Saul Alinsky's Lesser Known Rules for Radicals

Rule 23: Always separate your cause buttons for easier reading.

Rule 24: Layer for warmth.

Rule 25: “Birth of a Nation” is a great pre-action psych-up film no matter the political faction.

Rule 26: Beer before liquor, never been sicker. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear. Also, vomit is an acceptable protest projectile.

Rule 27: Ridicule is the most potent weapon you can use as a commenter on Brooklyn Vegan.

Rule 28: By substituting a Panera Bread’s® Half Smoked Turkey Breast Sandwich on Country Miche with Steak Chili for full Frontega Chicken® Panini on Focaccia, you’ll save 370 calories.

Rule 29: Picking a widely held nugget of conventional wisdom and then constructing an essay all about why it is completely wrong is good for pageviews.

Rule 30: If it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, it goes down.

Rule 31: Never tip less than 15%.

Rule 32: In Chicago, Tavern on Rush is where you go to be seen eating a steak. The Chop House on West Ontario is where to go to eat a godamn steak.

Rule 33: If you have a big penis, always find a way to work it into the conversation. You will increase insecurity, anxiety and uncertainty amongst your enemies. Plus, if anyone challenges you on the claim, you have a golden opportunity to prove it. Nobody has ever disliked a guy with a huge penis.

Rule 34: Never wear black with brown.

Rule 35: You can never go wrong blaming the media. Don’t worry about alienating them. They are deranged cannibals and will always come back for more.

Rule 36: Combining a Taco Bell and a Pizza Hut is a perfect tactic to reach two consumer groups without doubling your fixed expenses.

Rule 37: If it’s your first demonstration, you must toss back the tear gas.

Abe Sauer is the author of the book How to be: North Dakota. He is on Twitter. Email him at abesauer @ gmail.com.