41 Movie Remakes That Would Destroy What Remains Of My Youth, In Order Of Heartbreak
41. North Shore (1987)
40. Children of the Corn (1984)
39. Broadcast News (1987)
38. Once Bitten (1985)
37. The Dark Crystal (1982)
36. The Gods Must Be Crazy (1981)
35. Night Shift (1982)
34. One Crazy Summer (1986)
33. Youngblood (1986)
32. Near Dark (1987)*
31. Some Kind of Wonderful (1987)
30. Spies Like Us (1985)
29. Pretty in Pink (1986)
28. 1941 (1979)
27. Platoon (1986)
26. A Bridge Too Far (1977)
25. Midway (1976)
24. Midnight Run (1988)
23. Better Off Dead… (1985)
22. Sixteen Candles (1984)
21. Full Metal Jacket (1987)
20. Zulu (1964)
19. Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)
18. The Meaning of Life (1983)
17. ¡Three Amigos! (1986)
16. The Great Escape (1963)
15. Raising Arizona (1987)
14. Meatballs (1979)
13. Weird Science (1985)
12. Blazing Saddles (1974)
11. Stir Crazy (1980)
10. Stand by Me (1986)
9. Stripes (1981)
8. This Is Spinal Tap (1984)
7. Silver Streak (1976)
6. Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
5. Real Genius (1985)*
4. The Jerk (1979)
3. The Breakfast Club (1985)
2. Gremlins (1984)
1. The Goonies (1985)
* Both rumored, horribly, to be in development.
John Ore can’t believe they're remaking Logan’s Run, and certainly hopes he isn't giving Hollywood any ideas with this list.
You're not suggesting, I hope, that it would be a good idea to remake Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
Not at all! I just feel like that's some pretty well-covered territory (cf. Pie, American).
Hate to tell you this, but Syfy remade Children of the Corn a couple years ago. Didn't bother watching it, I'll stick with the original.
I don't think Gremlins would be too bad as long as they stick with using puppets instead of CG.
INCORRECT: Phoebe Cates' monologue about her dad dressing up like Santa is 100% untouchable.
Can't Buy Me Love
My cousins and I made "Goonies 2" in one afternoon on summer vacation when I was maybe 7. Don't know if that counts. If so, I apologize.
Clue
This is a red herring.
THEY'RE REMAKING CLUE!!! FLAMES ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE!!!
ALSO: I invented an amazing CLUE drinking game.
Um, Hired, you seem to have mistakenly hit "Reply" before explaining this Clue drinking game. I have children and I NEED TO KNOW THE CLUE DRINKING GAME!
Re: CLUE drinking game… Guest column?
But don't drink the cognac. Just in case.
Adventures in Babysitting
GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!!
Johnny Dangerously
So much yes!
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun
Just One of the Guys
(It was called She's the Man. And it was terrible.)
Hey! That movie was glorious!
Oh hey! I was trying to remember the name of that movie a couple weeks ago. Wasn't She's the Man much more directly based on Twelfth Night? I didn't think it was so much a mangling of Just One of the Guys as it was a mangling of Shakespeare.
Tootsie
Trading Places
Anything starring Bill Murray, Tom Hanks, Michael Keaton, Kevin Bacon, Matthew Broderick, Eddie Murphy, John Cusack, muppets
You're way too late on Murray, at least: Ghostbusters III, Caddyshack II.
or Steve Martin, Gene Wilder, Charles Grodin, Chris Guest…
Here's two that I wouldn't mind seeing remade: Tapeheads and Buckaroo Banzai. (Yes, I'm still waiting for BB vs. the World Crime League.)
God, Once Bitten!!!
I truly have never loved you more, C-Ro!
I think did do a remake of "The Three Amigos" already, last year. But they called it "Black Swan."
I have no idea what this means, but I honestly LOL'd.
And that's when Freetzy learned the meaning of "plethora."
Please add GRUMPY OLD MEN to the list
Oh, you kids and your talkies.
