We already knew that London's Olympic Stadium would be literally made of knives. Now the London 2012 chairman Sebastian Coe has hinted at the identity of the mascots for these coming Olympics: they will be "made of steel" and they will be "aimed at children." Oh dear. Let's take a look at the proposed designs for the stadium and the mascot!
It's a good start, I guess, but I wish they'd paid a little more tribute paid to glassing, which, as the black sheep of the knife crime family, never really gets its due. A few scattered shards is all I'm asking for.
This is much more promising. Sure, Little Englanders will be upset by its European characteristics, but they've hit all the major points, right down to the hoodie-style helmet. They should call him "Mr. Shanky," just because.
Overall, I'm very impressed. Blades up, Britain, the games will be here before you know it! Just keep dodging those daggers.
RELATED: Guardian readers have some suggestions of their own. Be sure not to miss the crack-smoking squirrel.
Frankly, Mr Shanky, this position I've held
it pays my way and it corrodes my soul
I want to leave you will not miss me
I want to go down in Olympic history
Well, shit. Didn't see the tags before. Basically spelled it out.
The fact that you even thought of this indicates that you are the perfect Awl reader.
Really? Billy the Crack Squirrell was more notable to you than Cleggy the Treacherous Bear?
Well, Britain does already have The Crack Fox, so, er.
"Eurotool" indeed. Munich's 1972 weiner dog mascot is less ridiculous.
Keep knifing that chicken!
I'm assuming that woman in the burka was let through only after a careful racial profiling and being screened within an inch of her life.
That's just Graham Chapman in drag trying to avoid his child support payments.
She's not in a burka, she's wearing a hijab. There is, in terms of mobility and severity, a huge difference.
(Please do not make me go any further Jezebel on you.)
Either way there was deep and promiscuous searching.
Oh how embarassing; thanks cherri.
First 20,000 fans get a free santoku.
Good morning, gentlemen. This is a twelwe-storey block combining classical neo-Georgian features with the efficiency of modern techniques. "The tenants arrive in the entrance hall here, and are carried along the corridor on a conveyor belt in extreme comfort and past murals depicting Mediterranean scenes, towards the rotating knives. The last twenty feet of the corridor are heavily soundproofed. The blood pours down these chutes and the mangled flesh slurps into these..."
hhmmf, mmyeess, but I believe we asked for a block-of-flats, and not an abbatoir.
So somewhere in the opening ceremonial pageantry we can expect a giant grid of several hundred teppanyaki-Benihana-style chefs chopping-and- flipping-up (in perfect, rhythmic unison) a delicious Traditional English Breakfast of BLOOD Pudding, SLICED Sausages, and Deep-fried toast. Cheersthanks!
Is the vomitory entrance where the yobs can purge to prepare for more drinking inside the stadium?
You mean Shanky the mascut?
:)
It's just so sad Michael Bloomberg never got to realize his dream of floating an Olympic pool on the Hudson River.
It's probably because he never included a guy in a knife suit in his design.
Or threaten the entire Olympic Committee with a good old-fashioned glassing.
I'm only going to watch the opening ceremony if the athletes get to march into the stadium with their knickers 'round their ankles.
A Stanley Knife would be a more appropriate costume than that poncy Swiss Army thing.
Your use of 'poncy' just made my day, sir.
Happy to oblige.
I'll try and use it more often in the future.
HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS THE REAL THING IS EVEN SCARIER:
http://deadspin.com/5542795/london-olympic-mascots-are-revealed-monstrous
THE OLD ONES HAVE AWAKENED
Ia! Ia! Cthulhu fhtagn!