Britain Made Entirely Out Of Knives
When London hosts the Olympics in 2012, athletes at the highest level of their sports will be competing in a stadium constructed out of recycled knives and guns. And this is not a new thing for Knifecrime Island: Recycled weaponry is frequently "melted down and used in the structures of bridges and buildings, as well as in car and train production" and also winds up in photo frames and jewelry. Even the very crown that rests upon the monarch's head was made from old Robbins of Dudley push daggers. Prince Charles is PART SWITCHBLADE. They like knives, is what I'm saying.
Heh, used in bridges and crowns. That's funny.
Is that meant to be some sort of Brit-dental-care joke? Because if it was, you are frickin' brilliant.
My Brit girlfriend was made of spoon.
And do you know what the windows will be made of!
Today, I started listening to the audiobook of Ozzy Ozbourne's autobiography 'I Am Ozzy' and, within the first few minutes, I heard this:
"I was a very nervous kid. Fear of impending doom ruled my life. When my dad was sleeping through the day, I'd start freaking out that he was dead and I'd have to poke him in the ribs to make sure he was still breathing. He wasn't too fucking pleased about that, I can tell you! My dad was strict but he never beat me or locked me up in the coalhouse or anything. The worst I'd get was a smack if I did anything bad, like when I tried to kneecap my grandfather with a hot poker while he was asleep."
I am eagerly awaiting the beginning of the knife crime.
I'm not calling you a liar, I'm just saying there's no way any human could possibly decipher a full paragraph spoken by Ozzie Osbourne.