Wednesday, November 3rd, 2010
48

Eggs, Pretty Much Everything Else, Bad For You

You know what I'm hungry for today? Some Science pegged to the return of the McRib. Serve it up, Science!

Three physicians want you to know egg yolks are bad for your health. They're spreading their message by comparing the amount of cholesterol in a single egg yolk to popular fast food creations. One egg yolk contains 215-275 mg of cholesterol, depending on size, more than the Double Down's 150 mg and the Thickburger's 210 mg. The resurgent McRib has 70 mg of cholesterol.

The trio is also warning about the amount of propaganda and pro-egg disinformation Big Unfertilized Chicken Embryo is putting out there. But as it turns out, some of the very researchers behind this dire dairy news "disclosed speaker's fees and support from pharmaceutical companies that manufacture lipid-lowering drugs." Who should you believe? Me. Let me tell you what the deal is.

Everything that doesn't taste like crap is full of stuff that is in some way or another bad for you. You are going to die no matter what. Eat whatever you want. The oft-repeated Keynesian maxim that "in the long run we are all dead" is well and good, but it ignores that fact that for a long time we are all alive. For, like, AGES. Think about how long today has been, and it's not even five yet! Yes, life is a beautiful valuable thing and there are so many joys along the way and etc., but let's admit that 90% of it is suffering, misery, pain, standing in line behind some idiot who can't figure out that he doesn't have enough money in his balance to withdraw the amount of cash he keeps asking for from the ATM, heartbreak, defeat and "Seinfeld" reruns. A couple of eggs, or a McRib, or excellent Kentucky straight bourbon whiskey sipped outdoors on a crisp day while you smoke a cigarette: if these things are going to shave a few years off the time you would otherwise spend drumming your fingers on the counter as you wait for the laggard at the Duane Reade to ring up your single-item purchase, so be it. You're actually getting the better end of the deal.

48 Comments / Post A Comment

Matt (#26)

I am just hungry for the Rib Sandwich, thank you.

Matt (#26)

Totally my new stand-in for "TL;DR," BTW.

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

*McRib me.

BadUncle (#153)

How do you feel about McLobster?

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

Now you're getting a little close to Captain D's territory. You do not want to go to Captain D's territory.

BadUncle (#153)

I ask because:

1) I currently live in the northeast
2) My best friend says great things about McLobster
3) My best friend says McRib is full of vom.

Mindpowered (#948)

vom(it?)!

BadUncle (#153)

or "hork."

Mary Shyne (#5,289)

Got a McRib the other day (took a picture of the receipt for posterity) and was alarmed by how much it smelled like a trash receptacle/was instantly transported back to my childhood. How did I not remember??

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

@Bad Uncle: It exists?? Oh my. Ohhhhh my. Seafood and McDonald's mixing is totally making me McHork.

BadUncle (#153)

A.R.: The Takei is strong in you. McLobster, like Mr. Hankey, never appears when you expect it. You may be on the 95 in Connecticut and stop for gas, and at some rest stop in Fairfield you'll find a one-month McLobster promotion. And just like that, it's gone. My guess is you'll never see Kaiser Sozay's preferred fast food ever again.

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

"Immunity was just a deal with you assholes. I got a whole new problem when I post bail."

jaimealyse (#647)

DIETARY CHOLESTEROL HAS NOT BEEN CONVINCINGLY LINKED TO HEART DISEASE.

(This shouty thing brought to you by Good Calories/Bad Calories. Also eggs are tasty!)

elecampane (#1,877)

RIGHT! Seriously, read up on this. Also in Real Food by Nina Planck. Maybe my great-grandma would have lived to 204 instead of 102 if she hadn't eaten fried eggs and bacon EVERY SINGLE DAY of her life, but I kind of doubt it.

Fifi (#1,639)

Taubes FTW, also Stephan Guyenet's Whole Health Source.

Miles Klee (#3,657)

YOU'D BETTER RUN, EGG

pepper (#676)

The National Egg Board has its ways. Oh, it has its ways.

gumplr (#66)

Scrambled, deviled, and sunny-side up.

BadUncle (#153)

Good. Not that I was going to start drinking Egg-Beaters skim milk nogs with real Splenda, or ever put spreadable tofu on a bagel. I'm going to stick with the five food groups (sugar, fat, alcohol, caffeine and toast), until my legs drape over a Scooter Store personal mobility device like rippling curtains of man blubber.

Matt (#26)

Man I hope that bagel is made of meringue that was also made with Splenda for health's sake.

kneetoe (#1,881)

Yes, life is full of a million low-risk causes of death that add up to a 100% chance.

Also, high cholesterol is caused by bad genes. My evidence: my diet plus my normal cholesterol numbers.

cherrispryte (#444)

Think about how long today has been, and it's not even five yet!

OH SO MUCH THIS.

A.R. Chrisman (#2,964)

The most depressingly real sentence ever written.

tracybluth (#1,973)

I agree, well-put.

garge (#736)

I read that line and immediately started making rash decisions about important Life Issues.

HonoriaGlossop (#1,247)

I'm finding this "Dr. Balk" scenario extremely distracting.

MMM…SHINY DOCTOR COAT.

I would like to name something The Resurgent McRib. Damn trademark.

Also, why would people on the pharm payroll want you to lower your cholesterol via diet? Wouldn't they be shortly out of a paycheck?

Alex Balk (#4)

They… SORRY… NEED THE EGGS! God I crack myself up sometimes.

Your brother is a chicken, too?!?!

hman (#53)

Screw this – I thought I was getting useful info from BALK, not freaking rendit.tumbr.com.

Matt (#26)

Harsh, man. I liked your Virginia Heffernan comment both times.

hman (#53)

But srsly, I thought rendit.tumblr.com was too much of a weenie to have McRib.
JERK.

Matt (#26)

Dude I love the Rib Sandwich. #NOW GUESS WHO AIN'T GETTIN' ONE

Matt (#26)

I also love sandwiches in general, as you may have read on popular Summer of Megadeth Internet Web-Glog, which is short for "Group Blog."

hman (#53)

OK, now I'm scared.

Smitros (#5,315)

But all these sciency scientists missed that what eggs really is a good shot of hot sauce and/or salsa. Shows what they know.

Smitros (#5,315)

But all these sciency scientists missed that what eggs really need is a good shot of hot sauce and/or salsa. Shows what they know.

cherrispryte (#444)

I am confused – the word "bacon" isn't in that sentence at all?

"standing in line behind some idiot who can't figure out how that he doesn't have enough money in his balance to withdraw the amount of cash he keeps asking for from the ATM"

I used to share office space with someone who would call her bank every month to complain about them charging her late fees. She could not understand why they would try to process checks she wrote when they could see that she did not have the money in her account.

diane49 (#8,389)

About cholesterol. Thinking that eating food which contains cholesterol will add to the plaque in your arteries is like believing that eating brains will make you smarter.

barnhouse (#1,326)

I LOVE THIS POST.

cuiveen (#370)

My day was all tickertape (bird's nests of shredded paper but who's counting) and sunshine but the last 18 months have been much of the above. Eggs are awesome and, indeed, we're all dying anyway.

Eggs are dairy?

untitled HD (#4,555)

High cholesterol gives you really shiny hair!

(except that your hair smells like bacon)

(which you must compensate for, by having gin-breath)

sometimes, it's best to just stay home.

jmlv (#737)

Also, have you noticed that since Bill Clinton started his new "almost vegan" diet, he's lost that old gleam in the eye?

scrooge (#2,697)

Hey, eggs have already been proclaimed Good twice and Bad once(in the 70s)in my lifetime. Pay no attention to those health scientists.

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