Thursday, October 13th, 2011

Football Pick Haikus For Week 6

Sunday, October 16

At Green Bay -14.5 St. Louis
The Rams have no chance.
They may as well stay home and
watch the game and drink. PICK: PACKERS, BREWERS

At Pittsburgh -12 Jacksonville
Did you know that in
Pittsburgh they put the french fries
inside your sandwich? PICK: STEELERS

Philadelphia -1.5 At Washington
If the dream team keeps
Losing we may have to take
Their Liberty Bell. PICK: EAGLES

At Detroit -4 San Francisco
O Motor City!
The Lions are hotter than
Devil's Night houses. PICKS: LIONS, TIGERS

At Atlanta -4 Carolina
Falcons' Second Half
Was an AMC ad for
"The Walking Dead" show. PICK: PANTHERS

At Cincinnati -7 Indianapolis
Let us count the ways
Indianapolis sucks.
Every single way. PICK BENGALS

At NY Giants -3 Buffalo
You should still Bill-leave!
The G-Men play lousy at
Met Life Stadium. PICK: BILLS

At Baltimore -8 Houston
Mario Williams
Linebacker, out for the year.
Texans, pecked to death. PICK: RAVENS

At Oakland -6.5 Cleveland
Al Davis's ghost
won't rest until Raiders break
Penalty records. PICK: BROWNS

At New England -7 Dallas
Pats Offense is Great.
And Defense is Wicked Bad.
But Romo blows games. PICK: PATRIOTS

New Orleans -4.5 At Tampa Bay
Can the Saints win in
The Pirateship? As Balk says,
Sure, why the hell not? PICK: SAINTS

At Chicago -3 Minnesota
Both these teams stink and
don't even deserve haikus.
But I like purple. PICK: VIKINGS

Monday, October 17

At NY Jets -7 Miami
Reggie Bush might get
300 yards running straight
through Jets' sad run. D. PICK: DOLPHINS

Last Week's Haiku Picks went 11-2-1. You read that right. Season to
date is 36-39-3.

Jim Behrle tweets at @behrle for your possible amusement.

13 Comments / Post A Comment

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

Okay, your record last week is really good but you are SO WRONG about Bears losing to Vikings. Yes, the O-line is like 5 baby cubs out there, but there's still some momma bears that'll maul some Minnesotans. If I'm wrong, and we lose, I owe you a highly praise filled comment next week with less commas throughout. Deal?

sharilyn (#4,599)

I CANT BELIEVE YOU PICKED MIAMI we can't be friends anymore.

Astigmatism (#1,950)

@sharilyn Particularly as Miami is worldwide HQ of #suckforluck. There's no way they blow a chance to drop a game to a wounded division rival right now.

keisertroll (#1,117)

@Astigmatism The Eagles won two meaningless games at the end of their worst season ever, and it cost them the chance to draft O.J. Simpson. There used to be a time when this was considered a bad thing.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

Browns over Raiders? I know Al is dead, but that only makes him scarier. Didn't Amy Trask just issue another one of those statements saying that Mr. Al Davis has no intentions of ceding the control of the team? Don't worry about the game plan either: the end zone interceptions, the 60-yard field goals, and the punts eschewed in favor of 3rd down Hail Marys thrown into double coverage (as well as fakes) will all be there.

Niko Bellic (#1,312)

@Niko Bellic What did I tell ya? The fake filed goal for one TD, the kick-off returned for another, the 4th down backup QB sneak as the 1st play after the starting QB went down… bet on Raiders, it's not a football game, it's a heist!

hockeymom (#143)

Can I pick simply Prince Fielder over the Rams?

Dave Bry (#422)

I never watch football. But I feel like these poems tell me pretty much everything I need to know.

whizz_dumb (#10,650)

@Dave Bry Just don't forget:

"Let us count the ways
Indianapolis sucks.
Every single way."

Because that is the best poem ever written.

koko (#11,361)

Though Denver has a
buy week, you found a way to
reference Tebow.

Also have to say
I wait with bated breath for
this column all week.

Curmudgeonly, yes,
But a week off is a "bye."
Still, props for "bated."

koko (#11,361)

@Krugmanic Depressive

Damn it spellcheck, why
did you not catch that absurd
semantic mistake?!?

These still do not rhyme
Please, do not jinx the Tigers
Lions can't lend relievers.

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