Stephen King's Children of the Corn (2009)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1290135/
The Power of the Dark Crystal (which I think might be a sequel and not a remake … or just using the name)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0460907/
I've also seen rumors of a Goonies remake
Last Year At Marienbad.
I was a pretentious kid.
Yesterday at Marienbad.
@LondonLee: Another Country, Dance with a Stranger and My Beautiful Lauderette. Ditto on the pretention, with an extra helping of Anglophilia.
I Still Know What You Did Last Year at Marienbad
Marien Superbad
Stand By Me.
Check out #10.
DON'T LISTEN TO STALIN KID. HE'S A PUNK.
TWO DOLLARS!!!
"Tentacles. N-T. Big difference." My WHOLE FAMILY can quote BETTER OFF DEAD in its entirety.
Beg pardon?
I know this is heretical, but having not seen Goonies until I was an adult, I hate to report that it just isn't very good. A remake would probably make it worse, though, so maybe that's the point of this list?
Especially since Princess Bride isn't included.
I didn't discover Princess Bride until I was in my 20s, so it didn't make the list. But yes, any aspersions cast towards The Goonies is heretical!
If they ever remake The Goonies they should have it all done in that creepy Zemeckis-ian CGI.
THEN it would be heretical!
Top Secret
I know a little German.
*"In development" means nothing. Eddie Murphy would call "in development" "monkey points".
This is — aha — almost all 80's stuff — we know how old you are! But: If that's the case:
Dune
Point Break
The Lost Boys
Aliens
Witness
Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai
Year of Living Dangerously
The Right Stuff
and this is most incomplete –
Three O'Clock High
Cloak And Dagger
Loverboy
License To Drive
Young Sherlock Holmes
Young Einstein
Mac & Me
TROOP BEVERLY HILLS
This entire thread is the "Losing My Edge" of 80's film geekdom.
We need a Scroobius Pip reply post.
Also, Dan Le Sac.
Willow
Somehow I suspect if they did a remake of Willow a lot less of the cast would be made up of little people. Though we'd probably get a Warwick Davis cameo. Also, my money is on Ryan Reynolds as Madmartigan.
I would have Russell Brand as Madmartigan and Val Kilmer as General Kale.
Real Genius remake??!! How? Why?? How??????
Laszlo Holyfeld will be played by Zach Galifanakis.
I have Opinions about movies:
My self is constructed from fragments of these movies; my world will collapse if they rewrite even a single frame. (I am unclear what this collapse will entail and I do not wish to find out.)
I love the idea of a Gods Must Be Crazy remake — directed by Kevin Smith, with Shannon Doherty, maybe? "EXTERIOR: Beverly Hills High School"
Or is this exactly what Dogma was?
Actually, no. Get Tarantino to remake Platoon and Cocoon at the same time — call it PlatCo. CoPlat. Something. Or work Uma and High Noon in there, call it Unoon.
The Jerk is the best movie ever. I have dreams about becoming a Mr Brainfreeze type and making an entire gallery full of art other people make, but all of it will be a "HE HATES THESE CANS!" scenes homage. Chuck Close style portraits of the sniper. Gaugin's of exploding cans. A Breughel of the snipers finger scanning the phonebook. A John Cage-inspired opera with only the words "Johnson, Navin R., sounds like a typical bastard" sung over and over.
The movies on this list that I care anything about — like Raising Arizona, Spinal Tap, Blazing Saddles — are all movies I would love to see remade just to see what some asshole comes up with.
Vince Vaughn in a shot by shot remake of Meatballs, only it's crossed with Groundhog Day, so he has to remake Meatballs every day until the Singularity
Just to be clear, we're all cool with Fletch Still Lives with Joel McHale as Fletch and a Chevy cameo?
Sounds redundant with Community, but I'd watch it.
Not to be remade: 48Hrs. Permission to be remade: Garbage Pail Kids.
The Dudley Moore version of Arthur was on cable all the time when I was a kid, and for some reason I loved it. The trailer for the new version was even more upsetting than the one for The Smurfs.
I could REALLY go for some Youngblood (1986) right about now.