Friday, January 15th, 2010
176

Movies I Have Walked Out Of, by Julie Klausner

A TRULY WONDERFUL FILMYoung Sherlock Holmes
Why: Walked into the wrong movie theater; had intended to see Spies like Us.

Lorenzo's Oil
Why: It's about a child dying!

Tomb Raider
Why: Not as kitschy as Barb Wire.

The English Patient
Why: Not as kitschy as Barb Wire.

Iron Man
Why: Caves, Gwyneth Paltrow, Burger King's product placement in that press conference scene.

Made of Honor
Why: I only saw this because it was playing adjacent to the theater showing Iron Man. After a scene in which Patrick Dempsey bemoans his date's rejection of the cute things he used to do with his last girlfriend, like waiting on long lines for pastries, I decided instead to sit quietly in the lobby of the AMC Lincoln Plaza and wait for my friend to get out of his superhero movie. I didn't even have a book to read. I just sat there!


Julie Klausner!

175 Comments / Post A Comment

HiredGoons (#603)

Gwyneth Paltrow is a good excuse to walk out of ANY movie.

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

But I liked Iron Man!

C_Webb (#855)

I liked the robot with the fire extinguisher enough to make the whole thing worth it.

Yes, but what is wrong with "caves"?

Mysterious!

Bittersweet (#765)

Maybe Julie is claustrophobic.

The rate increased exponentially at the end there.

GiovanniGF (#224)

I used to work at an artsy movie theater in the late 80s, and when we screened "The Cook, the Thief, His Wife & Her Lover," despite written warnings at the box office (and reviews in all the local papers), people would walk out during the movie in disgust and anger. I found it amusing that they would complain to me on their way out since I was just the guy selling popcorn.

gregorg (#30)

I still laugh remembering the walkouts on opening night at the Anjelika for "Gerry."

joshc (#442)

I'll bet they regret missing out on the crazy finale of Gerry!

Really, the Blair Witch Project didn't leave me even slightly afraid of the woods, but after seeing Gerry, I still have a residual fear of wide open scrubby deserts.

The funniest walk-out I've seen was this summer, during "Bruno" (my apologies). The walk-outer was the mayor of Kansas City, Mr. Mark Funkhouser. He and his wife had accompanied their young-adultish daughter.
During the orgy scene, Mrs. Funkhouse (née Gloria Squitiro) turned the daughter and yelled out "WHAT DID YOU DRAG ME TO??" and bolted out of the theater; Mayor Funk, a pretty conspicuous dude, put his head down and walked out after her.
Funniest part of the movie.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

I wish he'd walk out of the fucking Mayor's office and not come back!

Natan (#1,967)

I saw a whole row–a very full row–of people stand in unison and file out during the ass-licking three-way in Short Bus. Ha.

I saw Antichrist recently. No one left when the woman scissored off her clit. I felt proud. Brave room.

Olivia2.0 (#1,716)

I watched Antichrist in my own living room (ah, on-demand!) and I walked out.

gregorg (#30)

Uh SPOILER ALERT!?

Natan (#1,967)

I think it merits a UNICEF warning as much a spoiler alert, but point taken.

Kakapo (#2,312)

When I went to see "The Cook…" the ticket seller scowled at me and said "You're not going to like it." Perhaps that was why the theater was almost completely empty.

that's my "i can never watch this fucking movie again" movie!

DoctorDisaster (#1,970)

I am not naming the few movies I've walked out of, because they are all the sort of pandering Oscar-bait that gets labeled "INSTANT CLASSIC," and I value every second I'm not being told how great they are.

portmanteautally (#1,015)

But…doesn't Young Sherlock Holmes have that awesome scene where the fat kid hallucinates that he is being attacked by animated creampuffs with eyes?

Mmmmm…creampuffs.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-SZrHgS1Dss

Ted Maul (#205)

I'd never seen that before. Thank you a million times over.

JulieKlausner (#1,143)

For obvious reasons, I hadn't either. It's awesome and I regret so much now about other things in general. Ditto the thanks!

JulieKlausner (#1,143)

Also, fuck caves.

Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

HAHAHA. I can recite this movie by heart. I dunno, it was a BIG DEAL to me at 6 and I distinctly remember being blown away by the stained glass window knight scene. I mean, it was the FIRST time anyone had ever done a totally CGI character. OF COURSE I heart this film.

southwer (#2,878)

me too!

oudemia (#177)

Also me too! I own it. And the creampuff scene is my favorite. (And I had a giant crush on Nicholas Rowe in, like, 1986 or whatever.)

redfox (#3,057)

Me too! Including the Nicholas Rowe crush, in a big way. I had no idea until I looked at IMDB just now that Barry Levinson directed it, but apparently so. Huh!

Natan (#1,967)

I remember Lorenzo's Oil as being surprisingly good, and its ending as being a rare *successful* attempt to spin death as having some non-godawful aspects.

I really enjoy walking out of a movie. I don't do it nearly enough. The fastest I've ever walked out of a movie–and this was during a college course–was before even the opening credits of Heaven on Earth had ended. People are attending a speech of some kind, and to signal that his protagonist agrees with the speech, Oliver Stone has her turn around and squeek to someone: "He's right!" I felt like I'd been urinated on, stood and left the building.

I am stunned that the author is averse to caves. Caves are wonderful.

JulieKlausner (#1,143)

Did you ever see the episode of BBC's "Earth" series about caves?! They're not all stalagtites and mites; they are crawling with roaches and gooey bat leavings, and those bird's nests they make out of saliva? NO THANKS, CAVES BESIDES NICK CAVE SOMETIMES.

Natan (#1,967)

I was in this cave when I was little.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mammoth_cave

It was amazing but yes, sometimes frightening. There are chambers that I remember as seeming as huge as the huge caves in the Lord of the Rings movies. Agoraphobia, not claustrophobia, is the danger.

But again, it's amazing. And it's all very roped-off, you can't get near the possibly slimy walls of the place.

I much prefer the "Jay's Oil" episode of The Critic.

HiredGoons (#603)

I prefer ANY episode of 'The Critic'

slinkimalinki (#182)

i wrote a review of barb wire for a zine that never got published. ahhh, the ninties.

I only recall ever walking out of one movie in my life: Pink Flamingos.

And that was during the scene where Divine is eating dog poop, and you know it's realy dog poop because you actually see it come out of the dog just before Divine eats it.

So … it takes a lot to get me to walk out of a movie, i guess.

HiredGoons (#603)

You realize John Waters would take that as a compliment.

slinkimalinki (#182)

wasn't that the very last scene of the movie?

How would he know?

@CF: What we in Southern Ohio called "Kentucky directions": "You just follow me on down the road and turn about 3 miles before I do."

Kakapo (#2,312)

In fact more of a coda. The "story" is definitely over at that point. Hippity missed 3 minutes tops.

It probably was! I just remember walking out in disgust when it happened. But I'd probably already seen the entire movie by that point I guess.

Kakapo (#2,312)

I'm impressed that you made it through the infamous singing asshole scene.

SemperBufo (#1,849)

Lambada: the Forbidden Dance. We were in the wrong theater. But in retrospect, it was probably pretty awesome.

oh god, "Youth in Revolt," the latest Michael Cera disaster. don't ask me why i was there to begin with.

Rod T (#33)

That movie where Demi Moore was a stripper.

La Cieca (#1,110)

That movie where Demi Moore wasn't a stripper.

HiredGoons (#603)

No such thing.

Rod T (#33)

No, the one where she's sassy and wise beyond her years. And maybe has a kid, or a younger sibling, or maybe a sick goat.

HiredGoons (#603)

Her kid was played by Ashton Kutcher in that, no?

HiredGoons (#603)

'9'

joshc (#442)

I really wanted to walk out of Nine. The only thing keeping me there was knowing that I'd prepaid for another cocktail to arrive halfway through. Luckily it was strong enough to numb the pain of the rest of the movie.

HiredGoons (#603)

Not 'Nine,' '9.' I haven't seen 'Nine.'

