Tuesday, November 6th, 2012

Did You Still Not Vote Yet? Here Is One Good Reason Why: Paul Ryan

Everyone's going to say the same thing, you're going to hear it all day, sorry to be so boring. Oh, do please go vote.

Now, if you are Canadian, or a felon, or both, which is pretty likely with YOU PEOPLE, I am very sorry. How annoying, I am sure. Or perhaps you messed up your voter registration and you are cowering in shame in your hovel. That is legitimate.

As for the rest of you… do you know how to vote? It's not hard. Here's a handy step-by-step guide.

But I would very much like you to vote. I have heard the arguments about being "implicated" in a "system of compromise" and therefore "not wanting to vote." To you, I say: EAT DICKS IN SPACE.

I mean honestly, don't go to the supermarket then if you can't deal with being implicated. An abusive system that keeps poor people poor brought that food to your table, oh no, better stop eating. YOU ARE implicated.

Not voting is fine, in a system in which every candidate is absolutely identical. But really, they never are. It's just that the big two candidates are very, very similar.

But do you not remember the last New York City mayoral election? When Bloomberg kept putting it out that his third term was in the bag? Guess what! IT WASN'T. But no one really went to vote, and he squeaked by on your apathy.

And sure. Voting is a funny combination of hard and easy. Like most of you probably, I have an argument with myself every election about "voting my conscience" versus "voting practically." This year, NOT THAT YOU ASKED, I was pretty seriously bent on voting my conscience. That would mean voting for neither the Republican or the Democratic candidate. This is the "but they're both pigs" theory, which is legit. And you are totally welcome to vote for Roseanne or whomever you like. I mean I was pretty close.

But over the last month… Paul Ryan made me vote for Barack Obama, as a clear way to say "I am among the people who am horrified by Paul Ryan, and I will use my vote in a way that is perhaps distasteful to me against Paul Ryan."

Dick Cheney was a monster who should never have been allowed to live in the Naval Observatory. And while Paul Ryan's not the terrifying, crushing, battering ram of a capitalist brute that Cheney was, I actually think that Paul Ryan is more deadly. He embodies the Republican plank, and if you have not read that plank, you should do so. It is pretty harrowing.

Mitt Romney—eh, poor Mitt is just a guy who doesn't understand why he's not more popular, because everyone's always liked him, and he doesn't understand why he can't explain that he believes whatever it is that we all want him to believe at any given moment. But Paul Ryan is a true believer. Paul Ryan wants to amend the holy crap out of the Constitution. And even though he's also a pig at the trough like Cheney, unlike Cheney he fervently wants to create a Christian nation out of the United States. No thanks.

Paul Ryan is literally out campaigning on his belief that "traditional marriage" is an "American value." He is out campaigning on the idea that "unelected judges" shouldn't decide what the Constitution says. He believes "our faith informs us in everything we do." The word "our" in that is not acceptable. He believes a fetus is a person. He is also only 42, and we have to start dealing with him now.

In any event: you were warned. Do what you want with that.

37 Comments / Post A Comment

alorsenfants (#139)

Exactly — here is my mirror post on Facebook last night — voila

Sermonette Time! With tomorrow being imminent (?!!!!) I wanted to make mention of something I have been thinking but not saying over the past two months. And that is:
It is Highly Possible that Paul Ryan, who has been very discreet, modest, and behind-the-scenes in this election campaign, very under the radar — is an even bigger menace than his boss? If they do win — can't believe they will, but all things are possible — expect to see this guy come out blazing, with an agenda that rivals the one you would get from the AntiChrist?
Because: this Dude's belief system is woeful. It will cause undue harm.
Thanks for listening. DON'T fail to Vote

hershmire (#233,671)

Yeah, well, I'm voting against Cheri Honkala. I'll be damned if I let a party named after a secondary color get elected.

Astigmatism (#1,950)

That's ridiculous. Everybody knows that the real American Value is bacon-wrapped steak 'n eggs for $7 at IHOP.

So well said! I am sick unto death of people saying voting doesn't matter because we need to organize/overthrow/etc. YES, AND. Yes, vote, get in people who you can bargain with, and then apply the pressure. That's how things are done.

alexanderkaim (#239,205)



so even if you have committed a felony, but you have served your time, you have no excuse not to vote. (unless you live in Florida, Iowa, Kentucky or Virginia, with some restrictions in Alabama, Arizona, Delaware, Mississippi, Nevada, Tennessee and Wyoming).

IBentMyWookie (#133)

"But I would very much like you to vote. I have heard the arguments about being "implicated" in a "system of compromise" and therefore "not wanting to vote." To you, I say: EAT DICKS IN SPACE.
I mean honestly, don't go to the supermarket then if you can't deal with being implicated. An abusive system that keeps poor people poor brought that food to your table, oh no, better stop eating. YOU ARE implicated"



IBentMyWookie (#133)

@Vijith Assar@twitter Ask your mom how she did it.

LondonLee (#922)

I really don't think it's possible to eat a dick in space. I mean, the helmet would get in the way.

Multiphasic (#411)

@LondonLee I think NASA uses some sort of dick-flavored gel.

Don Is (#10,212)

@Multiphasic No, they have freeze-dried dick. Kind of like Cheetos, but glansier.

laurel (#4,035)

In space no one can hear you swallow.

sarahpm (#13,702)

@laurel LOL

Leon (#6,596)

Haha I too have been fighting w/ facebook friends, "Oh, it is a blue state, your vote is irrelevant."

