Tuesday, October 6th, 2009

Let's Blow Up The Moon!

Smack my moon upYou know what I hate? The fucking moon. Big white piece of shit with a rabbit on it. Makes people go crazy every time it's full. You can put a man on it, but you can't find a cure for the common swine flu. Who needs it? Fuck you, moon! That's why I'm so thrilled to learn that NASA, in its infinite wisdom, is gonna smack the shit out of that sucker with a high-speed impact probe on Friday. Oh, sure, they say it's all about trying to learn more regarding the ice buried deep beneath its surface, but you and I both know NASA hates the moon too. They are probably sick of being reminded that going to the moon was their last operation not involving exploding astronauts that people really paid attention to. You've had it coming for a long time, moon. Take it all, bitch!

32 Comments / Post A Comment

HistoryGoRound (#1,793)

I'm gonna have a party and bake a cake in the shape of the moon blowing up.

mathnet (#27)

Hey NASA! Please also knock the shit out of the quiet old lady who was whispering "hush."

delrayser (#319)

Yes! And maybe spill that fucking bowl full of mush while you're at it. Who wants that nasty shit?

johnpseudonym (#1,452)

Googling "lunar abuse" finds a story on this. Not sure how to react to that but I think NASA's plan will really show Mars who's boss.

mathnet (#27)

OMG you know what?? DO NOT

mathnet (#27)

blow up the moon because can you imagine how that would fuck up your girlcycle?

garge (#736)

I am, like, way over the tides.

WindowSeat (#180)

What about the Rudy Gernreich-clad folks on Moonbase Alpha?

jfruh (#713)

Get a giant space-bear to do your dirty work!


No moon may result in naked bongo playing during the day.

HiredGoons (#603)

"Party at the… tower!"

People people people: You forget we lack any technology to actually reach the moon. This will all be done with CGI, and the 3-D Imax version will be released next week.

KarenUhOh (#19)

Apollo 1, young whelp. We blew up astronauts trying to reach the moon, too.

Thank God we didn't blow up more, or Ron Howard would be making Eat My Dust VI.

Hopefully they're targeting the Sea of Tranquility.

brent_cox (#40)

The moon in useful in many ways — namely cheese and werewolfing. So let's try to only blow it up a little.

Abe Sauer (#148)

If it's a deep impact summer sausage, that will make the moon even more delicious.

hazmathilda (#839)

Great, now I'm drooling

HiredGoons (#603)

"deep impact summer sausage" – tee hee!

cherrispryte (#444)


Flashman (#418)

Personally I'd rather not live in a world without tides.

NinetyNine (#98)

Did Safire write a draft for something like this?

joshc (#442)

but what about the rabbit?

Nothing we can do will protect us from Jupiter. The caves won't save us.

I watched some Discovery or History channel special on what happens if the moon asplodes or moves out of our orbit. Let me just say, we are all so totally fucked if that probe is a clueless virgin that screws everything up.

fek (#93)

Fuckin' moons.

bumcakes (#1,331)

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

ryder (#1,845)

man i dont know wtf yall talking about if nasa blows up the moon we could have the possiblity of dying because the moon controls the earths tides and all that and if you dont beleive me go ahead blow it up but when you hear about stunami's hitting thailand, california, florida and all those places near the water you wish you hadn't blown up the moon so go ahead your just signing a volintary death wish for the government to take your lives away so fuck you all keep the moon and hope that you dont fucking die when you blow it up

rj77 (#210)

I, for one, love hoagies with fresh stunami.

awlpoops (#187,223)

30 pages left in Ivyland. Really hope the book ends with Cal blowing up the moon.

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