Bittersweet (#765)

But those little burlap doll thingees look so cute!

BronxWASP (#415)

I walked out of Nurse Betty but only cuz I was on a date and we had free passes.

BronxWASP (#415)

Oh, wait a second. I walked out of Reservoir Dogs when it was playing at my college student union. I was about to be sick on the floor during the ear scene. I was nauseated for about a half-hour afterward.

Flashman (#418)

I think I mentioned something yesterday in these very pages about once having walked out of a film: "Citizen Toxie: Toxic Avenger 7". This was at the world famous Calgary Film Festival and the film my friends and I had meant to see was 'The Audition' which it turns out was playing on the other side of 12th Street. We kind of wondered what was up during the warm up for Citizen T, when they were tossing out prizes to any girl inthe crowd who'd flash her boobs, but the movie itself was just so incredibly stupid and mean-spirited, and being amongst all these cretins laughing along, we just had to register our disquiet by leaving.
And to top it all off, at that screening we'd missed of The Audition (a Japanese movie involving extended scenes of torture and barbarity) somebody became so distraught that they suffered a heart attack.

Kakapo (#2,312)

When I saw "Audition," at a certain point people were literally running out of the theater.

Ted Maul (#205)

The main lesson I have learned from this (apart from the flying cream puffs) is that I have never walked out of a movie before. It sounds fun!

Well, my Dad had to carry me out of a Superman movie once (2?) because I was distraut and crying loudly. I thought Superman was about to die. But I don't think that counts.

Natan (#1,967)

HOLY SHIT! I felt absolutely traumatized during one of the Superman movies, when there's an evil Superman and he's choking the good Superman. I was watching this at home but I vividly remember running into another room and practically needing to be sedated afterward. Most traumatizing media-related experience of my life!

Think I was three, or thereabouts.

Ted Maul (#205)

I was about 3 too! This would mean that it was probably Superman 2. I just read the plot discription and none of it sounds all that bad, but I was only 3. I loved Clash of the Titans, though!

Oooh, I'll play! My summer camp went on a field trip to see Clash of the Titans when I was pretty little, and I was so traumatized that they had to take me back to the camp by myself! (Yes, I was kind of a pansy as a kid.)

Natan (#1,967)

Some cruel bastard is going to holler "Release the Kraken!" at you one of these days. Be ready.

Oh, I watch it now and laugh & laugh at it! Perhaps if I weren't too young to appreciate all of Harry Hamlin's many… attributes then, I wouldn't have been so quick to bail. (Also, pretty sure it was Medusa that did it!)

Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

OMG. I LOOOOOOOOOOOVED this movie as a kid. The claymation SFX? So Allan Quatermain. And all that glorious draping. I'm worried about the revamp. The new Kraken looks suspect.

But Mary?! "Titans! Will! Clash!"
(Ha!)
(Ha?)

Mary HK Choi (#1,469)

I knooooooooow. It's awful and I re-watched it just last week and it really is so fucking boring and long and horribly acted and… REEEEEALLY *SPOILER ALERT* Medusa vs. Kraken and that's it??!! but I love the water-colored ocean/sand/sky and the perfect tear-drop shaped '70s to early-'80s silicone boobs. It's so Emmanuelle on vacation.

And, I mean, Olivier?!
That cast was bonkers.

slinkimalinki (#182)

i walked out of "home alone 2". we'd taken my friend's little brother and the violence annoyed me.

sunnyciegos (#551)

"Other people's dreams are dreadfully wearisome," Mark Twain said, and he didn't even see Waking Life! (I saw 3/4 of it.)

Natan (#1,967)

Yessss. I rented this twice, got through it neither time A girlfriend had been prattling on about it. The sound of Ethan Hawke philosophizing… Jesus.

metoometoo (#230)

You didn't try to watch it sober, I hope?

whoneedslight (#758)

I walked out of What Dreams May Come and The Russia House.

josh_speed (#97)

What Dreams May Come was deeply offensive on several levels, including the goopy 'oil painting' special effects, but not limited to the maudlin acting and moralizing.

