Friday, March 18th, 2011
12

Ignore The Moon This Weekend, It Is Just Desperate For Attention

Okay, listen up, moon, I don't like you and you don't like me. So when I hear that you're going to be at your fullest and closest this weekend I know what it's all about: revenge. You're obviously still pissed off about that thing where we tried to blow you up. You're going to sit there, looking close enough to touch, but actually "some 211,600 miles (356,577 km) away." You want me to think I can finally take a swing at you and look ridiculous as I flail about because you're actually hiding safely away in space like the gigantic pussy you are. Forget it, I'm not falling for it. As much as you deserve it—and man, how I would like to punch your stupid reflective lights out—I am not taking part in any of your sick, pathetic mind games. NOBODY CARES HOW CLOSE YOU LOOK. Perigee this, you useless chunk of discarded Earth garbage.

Photo by Luc Viatour.

12 Comments / Post A Comment

Dickdogfood (#650)

This can only be the language of a jilted ex.

Matt Langer (#2,467)

DISCIPLE: Not long ago a lizard caused Balk the loss of a sublime thought.
STREPSIADES: In what way, please?
DISCIPLE: One night, when he was studying the course of the moon and its revolutions and was gazing open-mouthed at the heavens, a lizard crapped upon him from the top of the roof.
STREPSIADES: A lizard crapping on Balk! That's rich!

–Awlistophanes, Clouds

sugarbiscuit (#10,351)

"The moon just sits there grinning, like a corpse at a Dean Martin Roast."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1LxLmkh9iwA

The moon says she read on The Awl that dudes want your reflective lights to be full and bright. Like a WHORE'S. Otherwise they will totally focus their attention on some other man-on-her-face trollop, and she'll be spending Saturday night alone, watching TV, with her bland face marked only by tears.

deepomega (#1,720)

I refuse to look at a woman who isn't down for some man+face action. It's official.

Natzzzzzz (#7,318)

Say what you will, but this guy could sell the shit out of some Big Macs back in the day.

scroll_lock (#4,122)

I could be way off on this but I'm beginning to think you dislike the moon.

Influencing the tides is overrated.

Smitros (#5,315)

What if bears like the moon? What then?

alorsenfants (#139)

What?
Well — Goodnight, Moon

rrot (#7,827)

"Look Honey, the moon is full"
"Yeah. Full of shit."

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