Tuesday, March 27th, 2012

Are You Too Stupid To Have Friends?

I have very recently come to realize that I am a terrible friend. Well, perhaps "terrible" is a bit of an overstatement: I will be there for you if you come to me in need, or really make any kind of effort at all, but otherwise I try to keep my head down and not get involved. There are plenty of reasons for this, mostly involving fatigue and heavy drinking and a crippling sense of dread at the thought of picking up the phone just to chat and catch up on your life. In a sense, our new electronic world has been a major accomplice in my declining amiability; if we've corresponded over email, however briefly, I somehow score that as a full bout of contact. A tweet is a good as a night out, in my mind. It is a difficult position to defend when looked at from a distance, and it makes me consider the proposition that I am not, in fact, as kind and compassionate to those about whom I care than I had previously considered myself to be. Fortunately, it turns out that it's not my fault: I must have a small brain! So it's not you, friend, it's me. Please forgive me. I'm just not that bright.

Photo by William Perugini, via Shutterstock


14 Comments / Post A Comment

Screen Name (#2,416)

"We found that individuals who had more friends did better on mentalising tasks and had more neural volume in the orbital frontal cortex, the part of the forebrain immediately above the eyes," said Prof Robin Dunbar, who led the study.

Oh, well no wonder. That's the spot where I keep my palm.

saythatscool (#101)

@Screen Name Well what else is going to cover the trepanation hole?

Screen Name (#2,416)

@saythatscool What does "mentalising tasks" mean? I'm too stupid to understand why I'm too stupid to have any friends.

p.s. I had to look up trepanation, too. Might try it!

scroll_lock (#4,122)

@saythatscool It's hot when you talk about alternative medicine. Makes the fontanel throb.

@Screen Name My ability to mentalise tasks is precisely why I don't answer the phone.

lawyergay (#220)

I love you like a no-maintenance brother, Alex Balk.

deepomega (#1,720)

Friend is just another word for "obligation."

BadUncle (#153)

Look, my brain may be the size of a chihuahua's. But I'll make friends with anyone if I'm rewarded with a beer.

SidAndFinancy (#4,328)

I don't think it has to be either/or. It's eithor.

BadUncle (#153)

@SidAndFinancy I huff that all the time.

A tweet is a good as a night out, in my mind.

At your (and my) age, do you actually have any friends who still go out at night?

scroll_lock (#4,122)

You had me at "crippling sense of dread".

RickVigorous (#214)

Is that photo the aftermath of a horrible crime scene, or is that just wishful thinking?

kellycarr96 (#230,931)

For friends…….. happy to be stupid.. :P

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