AFC and NFC Championship Sestina and Villanelle Picks

At New England -7 Baltimore 50

The Ravens are well known for their defense
but so much depends upon Joe Flacco
and Ray Rice if they are to defeat the Patriots.
Is there any quarterback handsomer than Brady?
Let’s hope Ray Lewis doesn’t destroy Foxborough
with his purple death rays this coming Sunday.

If the home team expects to win on Sunday
They will need to burn the Ravens’ defense.
Gronkowski must have a big day in Foxborough
And the Pats’ D must fluster Joe Flacco.
He’s certainly not as handsome as Tom Brady.
But he could be dangerous against the Patriots.

A lot of things have to go right for the Patriots.
Their secondary has to have a big game Sunday.
They need big production from handsome Tom Brady.
With their weapons they’ll spread the Ravens’ defense.
And hopefully put the pressure on Joe Flacco
to make mistakes and thrill the fans of Foxborough.

What could silence the crowd at Foxborough?
If the offense struggles for the Patriots.
The keys to victory is in the hands of Flacco.
Ray Rice could gain 200 yards on Sunday.
And they could fall back squarely on their defense
To silence the strong arm of handsome Tom Brady.

Pats fans completely trust Tom Brady.
They stopped secretly taping other teams’ practices in Foxborough
A bad policy for which they had no defense.
They haven’t won a Super Bowl since, these Patriots.
But fans hope that come the game on Sunday
they won’t be distracted by the weird facial hair of Joe Flacco.

It’s like some kind of weird horseshoe on Joe Flacco.
Who is not as handsome as handsome Tom Brady.
I look forward to watching his ass in the huddle on Sunday.
There won’t be any snow at game time in Foxborough.
The sestina form demands that I mention “Patriots”
And this line must end with the word “defense.”

This part of the sestina is called the ‘envoi’
and I am supposed to mention all of the words
I’ve repeated like 6 times, but I won’t.


At San Francisco -2.5 NY Giants 42

The 49ers must stop the G-Men’s Front Four
To complete their renaissance season.
But does Eli Manning have more miracles in store?

With no scoring this game might be a snore.
Will Alex Smith end up looking like Tony Eason?
The Niners must stop the G-Men’s Front Four

The wind at Candlestick will blow in from the shore
If the passing games are off that might be the reason.
But does Eli Manning have more miracles in store?

They should just hand the ball off to Frank Gore
That’s how they beat Drew Brees and
The Niners must stop the G-Men’s Front Four

I might watch the game with a whore
and poo on the American flag, which is treason.
Does Eli Manning have more miracles in store?

I’ll have to find my Jason Seahorn jersey in my drawer;
it’s too small, it makes me look like Jackie Gleason.
The Niners must stop the G-Men’s Front Four
Does Eli Manning have more miracles in store?


NFL Sonnet Playoff Picks went 2–5–1 last week. What the hell, Packers? That’s 132–136–8 for the whole season.

Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.