Friday, April 8th, 2011
11

Donald Trump Would Run A Great, Great Country

Defense Secretary: Mr. President, we have a situation developing in the Middle East.
President Trump: Do you like what I've done with the Oval Office? Incredible, right? Have you ever seen anything like this?
Defense Secretary: Mr. President, there's a matter that…
President Trump: I show this place to very few people. Presidents, Kings… and they walk in, they look around, and they really can't believe what they're seeing.
Defense Secretary: It's very nice, Mr. President, sir, but there's a situation in Libya needs your attention. It seems that…
President Trump: Get to the point, get to the point.
Defense Secretary: We have fears that Muammar Gaddafi will begin exterminating those involved in…
President Trump: You don't like him very much, though, do you? Be honest.
Defense Secretary: Excuse me?
President Trump: Gaddafi. You've never been a big fan.
Defense Secretary: Mr. President, I don't think my personal feelings about….
President Trump: Tell the truth!
Defense Secretary: Well, I don't know that his particular approach to the current crisis is one that…
President Trump: Wow. You are a talker, do you know that? Could you please get to the point?
Defense Secretary: I'm just saying that I wouldn't necessarily endorse his particular…
President Trump: That's it! Look, I love you, but you never shut up. You really don't.
Defense Secretary: Mr. President, sir, you asked me if…
President Trump: I'm sorry, I hate to do this, but… You're fired.
Defense Secretary: Sir, I was only answering…
President Trump: Enough! Now get out of my office.
Defense Secretary: Mr. President, sir! You asked me…
President Trump: Get out of here! Out!
Defense Secretary: Mr. President! I only…
President Trump: Out! Goodbye!
The Defense Secretary exits.
President Trump: Wow. I love him, but what a chatterbox.
Chief of Staff Ivanka Trump: He really took that badly.
President Trump: Well, I had to do it. I had to.
Chief of Staff Ivanka Trump: You did.
President Trump: He left me no choice.
Chief of Staff Ivanka Trump: That's true.
President Trump: I am running a great, great country. Who's next?



Heather Havrilesky is the author of Disaster Preparedness, a memoir published by Riverhead Books in January 2011. She was Salon.com's TV critic for seven years and cocreated Suck.com's Filler before that. She has dispensed misguided advice at the rabbit blog since 2001.

Photo by Michele Sandberg via Wikimedia Commons.

11 Comments / Post A Comment

deepomega (#1,720)

Oh man! Now do the Aflac Duck as Treasury Secretary!!

KarenUhOh (#19)

"When are we going to reign in those assholes at MSNBC? They're demanding to see my Certificate of Authenticity from the Hair Club for Men!"

Lockheed Ventura (#5,536)

Brilliant.

Slava (#216)

Oh guys.. remember suck.com?!? All these years and that's still the high-point of internet writing.

Matt (#26)

Mogador'd

Br. Seamus (#217)

I'm voting straight down the Short-Fingered Vulgarian party line in 2012.

HelloTitty (#830)

Nubbin Party '12!

Aatom (#74)

First thing we need to do is gold-plate the entire White House. Get Ivanka on that, will you toots?

scroll_lock (#4,122)

That's Trump House. Get it right, toots.

GailPink (#9,712)

Trump and Gene Simmons need to get married, because they are perfect for each other.

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