HiredGoons (#603)

'maudlin' is a word that is under-utilized.

Jim Demintia (#1,815)

I can't believe 'Young Sherlock Holmes' is on this list and 'Young Einstein' isn't.

Awww. Whatever happened to Yahoo Serious?

Ted Maul (#205)

I have no idea but I do remember that when‘Young Einstein' came out, he was actually hailed by some critics as "The Next Charlie Chaplin". I guess it didn't quite work out that way.

HiredGoons (#603)

What ever happened to River Phoenix?

Oh yeah…

Natan (#1,967)

Well they were both hounded out of the country.

Dave Bry (#422)

When I was seven, and because I loved the soundtrack my parents had, and also "Welcome Back Kotter," I convinced my grandmother to take me to see "Saturday Night Fever." Then the rape scene, many questions, and a hasty exit.

More recently (but not that recently, jeez, more than ten years ago) I walked out of Albert Brooks "The Muse." This after going on and on to my date about how awesome Albert Brooks was. Then the first half hour, many unanswerable questions, and a hasty exit.

Flashman (#418)

I was traumatized by Saturday Night Fever when my family went to see it at a drive-in in South Africa. Not so much by the rape scene as by the flashing red lights and pounding music and the not understanding what the hell was going on.

HiredGoons (#603)

That's not the movie that frightened and confused you, that's just Disco.

JulieKlausner (#1,143)

Wait, so you didn't get to the part where Albert Brooks has the breakthrough about his script and decides it should be about Jim Carrey working in an aquarium and how it would be "so funny"? It's kind of also a rape scene.

Dave Bry (#422)

No I didn't. but really don't worry about spoiler alert.

Maevemealone (#968)

A Fish Called Wanda. I was with my sister and her psycho controlling boyfriend of the time so I didn't have a choice. He grew impatient for some reason and being 16 and a guest in his house, I had to go along. It was also my first trip to NY so I was just going with the flow.

Bittersweet (#765)

Bummer, that was a fun movie. I saw it studying overseas in Geneva with French subtitles, and they translated all the Italian and Russian love poetry.

janine (#248)

Not to nit pick, but if you made it to the press conference scene in Iron Man, that's more of a leaving early than a walking out.

Natan (#1,967)

These are the boldest and most admirable walking-outs of all.

Natan (#1,967)

Oh nevermind, I misunderstood. Posting too much. This topic speaks to me.

Art Yucko (#1,321)

"Powder"- 1995, Jeff Goldblum/Mary Steenburgen/Sean Patrick Flanery. Was coerced into going by an ex GF. One of the most dreadful, mediocre, sentimental pieces of shit I ever tried and failed to sit through.

Oooh, then you will enjoy this!

HiredGoons (#603)

"a state run home for background actors."

Oh, how I laughed…

gregorg (#30)

I walked out of "Dancer in the Dark" after like ten minutes because I reconsidered and thought I'd rather be working in the middle of the day after all. Carried the refund ticket stub in my wallet for years for no apparent reason.

garge (#736)

In a suburb of Cleveland, there is a third-run theater that charged between 50 cents and $1.50 for movies; my friends and I saw every single movie that came through circa 1999-2003, and I most vividly recall walking out of Zoolander and Shallow Hal. I remember being very disappointed when they advertised Glitter for about six months but it never came.

garge (#736)

Oh, GOD, Rollerball (2002) was the WORST. Most notable walk out.

Rebecca (#3,032)

While I am pretty sure I saw About Schmidt there with my mom, I have fond memories of seeing any number of really terrible movies at that theater. Walking was an effort because you would have to un-stick your shoe with every step.

I also remember that they wouldn't let me in to see a movie once because I was ten minutes late…even though I offered to give them the whole dollar (it was before 6p).

LondonLee (#922)

If hitting "eject" on the DVD player counts as walking out of a film I did that with 'Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo' – one nasty hairy dick scene too many. And I liked the first one a lot!

garge (#736)

Someone left a copy of "Waiting" on the T, so I watched it but couldn't get through half of it. I was really looking forward to it because I waited tables for years, and there is so much potential, but goddamn, it was wretched. I left it on the train the next day.

