Friday, April 20th, 2012

12 Things Currently Being Sold On eBay Because They Kinda Look Like Jesus

Easter Egg Jesus

Description: “My 5 year old created this egg using a Tie Dye Egg kit. This is better than the Jesus grilled cheese, better than the Jesus cheeto, and definitely better than the George Washington chicken nugget. And I'm sure that a 5 year old girl in the Midwest could use a little more money in her college account. Sale is final.”

Starting Bid: None, although there is a “reserve” that is not specified.

Current Bid: $.99, which is not yet enough to reach said reserve.

Item Location: Mason, MI

Jesus Blesses World “Tostitos Corn Chip Anomaly”

Description: “My wife and I had just asked for blessings, opened the bag of Tostitos and saw this chip fused to a separate piece. The smaller piece was obviously a piece of the larger sheet from which the chips were cut. My wife exclaimed, 'that looks like Jesus in a robe with outstreched arms blessing the world.' It is classified as used only bacause it is not sealed in the original bag. This has been my favorite chip for years and it is the first fusion I've seen yet.”

Starting Bid: $0.99

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Woodstock, GA

Tortilla Christ

Description: “Miraculous appearance in an average pack of tortillas. Too cool…5-6 Inches across standard tortilla!! Too Cool!”

Starting Bid: $4.99

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: San Antonio, TX

Sweet Potato Fry-Jus

Description: “We were having Easter dinner when we discovered this fry that looks like Jesus hanging on the cross. It is being kept safe in an air tight Tupperware and is in perfect condition. It is a very interesting and special item since it was discovered on Easter.”

Starting Bid: $5

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Andover, MN

1940s B/W Photo of Jesus

Description: “This is a picture I found in a box I bought at a garage sale. Most of the pictures from the box are from the 1940s thru the 1960s, so I am guessing at the age of this one. I don't know anything about it, but as soon as I looked at it I could see the image of a man with a beard in what appears to be a robe? I think it may be a mountainside covered in snow but your guess is good as mine, I just know what I see.”

Starting Bid: $5.00

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Seville, OH

“Jesus Overlooking the Rockies”

Description: “This is a sample of the photograph you will receive in 8X10 format sent directly to your home or address provided. The word “Sample” of course will be removed so you may enjoy your actual photo of Jesus looking out over the Rocky Mountains and all who enjoy the natural activities there.”

Starting Bid: $5.00

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Colorado Springs, CO

“Miracle Toaster”

Description: “Jesus on Toast! Yes, this is REAL toast. Jesus appears before us on a standard size piece of toast that is preserved.” (NOTE: It is unclear if one is bidding on the actual Jesus-burnt toast in the photo or a toaster that provides users with Christ-like marks.)

Starting Bid: $9.99

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Washington State

Fish Bone Jesus “Miracle or illussion?”

Description: “In my opinion it is a miracle, but I believe in Miracles as I was granted one 
~ by recovering from a spinal injury after being given a 5% chance of ever walking again
. You will see the image of Jesus on this fish skull bone – a miracle has occured. Formed in Nature by the hand of God – not man made…I am sure I will be on Jay Leno, David Letterman or Conan O'Brien if they see this auction.”

Starting Bid: $19.99

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Cape Coral, FL

Bone Jesus

Description: “Do you see the image of Jesus? It's hard to explain this one. It is said Jesus makes his presence known. I believe it is here on this bone.”

Starting Bid: $75

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Brecksville, OH

Jesus and Mary in Stone

Description: “Another surprising thing about this Stone is that on the other side of the Stone you can see the Virgin Mary staring up into the Heavens with Jesus sitting on her lap. I bought this Stone at a local Estate sale. I've looked carefully at the Stone and it looks like the Faces and Hands on Mary, Jesus and the Woman might have been accented with a flesh colored paint. The Stone is mounted on what looks like a rough piece of Marble to me. If you check photo # 8 you can see where the Artist signed and dated his work. I can't really make out the Artist's Signature, but the Date looks like 84 to me. For the Record, I am not claiming the Stone has any " Miraculous Powers ". I will compare my selling this Stone to anyone selling a Painting or Statue of Jesus.”

Starting Bid: $9,999.99

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Fort Lee, NJ

Jesus & Mary Wood

Description: “This Is A Piece Of Natural Wood With The Image Of The Virgin May & Jesus Discovered in 1973 On The Great River Road In Illinois. The Road Was Totally Closed Because of A Major Flood And Drift Wood That Had Covered It For 18 Miles Between 2 Towns In IL. Walking the Road For Several Miles It Simple Stood Out Among Piles Of Everything That Covered And Blocked The Road. In Other Words It Was Clear As A Bell And Appeared To Be Looking Back At The Finder. Which Was Quite Startling. It Has Been Sitting On A Night Table Next To The Bed For The Past 39 Years. The Only Thing That Has Changed, Is The Bed And Night Table.”

Starting Bid: $78,000

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Henderson, NV

Slate Christ

Description: “It is a naturally formed Image of jesus even see his feet crossed make your offer today!!!! Don't miss out on this Rare Piece.!!!! One Of A Kind Piece This is an amazing Rare find”

Opening Bid: $100,000

Current Bid: $0

Item Location: Alberta, Canada

Rick Paulas tracks this kind of stuff weekly at his “Dogmageddon” column over at Vice.

20 Comments / Post A Comment

100k seems a bit steep for a single page from a 30,000 year old copy of Hustler.

NorieY (#232,373)

@My Number Is My Address I imagine you giving yourself a Liz Lemon self high five with that one. Zing!

chrissth (#250)

I thought I was looking at a close up of the virgin birth.

Mr. B (#10,093)

Jesus Christ, what a lousy painter.

These are delightfully insane.

City_Dater (#2,500)

Tortilla Christ actually looks a lot more like Colin Firth.

And I'm worried about anyone who looks at that slate and sees Jesus.

laurel (#4,035)

I can understand how one my look at it and see God.

laurel (#4,035)

@laurel *might

Jasons_Johnson (#3,341)

@City_Dater Slate Christ totally looks like Jesus. A Jesus Fish, vertically. In the shape of a vagina.

jfruh (#713)

"My wife and I had just asked for blessings, opened the bag of Tostitos…"

So, that's a thing that people do?

boyofdestiny (#1,243)

Well, that's it. My faith has been confirmed.

katherine (#10,025)

"Don't miss out on this Rare Piece.!!!! One Of A Kind Piece This is an amazing Rare find”

Lil B?

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)


spoondisaster (#189,637)

"Jesus and Mary in Stone" looks more like Jesus and Mary making out, but that's just me.

cherrispryte (#444)

The last one's a vulva, right?

Don Is (#10,212)

@cherrispryte I think it'd have a much better chance selling on Etsy.

chumley (#8,864)

@cherrispryte "Christ, what a vulva."

Rianne R@twitter (#232,384)

the last one looks more like a vulva than Jesus

jhontrosy2 (#232,499)

hi are you carzy

Paddytimes (#287,517)

My potato looks like Patrick Star from Spongebob. That's kind of religious.

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