Tuesday, May 4th, 2010
15

'Naturalized Citizen' Did Not Write Crazy Anti-Tax Screed, Is Clearly a Terrorist

TERROR NISSAN KILLS NOBODYUnlike some American citizens who recently flew planes into federal buildings, Faisal Shahzad, the would-be Times Square bomber suspect, who was apprehended at JFK on his way to Dubai, which is a frightening brown place, is definitely a terrorist who uses terror to accomplish something (spreading terror). Shahzad purchased the Nissan Pathfinder of terror that caused the dramatic evacuation of Times Square when it did not blow up. The alleged terrorist has two children and lived in Connecticut.

15 Comments / Post A Comment

jolie (#16)

He lived in Bridgeport. The rest of Connecticut will thank you for making the distinction.

Shelton.

keisertroll (#1,117)

Please tell me he went to that university there owned by the Unification Church, if only so the media can dub him the "Love Bomber".

Kevin (#2,559)

Connecticut – or that thing I have to drive through to get to NYC.

BoHan (#29)

Boy, he must have been in the slow kid class at Terrorist U.

Did you hear about the detached garage he built at his CT house? The neighbor said he bought a bunch of 2x4s, plywood, siding, and shingles, tossed it in a pile at the end of his driveway, and then drove his car into it.

C_Webb (#855)

I have students like that. Never buy the books, don't read the syllabus, fuck up the final, and then get picked up by the Feds on their way home for summer break.

Jeez, the guy stops for a bite to eat after running some errands (fireworks stand, propane store, gas station, and fertilizer store), accidently leaves a cigarette burning inside the car, and everybody gets into a big huff.

garge (#736)

Which is all perfectly understandable–I know I always get a bit frazzled before an international flight.

brent_cox (#40)

So he was about as good at sneaking out of the country as he was at making car bombs.

flossy (#1,402)

You win this time, Whitey!

cherrispryte (#444)

Damnit. My "please let this be a white guy" prayers were ignored. It's almost like God doesn't exist or something.

HiredGoons (#603)

Frankly, I find Nissan Pathfinders on their own to be quite terrifying; a bit overboard really.

deepomega (#1,720)

I feel like there should be an idiot clause, where we grant clemency based on how fucking stupid a would-be-criminal's plan was. Like the guys who were gonna blow up ALL OF NEW YORK using underground fuel lines, even though that is not how fuel lines work. They should've gotten a sympathetic mylar balloon and 3 months of extension courses at a community college, gratis.

Louis Fyne (#2,066)

Sure this isn't gorilla marketing for the new Brasseye movie?

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