Bittersweet (#765)

I've never walked out of a theater, but I've ejected plenty o' DVDs. I should've ejected 'The Dark Knight' last night (one of my husband's students lent it to us) but we suffered through it waiting for awesomeness that never showed up. And that fucker is long.

nadie (#807)

TWSS

Bittersweet (#765)

Remind me what that means? Thx.

deepomega (#1,720)

Likewise for hitting eject! Notables include:

Daredevil
Revolutionary Road
The Royal Tenenbaums (the first time I tried, at least. I made it through, barely, on attempt two several years later)

Wes Anderson can suck it.

HiredGoons (#603)

Yeah what was up with Revolutionary Road?

That movie was ATROSH.

HiredGoons (#603)

When the only person in your town who understands you is a crazy person FUCKING MOVE BITCHEZ.

deepomega (#1,720)

I thought after the obvious and lame beginning it might get interesting and then I wikispoilered it mid-viewing and said Fuck. This. Noise.

Think maybe I went and watched some 30 Rock after? 1000% improvement.

Natan (#1,967)

I admire you for delivering yourself from Revolutionary Road. I was not strong enough.

I walked out of Rockstar because I didn't get 'kitsch' when I was 16 and having to pay 12 bones to see a movie. BUT looking back, as I often do over the Mark Wahlberg oeuvre, I should have savored shirtless DOMINIC WEST way more.

deepomega (#1,720)

Even I, a straight man, would pay 12 dollars to see Mr West shirtless. =(

Oh, man. So worth it. His accent is also super thick, like the six muscles her has on his tummy and auggghhh

evilfred (#2,351)

Walked out of Waking Life. If I wanted to listen to random people philosophizing about crap I'd hang out with undergrads.

Kakapo (#2,312)

Hmmm… My list is a bit odd. I've actually sat through most of the terrible movies I've paid to see. I can only think of four movies I've walked out of – "The Addams Family," "Rosetta," "A Woman Under the Influence" and "Hot Fuzz." "The Addams Family" was just so incredibly mediocre that it became more offensive to me than a truly horrible movie would have been. "Rosetta" just seemed so condescending and tried so hard for realism that it overshot by several miles. "A Woman Under the Influence" is a favorite of mine and I'd seen it a few times before, but it's not a movie to go see by yourself when you're feeling emotionally fragile. I just had a panic attack in the middle of "Hot Fuzz," exacerbated by the hilariously frenetic editing. Love that flick, too, though. "A Walk in the Clouds" was also playing on a flight I took once. I paid for my headphones but actually unplugged them after about forty minutes. That should probably count.

HiredGoons (#603)

'Addams Family Values' is amazing.

joshc (#442)

For alost all of A Woman Under the Influence I fought competing urges of wanting to flee and not being able to leave without seeing where the trainwreck eventually careened. I ended up surviving the whole thing, but only barely. It still kind of hurts.

HiredGoons (#603)

'A Woman Under the Influence' might be one of my favorite movies – DO NOT BESMIRCH GENA ROWLANDS.

Kakapo (#2,312)

NO besmirching here. I own everything she did with Cassavetes. I was just feeling fragile when I walked out, and I'd seen it a couple of times before then and several times after.

I can't believe "Love Streams" isn't on DVD. My vhs copy is barely hanging in there.

Kakapo (#2,312)

Also, goons, I've noticed from the film threads here that we clearly have extremely similar tastes.

HiredGoons (#603)

*call me

Gloria is my favorite Gena Rowlands movie.

LondonLee (#922)

I was just going to say that. Must see that again one day.

Bittersweet (#765)

"Hot Fuzz"! Love it.

One of the only movies I have seen more than once in a theater. Four times.

joshc (#442)

you the living, half life, momma's man, untamed heart. does sleeping through all of a scanner darkly count?

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

1983- Superman III: Cut out of junior high school to see this at the local theater ("The Oceana" that's now a Russian restaurant) and wow. Only 5 people in the theater; me and my two friends and a father and his kid. I said "This sucks!" and the guy with the kid shouted at me until his kid says to him "Yeah, he's right…" They ended up leaving and we stayed to watch the sucking continue.

