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British Woman Strikes Blow For Equality
Meet Laura Hall, feminist pioneer. Ms. Hall, from Britain's Birmingham area, has become the very first person on Knifecrime Island to receive a total ban on alcohol consumption throughout that blighted country. While Hall stands on the shoulders of such locally-barred Brits like Ryan Kane, the fact that she upped her game to a level where she could take it nationwide is really a testament to the fact that in today's world women can do anything men can do, oftentimes better. Laura Hall, we salute you! Also, you look like a fun person to hang out with. Give us a call in a couple years when you're able to go back on the sauce.
They're allowed to do that now? Motherfuckers.
Laura, I will wait for you!
Signed, Booze.
"They cannot be issued to anyone with mental health problems or alcoholics." Wait, what?!? She should totally go with the alcoholic with mental health problems defense.
POLICE STATE!!!
She should just move to the US, where the right to get shitfaced is enshrined in the constitution.
But she's only 20, so no one would serve her.
Look at that photo of her and try to tell me she wouldn't know how to get into a club. She'd be fine.
BUT SHE WOULD BE FLOUTING THE LAW.
I believe the correct spelling is Pioneer. I also think she needs your digits, which in the spirit of pissterhood I will be kind enough to pass on.
Now, how is she going to be drunk enough to do the hoedown for "Who's Line Is It Anyway"?
Now I want to know what the alcohol related offenses were, considering past examples of pantiless puking we've seen…
Seconded. I mean what was it? Obviously not your garden variety knickerless, shitfaced, glassing.
Thirded. No details on her actual crimes?
** BREAKING NEWS **
Laura Hall's holiday has been postponed due to huge ash cloud thingy in the sky.
The Pope on Saturday offered her a lift to her intended destination, Ibiza, but she was unable to get to Rome to catch his plane before he set off on his international not-quite-apology tour.
Ms Hall was last seen on the departures platform at King's Cross St Pancras, which is home to the world's longest champagne bar.
She has not been seen since the 13:47 to Charles De Gaulle departed this afternoon.