Americans as a whole may be too lazy to steal, but North Pole denizens are still on their game. Merry Christmas!
Dear Santa –
I have been very good this year. For Christmas I would like $5,300 in clean, unmarked bills from a SunTrust bank in Nasvhille, the one right off of Coffey Ave. Remember, Santa, when you're dealing with a bank like this, they're insured up the ass. They're not supposed to give you any resistance whatsoever. If you get a customer, or an employee, who thinks he's Charles Bronson, take the butt of your gun and smash their nose in. Everybody jumps. He falls down screaming, blood squirts out of his nose, nobody says fucking shit after that. You might get some bitch talk shit to you, but give her a look like you're gonna smash her in the face next, watch her shut the fuck up. Now if it's a manager, that's a different story. Managers know better than to fuck around, so if you get one that's giving you static, he probably thinks he's a real cowboy, so you gotta break that son of a bitch in two. If you wanna know something and he won't tell you, cut off one of his fingers. The little one. Then tell him his thumb's next. After that he'll tell you if he wears ladies underwear. Also, I would like a taco.
Wait till the cookies blow red and green sprinkles all over his fat ass.
I want this soundtrack.
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