1990- The Two Jakes: Dragged to this by my sisters husband. Piece of junk. When he said "Let's leave…" it's quite possibly the only reasonable thing that jerk ever did in his life.

1990- The Russia House: I'm not too sure why anyone in the group wanted to go to Angelika to see this, but we did. And the theater was packed? So we were all shoved into the front row. Watching a giant talking head film from the front row lost it's charm after 30 minutes. Away we went!

1994- Kenneth Branaugh's Frankenstein: Didn't walk out, but saw it at that discount theater multiplex on 50th Street near 9th Avenue where Dodger/New World Stages is now. Got drunk at Rudy's, went into the theater, watched and said "This thing sucks…" Guy in front of me "Yeah, you're right!" We all stayed because it was too crowded, too comfortable so I took cat naps.

2005- The Ring 2: We mixed up starting times on films, and went to this because hey, it was starting and has Naomi Watts! Left a minute or two after those CGI deer show up. Who the %@&# thought CGI deer were a good idea?

Honorable mentions: My dad repeatedly told me how he walked out of Chinatown right after the nose cutting scene. Yet somehow had no problems with The Godfather. My mom walked out of The Bad News Bears because she didn't understand it and need to make blintzes.

jfruh (#713)

I've almost never walked out of a movie — not because of dogged pride or something, it's just kind of an OCD thing. Once it starts I sort of have to know how it ends. For example, I sat all the way through "Just My Luck," the Lindsay Lohan vehicle, despite one of the people I was there with walking out and providing an opportunity to do the same.

The only two movies I've walked out on, neither wholly my doing:

*John Singleton's "Higher Learning," which I left not because it sucked (though it did) but because my then-girlfriend freaked out when people in the theater laughed at the date rape scene.

*Ang Lee's "Hulk," which I only saw because my father-in-law accidentally got to the theater half an hour early to see the movie we actually planned to see ("28 Days Later"). So we watched the first 20 minutes of the Hulk to see if it would tempt us to stay, and it didn't, but if I had actually paid to see it I'm sure I would have stayed.

Movies that I should have walked out on, but somehow didn't:

*"August Rush"
*"American Virgin"

Really, never see those films. NEVER.

C_Webb (#855)

I didn't walk out of Indecent Proposal, but it was so bad that I broke up with my boyfriend immediately afterward, just to hurt something.

Abe Sauer (#148)

"I wanted to destroy something beautiful"

Show Girls is brill & I won't hear you say 1 word against it!

Or, erm, Showgirls, even.
(I gotta stop drunk commenting…)

Abe Sauer (#148)

er whaaaa?

Heh. I was saying? About commenting while drunk?
Sigh.

Full metal jacket – when the guy blew his brains out
dark man – just fucking horrifyingly bad
biodome- i was high but could still feel abject shame
daybreakers – after an hour I was laughing at the serious parts

Natan (#1,967)

I'm seeing multiple mentions of Waking Life and Revolutionary Road. Very gratifying!

Take that, alt weekly film critics of the nation!

Vulpes (#946)

The only movie me or my family has ever walked out of is "Ernest Goes To Camp." I was, like, four years old, and I STILL thought that movie was too heinous to endure.

I just remember my I went to the movie Hold the Tiger with my parents as a kid, and my dad made us get up and walk out of that one. It was during a scene where some women were walking around in underwear, and you could faintly see their breast through the sheer bras they were wearing. That was apparently too obscene for Dad.

The movie was rated PG. It was a Jack Lemmon movie, for God's sake.

My Dad could be a real prude sometimes.

Clip Arthur (#2,024)

You mean Save the Tiger, right?

Yes, that's the one.

When you're old enough to have seen that movie when it was in the theaters, your memory starts to go …

johngoren (#883)

Walked out of the new Sherlock Holmes movie. Right when a mysterious figure was about to boil an uptight parlimentarian and I realized that scenes of Jude Law dodging CG objects comprised a problem that was only going to get worse towards Act III.

josh_speed (#97)

That film was actually not bad if you go to it high off your ass and with no expectations whatsoever.

