Friday, January 6th, 2012
4

NFL Wildcard Weekend Sonnet Picks

Saturday, January 7

At Houston -3 Cincinnati 38.5

The Texans have finally won the South
Mostly because Peyton Manning is out.
And their quarterback is now injured, too.
Leaving their offense completely askew.
Receiver Andre Johnson is healthy.
Running back Arian Foster's stealthy.
But who will be their starting quarterback?
Rookie T. J. Yates will lead the attack.
The Bengals turn to a rookie as well
And Andy Dalton has been pretty swell.
Rookie A.J. Green is a Pro Bowler
But the Bengals play kind of bi-polar.
They tend to be their own worst enemy
And three points just isn't enough for me.
PICK: TEXANS, THE UNDER

At New Orleans -10.5 Detroit 59

The Lions are back in the playoff rounds
And optimism in Detroit abounds.
But the Saints team is totally complete
Their offense will be very tough to beat.
And their defense is underrated
They get penetration unabated.
The Lions do well coming from behind
And the score may be ugly at halftime.
But redemption from Ndamukong Suh
May leave Drew Brees feeling terribly blue.
The Superdome is a tough place to play
The Lions must keep Jimmy Graham at bay.
Throw early and often to Megatron
And maybe it will be them who march on.
PICK: LIONS, THE OVER

Sunday, January 8

At NY Giants -3 Atlanta 47.5

Who can say which Giants team will show up?
Was their late-season swoon a small hiccup?
Their defensive line is quite impressive.
Jason Pierre-Paul is so aggressive!
Also Justin Tuck is healthy for once!
But Antrel Rolle is such a giant ponce!
Their secondary is intensely weak.
They rank 29th when teams do pass deep.
And but for one bad play in overtime
The Falcons might have had a first-round bye.
Matt Ryan and his strong passing assault
Might be fit to expose the G-Men's faults.
The wind may howl at Met Life Stadium
Can Manning get Cruz to tango for him?
PICK: FALCONS, THE UNDER

Pittsburgh -8.5 At Denver 33.5

The story of the year has been Tebow.
He has been the savior of the Broncos.
They will only go as far as he goes,
Depending on him for more miracles.
But the Steelers are battle-tested,
and their injured players should be rested.
They are without Rashard Mendenhall,
Will they be able to run the football?
Roethlisberger is an elusive guy.
In the pocket he is profoundly spry.
There's almost zero chance he'll take a sack
And he can always bring the Steelers back.
The Steel Curtain D is great but old.
Will they want to chase Tebow in the cold?
PICK: BRONCOS, THE UNDER

Haiku Picks went 126-127-7 in the regular season.



Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.

4 Comments / Post A Comment

KenWheaton (#401)

"And but for one bad play in overtime
The Falcons might have had a first-round bye."

Maybe I'm scanning this incorrectly, but how could one play going the other way given a wild-card team a bye? Especially considering the Saints won the second game against the Falcons as well.

–Signed, a Saints fan

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

Will you please stop parroting that senseless shit about Tebow being the savior of the Broncos?

In the game Broncos had to win in order to not depend on the Chargers to save them a spot in the playoffs, Tebow threw 22 passes, for 6 completions totaling 60 yards, with one interception and no touchdowns. He also carried the ball 6 times for 16 yards. All that at home. I'm pretty sure that's the worst performance by a non-relief QB in an important game in the history of NFL. In spite of this, Broncos lost by only 4.

Savior my dick. The real savior of Broncos is the dumbass Raiders defense.

KenWheaton (#401)

@Niko Bellic Phillip Rivers was the QB that saved the Broncos. That ass can't do ANYTHING right.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

@KenWheaton Well, I guess that was a good game by Tebow. Talk about running game setting up the passing, scaled to the entire season. Steelers D kept overplaying the run for no obvious reason (for those who've just tuned in to the Bronco's season, that is).

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