Eggs, Pretty Much Everything Else, Bad For You

You know what I’m hungry for today? Some Science pegged to the return of the McRib. Serve it up, Science!

Three physicians want you to know egg yolks are bad for your health. They’re spreading their message by comparing the amount of cholesterol in a single egg yolk to popular fast food creations. One egg yolk contains 215-275 mg of cholesterol, depending on size, more than the Double Down’s 150 mg and the Thickburger’s 210 mg. The resurgent McRib has 70 mg of cholesterol.

The trio is also warning about the amount of propaganda and pro-egg disinformation Big Unfertilized Chicken Embryo is putting out there. But as it turns out, some of the very researchers behind this dire dairy news “disclosed speaker’s fees and support from pharmaceutical companies that manufacture lipid-lowering drugs.” Who should you believe? Me. Let me tell you what the deal is.

Everything that doesn’t taste like crap is full of stuff that is in some way or another bad for you. You are going to die no matter what. Eat whatever you want. The oft-repeated Keynesian maxim that “in the long run we are all dead” is well and good, but it ignores that fact that for a long time we are all alive. For, like, AGES. Think about how long today has been, and it’s not even five yet! Yes, life is a beautiful valuable thing and there are so many joys along the way and etc., but let’s admit that 90% of it is suffering, misery, pain, standing in line behind some idiot who can’t figure out that he doesn’t have enough money in his balance to withdraw the amount of cash he keeps asking for from the ATM, heartbreak, defeat and “Seinfeld” reruns. A couple of eggs, or a McRib, or excellent Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey sipped outdoors on a crisp day while you smoke a cigarette: if these things are going to shave a few years off the time you would otherwise spend drumming your fingers on the counter as you wait for the laggard at the Duane Reade to ring up your single-item purchase, so be it. You’re actually getting the better end of the deal.