It also helps if you have no idea what/who Sherlock Holmes is.

HiredGoons (#603)

It also helps that Jude Law is very pretty and frankly, I would pay $12 to watch him open an empty cardboard box.

brent_cox (#40)

I walked out of "Blue Velvet" because I'd had too much pot and red wine while on my first grown-up date. I came back when I was done puking, but I don't remember the movie at all.

Liquid (#546)

Was present when people walked out of Bruce LaBruce's 'Otto: or, Up with Dead People'.
It was funny, because LaBruce was introducing it and said he enjoyed watching people walk out when they realized it wasn't really a Zombie Porn but a Gay Romance. Ha ha.
(Ironically, I think the couple walked out during the first corpse/zombie wound-fucking scene, before the love story aspects really started to emerge.)

carpetblogger (#306)

I have a strict 20 minute rule — if a movie doesn't hold my attention in the first 20 minutes, I walk. This means I can count the number of movies that I've sat through recently on one hand. Stoopid internets has ruined my attention span.

philomene (#355)

I walked out of Dead Ringers – the movie about drug-addicted twin gynecologists. It was too much. I can't believe my parents took me to that.

I think I also walked out of The Cable Guy – either that or I passed out.

Also, Killing Zoe. I think I already didn't feel well, then someone got high and the camerawork got all jumpy and I felt like I was gonna lose it.

HiredGoons (#603)

OMG Dead Ringers is such a piece of shit.

petejayhawk (#1,249)

Never walked out of a movie but in high school I did fall asleep (sober) during that awful Phenomenon movie with Travolta.

En Vague (#82)

I remember making my friend sit through the entirety of Magnolia with me. She desperately wanted to leave almost immediately, but I was having so much fun listening to her gradually growing rage to the climactic point when Tom Cruise is at Jason Robards' deathbed and she yelled "WHY WON'T THE OLD MAN JUST FUCKING DIE ALREADY?!?!" in a crowded theatre.

Heh. My friend dragged me to see Stepmom ages ago, and I am decidedly not a chick flick lover. It was a late-night showing, so I was getting pretty antsy by the end. And so when the dumb kid's bird got out of its cage or whatever (spoiler alert!), I yelled, "Peck their eyes out!" Sadly, no one laughed.

Pretty sure my friend was pretty mortified, though.

Bittersweet (#765)

Back in the Stone Age we went to see "Antz," the animated insect movie that wasn't "A Bug's Life." Towards the end, the hero ant (Woody Allen) was doing his nebbishy/neurotic monologue thing with the girl ant (Sharon Stone, maybe?).

Behind me, a teenage girl yelled "Shut the fuck up!" to general approval. It was a beautiful moment.

missdelite (#625)

Wish I could scrub the Zodiac park scene from my brain. Seriously, some moments should be censored, I don't care how true-to-life they are.

Didn't leave, but fell asleep in the theater during Star Wars: Episode II.

Bittersweet (#765)

Didn't fall asleep, but left to barf (morning sickness) and then laughed through the 'love scenes.' Only saving grace: Ewan McGregor.

Vulpes (#946)

Ewan McGregor makes everything better. Seriously, one of the few good things of the whole prequel trilogy was watching him slowly morph into Alec Guiness. It was a bit freaky there towards the end, frankly. I'm pretty sure he was possessed by Sir Alec's spirit at one point.

Didn't leave, but sucked-face and petted heavily during all but the first 10 minutes of Twins.

I walked out of Borat mostly out of boredom but partly because of bad audience. Also does forfeiting $5.99 to ppv count after 17 minutes of Bride Wars?

lawyergay (#220)

Bride Wars is one of the worst movies ever made. SATC meets "Cathy."

Strama (#2,886)

Highlander II – Wait, they're aliens now! WTF

lawyergay (#220)

My ex and I walked out of Armageddon not because it sucked but because it was so fucking loud. We asked the usher if we could get our tickets refunded, and he said yes!

