Sex Offender Week: Feminism for Young Dudes

 
Luckily, there are some great, easy ways to start! Is there a girl you know who regularly has consensual, healthy sex with other unattached and willing participants — with no "drama," nobody hurting anybody or "dicking anyone around"? Do you sometimes think of this girl as a "whore" or a "slut," even while thinking that the men she's sleeping with are just "getting lucky" and "hey, good for them"? You should really stop this. You should stop thinking it, and you should especially stop saying it to other people.
 
In fact-and this is for the white boys in the audience, mostly, but I trust you'll all get the point-you should think about it in the same way you do "the n-word." Look at that! I can't even write it out, as I am theoretically talking about it! And this is a good thing. Mainly, what I am saying here, is that maybe one day, you will think of these words as the "w-word" and the "s-word" and you'll be uncomfortable ever using them at all. You've just got to work at it.
 
Now look, I am not saying that it will be easy. And if you go down this road, you may in fact end up being something of a different bro than you were when you started. (This is actually kind of the point.) Another example, I recently tossed off a post on my idiot tumblr in which I originally linked "Ain't No Fun" and talked about my proclivity for performing the thing while drunk as a high schooler. And this caused me to listen to and start singing the thing again — maybe the smoothest and most deft Nate Dogg has ever sung! — and I actually got uncomfortable having it up on my personal internet web page. (I changed it to "Lodi Dodi," which is only marginally better, but sort of better).
 
This must sound crazy to you, bro! You are thinking, No way! I am never gonna stop rocking forever! But I'm not saying that you have to forget all those lyrics, never play the song, never laugh at its over-the-top ridiculous. However. You may think twice and stop yourself before posting the thing on the public Internet, just out of decorum. And the thing is, if you put some work into it, you'll find that you don't want to. Which is actually kind of freeing, in its way.
 
Okay, so now you and 18-year-old me are seeing eye-to-eye completely. Oh Christ, you're thinking, this kid cannot be for real. He is obviously just doing this to pick up some chicks! And I would say to you, well. First I would say, No, I'm actually pretty well satisfied in that department of late, thank you. But mainly I would say, Really man, I would genuinely like to live in a world where the lady I am dating and my friends and my sister (oh that's right, I know you don't want to think about it, and it may in fact fill you with rage and make you want to "kick the ass of" the poor dude she is seeing who is probably a total sweetheart just trying to do right by her, but your sister is having sex. Sorry, dude!) can have and talk about having healthy, adult, consensual sex and feel good about it. And not fear they're gonna be called a "slut" or a "whore" for feeling and acting upon the feelings that the vast majority of the populace, no matter the orientation, just has.
 
What I would like is for you to stop thinking about women with an 18th-century disposition while you chill on your iPad in the future.
 
Okay, since the things I write here are usually about music, I would like to leave you with some music. One of the things that's great about trying to become a dude who digs chicks but also has at least an appreciation for and tries to stand in solidarity with the feminist struggle is it opens you to some great music. Don't worry! I'm not gonna make you listen to Bikini Kill. (Although, you probably just should.) But one artist that has always been a great help to me in dealing with these issues, in just trying to see things from the other perspective, is Liz Phair. You should listen to her unimpeachable first three albums ("studio LPs," shut up nerd) if you would like an intelligent, witty, honest but not always brutal, mainly just painfully, beautifully human elucidation of some of the issues you will be dealing with.
 
You should also try and maybe crib a couple bromodels. Remember how the Beastie Boys started out talking about whiffleball bats and such? Funny, right? You have shotgunned a beer or two to these tracks, you certainly have! And you may have thought when they reversed this, started denouncing the misogyny and homophobia and idiot cartoonish racist violence-play of License to Ill and Paul's Boutique, you may have thought, Man. What a bunch of sell-outs, man! But I would ask you to listen to "Sure Shot" and really listen to Adam Yauch's verse about the mothers and the sisters and the wives and friends. Because it might sound maudlin or stupid now, there may be a time where you'd like to offer your love and respect to the end too. It will be long overdue!
 
Also, this one dude who was like the lord god bro amongst bros at one point, waaaaay before any of our times, put it pretty succinctly too. After he married a strong, brilliant woman but a bit before he got pilloried for it until some other dude totally shot him.
 


Matt Ealer thinks you look just fine in that jean jacket.