"A Gainesville driver told police he left the scene of an accident because he was about to have an accident in his pants." —Why even go on with today.
"The state Education Department is poised to award a $27 million no-bid contract to a company former city Schools Chancellor Joel Klein oversees." —Good. Grief.
Do you have a "long form" birth certificate? I certainly don't! The "hospital" in which I was "born" apparently "burned down." Now I will never be president, if the birther sympathizers get their way. Unfortunately, they probably won't, because even when they introduce legislation that requires a "long form" birth certificate to run for office, they are also forced to admit they don't know what one is. It's also worth noting that these legislators are attempting to put into law that a citizen who has ever had dual citizenship may not run for president. This is probably unconstitutional? Though who knows! Still, good luck getting a [...]
"A Southern California fortuneteller has been convicted on nine felony sex counts for convincing two teenage girls he could turnaround bleak futures if they had sex with him." Oh, but? "Defense lawyer Gregory Humphries insisted the girls were lying and says a cold interrogation room led to Duran's videotaped confession." Or! "He also argued that the girls' inability to be specific about times and dates of the incidents shows they were making up the allegations." Oof, that'll go down in the history of bad courtroom arguments.
In case you missed our drubbing of Massively Open Online Courses, the world performed its own takedown, as an online class of 41,000 students about the planning of online classes just went fully haywire and was shutdown. I laughed!
Sheryl Sandberg Leaves Work at 5:30 Every Day — And You Should Toomashable.com/2012/04/05/she…
— Caitrin O'Sullivan (@CaitrinO) April 9, 2012
"I mean honestly, people, if you don’t have a rich husband and a job that’s willing to be flexible with your hours, it’s entirely your fault." Oh sure. Though I'm pretty sure the Facebook COO is far richer by now than her husband. Anyway, I'll be leaving work today at 4:30 p.m., so you know, watch my moves, people.
Neighbors in Chelsea are up in arms against a building that will serve homeless people—but they're just against large shelters, you see, because they think those are bad for people. They're not technically against the 12-story services and shelter tenant that wants to move into a building at 127 W. 25th Street. Except that they totally are.
The building, actually, will consolidate several services of the Bowery Residents' Committee, and, like other large non-profits in New York, had to consider more than a hundred locations before it found a good fit and a willing landlord.
And, as she will always do where nonprofits are involved, useless and [...]
Should you want to get on a giant sea vehicle named Freedom of the Seas, with a bunch of shut-ins who've come outside for the first time, awesome news! It's a Harry Potter cruise! From the press release: "Passengers will be immersed in this wizarding world at sea, which will include a Sorting Ceremony, Classes in Potions and Defense Against the Dark Arts, Wizards Chess, Horcrux Hunt, Yule Ball, Quidditch Lessons on board taught by Harry, Cedric and the International Quidditch Association, Quidditch Match on land, Team Trivia Contest, Wizards Wheel of Fortune, Charity Auction, Vendors Room and Photo Shoot. Events will only take place while the ship is [...]
We don't make fun of children, so we won't, because it's all their parents' doing. (And also, these kids are totally adorable and funny.) But everything else aside in this hot mess… who taught pre-tweens about non-disclosure agreements? That is not right. I thank the universe every day that I'll be dead when you kids are running the world. [via]
CBS New York News—that's the TV station that didn't employ Sue Simmons—is going big on how JFK airport is a hotbed of thefts in checked luggage. Their claim: there are 200 thefts a day, every day, from checked bags: "Baggage handlers, jetway workers and even security people are all in on the ongoing scam to steal you blind," is what they're screaming. Their big money quote is from "JFK security lawyer Kenneth Mollins." Did you know there was a kind of lawyer who was a "JFK security lawyer"? That seems unusual! Actually, Kenneth Mollins is a "personal injury attorney." He once:
"Now my kids are feeling concerned that the world is going to end and they aren’t ready." —There is nowhere to which the Times parenting blog won't go.
Oh look, Mitt Romney is on a tour of Afghanistan, Israel, Jordan and the U.A.E. Maybe he is giving Hamid Karzai some free consulting. (Maybe he'll run into Joe Biden! Awkwardsies.) New Gallup polling puts him as third, right behind Newt Gingrich, way below Mike Huckabee, in "highest net favorability rating of prospective 2012 GOP contenders."