Also, I walked out of an architecture lecture once. This was in the early days of the "_______ + _______" firms, and the two speakers had chosen to deliver their lectures simultaneously. PIcture two vaguely androgynous people in Helmut Lang jeans/leggings and Oliver Peoples glasses delivering two separate lectures about ornamentation and/or brutalism or something at the same motherfucking time. It wasn't so much edgy or avant garde as headache-inducing.

I, too, do not leave movies early; instead I signal my displeasure with them by nodding off. Sometimes this happens within the first 10 minutes! A brief list of movies that this has happened with:

The Russia House
Far & Away (I like to think that my falling asleep was a protest against the crappy accents)
The first Lord Of The Rings installment (in my defense, it was a midnight screening)
Various Loud Shouty Movies That Would Inevitably Result In People Saying To Me, "Man, you can sleep through anything, can't you?" (The answer is: Not always! Especially when I actually want to sleep!)

Kakapo (#2,312)

I actually fell asleep in Inglourious Basterds. And a friend of mine plays one of the characters! In my defense, I was massively, massively drunk, and I think I fell asleep probably after her last scene.

ericspiegelman (#1,801)

I can only assume that nobody mentioned Alexander because nobody even bothered to buy a ticket in the first place. But this was a movie so bad that its director predicted it would fail. Though, he said it would fail because Americans can't handle the bisexuality of the main character, and because Bush was an asshole. How the last part would affect audience attendance wasn't exactly clear.

I didn't so much as walk out of it as I was asked to leave. I tried to keep it together, I really did, but the scene with the Persian war elephant and Alexander's war horse rearing up at each other in slow-motion was just too emo Ringling Brothers not to lose my shit. The usher said I was bothering the two other people in the theater.

MikeBarthel (#1,884)

I went to see Saving Private Ryan with my parents, and while I didn't walk out for good, I did go to the lobby and play pinball for about a half hour. I assumed I wouldn't miss anything, and I was right.

delrayser (#319)

I have walked out of two movies; what movies they were isn't relevant, as the walking-out wasn't due to anything onscreen. My wife has VERY low tolerance for annoyances from other theatergoers during a movie. Usually this just amounts to her shushing people while I try to hide in my seat, but twice it has gone WAY beyond that.

Once was when the rather hairy fellow sitting next to my wife proceeded to remove his Tevas about 15 minutes into the movie. The stank was bad enough, but then he proceeded to start digging between his toes. That was it; we were gone.

The second time, we lasted a whole hour, until the overweight guy sitting two seats over from my wife proceeded to go to the snackbar, get a tray of nachos, eat all the chips, and then lick the leftover nacho cheese out of the tray.

That was over five years ago. I'm not sure we've been back to a theater since. Now we just watch Netflix and she glares at and shushes me in the privacy of our own home.

HiredGoons (#603)

Your wife sounds awesome (seriously!)

delrayser (#319)

*call me

Scent of Green Papaya: the kid pees on the floor, no one smacks him, I'm out.

Oh, and War of the Worlds. At a drive-in multiplex. More a leaving-early thing. Tom's son reappears, we jam it into drive, peel out, and drive over to watch The Longest Yard Starring Adam Sandler. Which was far more satisfying.

bob222 (#2,843)
Clip Arthur (#2,024)

*bleep, bloop* bob222 is a spam-bot! *bleep*

homotextual (#3,050)

Rivers and Tides, the Andy Goldsworthy movie. I liked his art well enough before, but have never been able to look at a piece of his since. Some (most) artists should never be allowed to talk about their work.

Trishthedish36 (#3,091)

The Ugly Truth – in general, it was horrible, but specifically, it made my inner feminist want to burn her tiny bra in protest.

Toys – the weird movie with Robin Williams, which proves that he is a.) unfunny and b.) painful to watch

Bride Wars – raging tiny feminist threw her Orangina bottle against the wall

Jumper – can there be a straw poll of the actors we would gladly see ex-communicated from Hollywood, because Hayden Christianson is horrible. This movie was laughably bad.

Post a Comment