Detroit Everyone loves Detroit! Are Lions Super Bowl-Bound? Eminem Halftime! PICK: LIONS

New Orleans -7 At Jacksonville Jaguars D not bad. But Saints no doubt have a Jones-Drew voodoo doll. PICK: SAINTS

At Philadelphia -8.5 San Francisco Vick sick of hits. Dream Team is a Scream Machine. Philly Not Sunny. PICK: 49ERS

New Orleans -4 At San Francisco 47

The Saints' offense is historically great Drew Brees' production just dominates. They have so many weapons that can score. Even on the road they're tough to ignore. Candlestick Park isn't the Superdome The 49ers defense stands alone. Can Alex Smith and the offense keep pace With the Saints scoring all over the place? If Frank Gore can have a big game rushing and their cornerbacks can be punishing maybe San Francisco can eke one out. Both coaches have serious genius clout. If this was played indoors I'd reverse it. But wind makes interceptions, so that's that. PICK: NINERS, THE UNDER

Thursday, December 15

At Atlanta -12 Jacksonville The Falcons are headed to the playoffs and the Jags are going golfing. PICK: FALCONS

Saturday, December 17

Dallas -7 At Tampa Bay I want to go to St. Petersburg in Russia. Florida smells old. PICK: COWBOYS

Thursday, November 10

At San Diego -7 Oakland If Philip Rivers throws one more pick he wins a bowl of booger soup. PICK: RAIDERS

Saturday, November 12

Manny Pacquiao v. Juan Manuel Marquez III (9-1) Not another tie! After 12 Rounds they should go to penalty kicks. PICK: MARQUEZ

Sunday, October 23

Chicago -1 Tampa Bay (At London) I'd rather see Man U Take on the Chicago Bears with a side of chips. PICK: BUCCANEERS

At Carolina -2.5 Washington It's really time that the Redskins changed their nickname. The Washington Jazz. PICK: PANTHERS

San Diego -2 At NY Jets Occupy Wall Street should link arms and help the Jets stop the running game. PICK: CHARGERS