Friday, March 5th, 2010

The Coyote's Guide To New York Living

So it looks like the coyotes are here to stay. This video was filmed three weeks ago at "The Pond" in the southeast corner of Central Park. When the car lights pass it's like that scene from Collateral, right? After this week's exciting chase through Chelsea, Paul D. Curtis, Cornell University associate professor of Natural Resources talked to Discovery's Jennifer Viegas about it. "Coyotes have been in Central Park in the past, and will continue to appear in such urban parks and green spaces throughout most of New York State," Curtis said. "People will need to find ways to coexist with urban wildlife to minimize potential conflicts and concerns."

Okay, so, coyotes, a couple of ground rules and some advice:

1) No howling after ten. (That's not the moon you're looking, anyway. It's the jumbotron in Times Square.)

2) If you think a vole is tough, the rats here will kick your sniveling, wanna-be-wolf ass all the way back to Yellowstone. Seriously. Ask Nas. You don't want it.

3) Don't try to nose out into the crosswalk when you're trying to turn. That's pedestrian territory. HUMAN pedestrian territory.

4) The honey-roasted peanuts at the street carts never taste as good as they smell. You'll probably still buy them anyway, I always do. But, just so you know.

5) I don't recommend going to Coyote Ugly. It isn't nearly as much like Cocktail as the movie made it seem. But, hey, if a bunch of bridge-and-tunnel dudes in bad suits doing upside-down margarita shots is your thing, knock yourself out. Just don't surprised if you end up wanting to chew your own foot off in the morning.

6) No regrets, we just come from such different sets of circumstances.

10 Comments / Post A Comment

SemperBufo (#1,849)

You're wrong about #2 though. They're pretty adaptable–more adaptable than we are–and they will eat those rats like bonbons. Of course then, after a couple of hours, they'll swell up and die.

dado (#102)

Also do not eat TNT hot dogs and watch out for falling anvils.

And always take the Triboro instead of the Midtown Tunnel.

Suzi (#3,593)

These coyotes actually are not all coyote – they really are part wolf – everyone should read this article, it's short! And fascinating!

bong hitler (#3,233)

I take it at the end of the video, the coyote finally gets that bottle open, discovers it's full of homeless guy pee, and trots off in disgust.

theheckle (#621)

As one who visits New York only on rare occasions, I think a guide to the subway might be helpful. Yes, it's true that every other civilized urban transit system uses colors to distinguish subway lines. Well, the City has too many lines to distinguish them using colors so the MTA uses numbers, letters, wingdings, and dead hobos.

Never refer to a line by it's color. You will be shot.

theheckle (#621)

Damn. Somewhat questionably humorous comment ruined by poor spelling.

6) Just accept the fact that there's no decent Mexican food here.

Get into the boroughs friend. For lunch today I had a really excellent tamale from the Mexican taqueria on my corner. This weekend I'm thinking I might want a taco de lengua from the truck by my local Key Food.

"Mexican taqueria" is redundant, but you get the idea.

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