Friday, March 18th, 2011

The End of Lou Reed: HP's "Everybody On" Ad

HP's new "Everybody On" campaign is just about the least cool thing I've ever seen. And I was an Eagle Scout! And I'm a birder! And I was on the debate team! And I went to debate camp!

Did you miss those lyrics? Here's a transcription!

Everybody Touch
Everybody Tap
Everybody Move
Everybody App

Everybody Digg
Everybody Host
Everybody Skype
Everybody Post

Everybody Dream
Everybody Sprint
Everybody Air
Everybody Print

Everybody Brag
Everybody Tweet
Everybody Shuffle
Everybody Beats

Everybody Global
Everybody Mobile
Everybody Cloud
Everybody Now

Everybody Nimble
Everybody Bond
Everybody Instant
Everybody… On

HP touts it as "a re-recorded a version of Lou Reed's iconic 'Walk On the Wild Side,' which he created specifically for HP." Wow. That's lame, Lou. Go meet Iggy on the lido deck.

Mat Honan is a contributing editor to WIRED, and co-founder of Longshot magazine.

28 Comments / Post A Comment

Ken Layne (#262)

Oh Mat, people have been trying to say Lou Reed is an uncool sellout for a quarter of a century. Anybody old enough to remember this?

Cintra Wilson explained this all about a decade ago:

Coming from a jazz upbringing, I always thought his music was retardedly simplistic, and when I was in college, around the time his hit "I Love You Suzanne" came out, he was wearing a motorcycle jacket on an American Express poster, which pretty much fossilized my opinion of him in the negative. "OK, I'll tell you why Lou Reed," said the big Swede, in between alternate sucks of Guinness and American Spirit. "Imagine Mike D. of the Beastie Boys walking down the street. He's got beautiful new $300 sunglasses on. The exact right flat vintage Pumas. The big pants. He has beautiful vintage sound equipment he picked up in England. OK, so here comes Lou Reed down the street. He's wearing lizard-skin boots, tight, acid-washed black jeans, a leather jacket with elastic around the waist, a mullet hairstyle all short in the front and long in the back and carrying a brand new, state-of-the-art Japanese electric guitar. Now Mike D. might say, 'Hey, Lou, why are you so wack?' and Lou would be able so say, 'I don't need to do anything. I'm Lou Reed.' And it would be absolutely true."

Mat Honan (#777)

Everybody Cloud, Ken. Everybody cloud.

jfruh (#713)

"Coming from a jazz upbringing, I always thought his music was retardedly simplistic…"

Man, I don't trust anyone who says things like this! "It needs, like, more notes." Pah!

Ken Layne (#262)

CINTRA WILSON wrote that, not me. I cannot make blockquote work in the awl's dumb comment box.

Also Josh, remember how you were going to write a little sumthin' sumthin' for your pals at Wonkette? THEY'RE WAITING. (And by "them" I mean "them.")

jfruh (#713)

I KNOW BOTH THOSE THINGS KEN! (a) Yes, this was may way of saying DON'T BELIEVE THE CINTRA WILSON HYPE and (b) I keep meaning to write things for Your Wonkette but then keep running out of time (because I post too many comments on the Awl during working hours, the end).

Maybe Jack will come home with mutant superpowers and be able to post a million posts a day. (Too soon?)

hockeymom (#143)

All I know is that I love it when my imaginary boyfriends all gather in the same internet location. It makes it so much easier to arrange you all in the rooms of my virtual internet playhouse.

Ken Layne (#262)

And then when the cloying arguing about the Velvet Underground becomes too much, you can put the whole playhouse in the recycling bin.

hockeymom (#143)

Usually, I just have all of you staged around the pool arguing about how to cook various fucking things or Nick Denton.

jfruh (#713)

Nick Denton should be eaten raw.

Dave Bry (#422)

Hey, don't settle for walkin'.

freetzy (#7,018)

Did the colored girls get paid for both of these commercials?

Ken Layne (#262)

Dave Bry is old enough to remember. (MY YOUTUBE LINK IS GRAINIER.)

LondonLee (#922)

Everybody really fucking annoying

jfruh (#713)

Is that actually Lou Reed singing? It doesn't quite sound like him. I can't decide if that allows him a shred of dignity or not.

GailPink (#9,712)

It doesn't sound like him to me, either.

Maevemealone (#968)

I've had a couple conversations with Lou and that's not his voice.

s. (#775)

I think it's actually “everybody frag” instead of “everybody brag” and somehow that makes it so much worse.

GailPink (#9,712)

Definitely "Frag."

jblo (#10,442)

Does "everybody bonk" near the end, or was that just me? Extremely embarrassing for all concerned.

Still, I find it odd that we still find it odd when a person who makes silly amounts of money selling stuff like crap music, crap t-shirts, overpriced concert tickets to crap concerts, decides that they're also happy making silly amounts of money selling stuff like crap computers. At this point we could just agree it's all really yucky, and save ourselves having to think about it/discuss/write too-long comments, etc.

Debussy Fields (#9,962)

Reminds me of when William S. Burroughs did Nike commercials- just one big corporate taunt that nothing is uncooptable. That said, if buying one of these things gets me to provide the soundtrack for all those gorgeous non-gay people's nightlife, where do they retail?!

GailPink (#9,712)

Maybe he really needed the money to pay for Hip Replacement surgery, or something.

Concert for Dogs…

…with his wife Laurie.

carpetblogger (#306)

It's not selling out, it's buying in.

noisejoke (#8,796)

You people are dumb. First of all, it's just talking, not new lyrics, over licks pulled from the original. Second of all, it's not even Lou doing the talking. Third of all, who gives a crap? Fourth of all, you people are dumb.

Tulletilsynet (#333)

What is a Treo?

mandamels (#10,580)

And all the color printers say…

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