Okay – for one, local elections. Note irrelevant at all.
For Two – you may not change the winner of the election, but you still figure into both the vote tally, and the voter turnout percentages for your district. If you are from a district – especially one heavily made up of a single demographic – which has a really low turnout, you're basically telling people "Don't bother with our interests! We don't vote, so defund our schools over here, cuz we don't give a shit!" And other stuff.

Also, the only reason a single vote doesn't decide the presidency is because a shitload of people vote. If every single person said "Oh, i'm just one person, why bother voting" then ZERO VOTES WOULD BE CAST. Any kind of approach to life which only works if not everybody follows it is a pretty stupid approach to life. (This lacks nuance because it is a BLOG COMMENT, but I'm pretty happy to back up the ethics of this if anybody wants to have a long debate over it, at a bar, with drinking)

@Leon Saint-Jean : YES, and point one cannot get enough attention.

Your vote may not really count in the presidential election, and it may hardly count in the House / Senate races but it absolutely does at the state and local level. And, in a lot of cases, there will be a wider range of people running at the local level, so you can really parse your vote pretty fine there and match up with a candidate who's actually reasonably close to your views.

Also, school board elections are a huge target for (cough, cough) various national organizations, because they're super easy to take over and you can do a lot of damage once you control the local board of education. So, don't forget about those down-ballot races, because that's where : 1. every vote counts, and yours in particular is suddenly immensely valuable, and 2. the winner is in a position to have a direct and immediate impact on you.

@Leon Saint-Jean I hope you don't mind, but I quoted you on my facebook page because you are so right.

iantenna (#5,160)

@Leon Saint-Jean regarding point one, i took great pleasure today in voting against all oakland city council members whose answer to every single fucking thing appears to be MORE COPS.

pissy elliott (#397)

And remember: for judicial elections, you can use your state's Bar Association as a guide for endorsements, or do what I do and vote for women and ethnic names. That's how my mom got elected!

IBentMyWookie (#133)

By the way, "It has its father's eyes" should totally have been the alt text for that picture


Matt (#26)

Whoa. Did Choice actually just say "I am who am"?

That's some kind of noise!

City_Dater (#2,500)

Yep. Importance of local elections aside, anyone who's walking around saying "it doesn't matter" really needs to consider the idea that the least compassionate Catholic since Pope Gregory has no business being a heartbeat away from the U.S. presidency.

deepomega (#1,720)

And if you live in CA there are actually some kind of important Propositions! (Which all my coworkers are saying they didn't bother to vote on, so.) ((Except the anti-GMO one, OBVIOUSLY, which is gonna pass with flying colors and I'm gonna be super :( about))

pepper (#676)

@deepomega Do you work for Monsanto? Because while stuff like fish genes in tomatoes are just skeevy, there are some pretty serious implications if some of the fertility-killing genes and such in play should escape – and they will. Heavy regulations would be better, but at the moment, labeling, which should be uncontroversial, is all we've got.

deepomega (#1,720)

@pepper I don't. I like GMOs because they increase productivity. I don't like Monsanto, but not liking a corporation isn't the same as not wanting to fuck over small farms. For instance, Prop 37 lets consumers sue farms for inaccurate labeling (even if they didn't have any damages as a result), which means anyone – even, say, a Monsanto employee! – could sue a farm. Nuisants suits are the devil's work, and while I would like some way to verify non-GMO food so it CAN be labeled (but didn't have to be!) I really don't want to set up a hard-to-repeal law that creates so many avenues for abuse.

Also, I mean, do you think there should be a law mandating that non-organic food be labeled as such?

Bittersweet (#765)

@deepomega Insert my standard comment here about how terrible most state propositions/referenda are, and how they generally screw things up, and isn't that what we're paying state lawmakers to do anyway.

More Choire editorials, please.

Also, "EAT DICKS IN SPACE" is some Ice-T-level pimp shit.

RonMwangaguhung (#3,697)

Paul Ryan is such a fucking infant. At his age he is still fucking crushing on Ayn Rand? I could tots understand it if he was a precocious high school student loving the speechifying. But the fucker is middle aged. Time to grow up. #TeamObama

sarahpm (#13,702)

Eat dicks in space — yes. eat them. awesome. I can't fucking stand progressives too clean and pure to vote for Obama. They have NO FUCKING IDEA what his job is like. Even more so, I can't stand how they think voting for him means that we think he's perfect, and if we only could see the world like them, and be as smart and daring as them, we would "get it." I get that there are two candidates who have a chance of winning. One of them is flawed but decent, one of them is a fucking menace. case closed.

@sarahpm Those conversations remind me so much of the heated discussions we had in the basement of my dorm freshman year. Grow up and learn to understand nuance, people.

sarahpm (#13,702)

@Better to Eat You With yeah totally. i don't understand it. and i also admit to feeling — as much as I am worried about people throwing away a potentially reasonable vote — offended. Like, do you really think i don't get what you're saying? It's infantile. I get it, and then i assimilate and move on.

hman (#53)



Nice call, Choire. Paul Ryan is a hack. Anyone who has a brain and has read up on him knows he's an ass kissing fake economist who doesn't understand governance. Luckily for all of us, Ohio is leaning Obama and a second term shall be glorious.

sarahbee (#11,692)

> Now, if you are Canadian, or a felon, or both, which is pretty likely with YOU PEOPLE, I am very sorry.

Busted. It's basically just a big Canadian internet party here, right?

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