What else does Science have for us today? “If you want to live to a grand old age, then smile — and make sure you mean it. Pro baseball players in the 1950s who genuinely beamed in their official photographs tended to outlive more sullen-looking sportsmen and those who put on fake smiles. Players from the US major league with honest grins lived an average of seven years longer than players who didn’t smile for the camera and five years longer than players who smiled unconvincingly, conclude Ernest Abel and Michael Kruger at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan.”

So it looks like the coyotes are here to stay. This video was filmed three weeks ago at “The Pond” in the southeast corner of Central Park. When the car lights pass it’s like that scene from Collateral, right? After this week’s exciting chase through Chelsea, Paul D. Curtis, Cornell University associate professor of Natural Resources talked to Discovery’s Jennifer Viegas about it. “Coyotes have been in Central Park in the past, and will continue to appear in such urban parks and green spaces throughout most of New York State,” Curtis said. “People will need to find ways to coexist with urban wildlife to minimize potential conflicts and concerns.”

Okay, so, coyotes, a couple of ground rules and some advice:

1) No howling after ten. (That’s not the moon you’re looking, anyway. It’s the jumbotron in Times Square.)

2) If you think a vole is tough, the rats here will kick your sniveling, wanna-be-wolf ass all the way back to Yellowstone. Seriously. Ask Nas. You don’t want it.

3) Don’t try to nose out into the crosswalk when you’re trying to turn. That’s pedestrian territory. HUMAN pedestrian territory.

4) The honey-roasted peanuts at the street carts never taste as good as they smell. You’ll probably still buy them anyway, I always do. But, just so you know.

5) I don’t recommend going to Coyote Ugly. It isn’t nearly as much like Cocktail as the movie made it seem. But, hey, if a bunch of bridge-and-tunnel dudes in bad suits doing upside-down margarita shots is your thing, knock yourself out. Just don’t surprised if you end up wanting to chew your own foot off in the morning.

6) No regrets, we just come from such different sets of circumstances.

Ouch: “The governor is scheduled to speak to what’s left of his staff at his Manhattan office this afternoon.”

Psychologists at the University of Queensland, in Brisbane, Australia studied the behavior of male skateboarders and made a rather stunning discovery: Men do stupid things in the presence of a pretty girl.

In tests, the team used both male and female observers to watch how the men performed their manoeuvres at a local park. Results revealed that they ‘took more risks when they were observed by an attractive female than when they were observed by a male. ‘This increased risk-taking led to more successes but also more crash landings in front of the female observer.’ Saliva tests confirmed they had ‘elevated testosterone levels’ while a good-looking woman was around.

Scientists suggest that men take more risks around an attractive woman because they hope that the woman will be impressed enough to let the man put his penis inside her vagina, at which point he will pump and grind and grab and pull and claw and sweat thrusting slowly and then quickly and then slowly again until an explosive climax fills the woman with the man’s seed, after which he will immediately pull up his pants and head back to the skatepark. And that is how babies are made. The end.

“I don’t know whether it is just growing up or whether it’s geography, but neither Tacoma, WA, nor New York, NY has been big on kegs (in my experience). New York kind of makes sense. After all, where would anyone store kegs? They’re quite bulky. Still. As dumb as it will obviously sound, I think the keg is a great social apparatus, and I miss it, particularly because it doesn’t seem like people are any less into drinking now than they were when kegs played a bigger part in my life. Kegs are in some ways more fun from an objective standpoint, and are almost always less expensive than their equivalent volume in cases. Is this just a sophistication thing?”
-Pondering the keg party, growing up and the City.

I did not know there was a shortage of Eggos in America, but I would imagine this means huge swaths of the country are starving, unable to procure their own salt-sugar cardboard products as a replacement. Apparently this has been going on since November, when two of the nation’s four Eggo plants shut down. (At one, in Atlanta, an employee was touching his mustache and then not washing his hands. Eww, your Eggos have mustache in them!) In any event, as this picture clearly shows, not all the existing Eggos have been consumed in America yet, despite hilarious signs to the contrary, so I guess run out and get your mustache-hair breakfast products. (Though really, what “inconvenience” could said shortage really cause? The inconvenience of not eating GARBAGE?)

This is how you roll across the pond on Moneycrime Island: English TV queen Anthea Turner’s megamillionaire businessman husband Grant Bovey officially went in for bankruptcy yesterday. And? “The entrepreneur, 48, admitted he couldn’t pay £50 million worth of his debts after the collapse of his property empire at Guildford County Court yesterday. Following the devastating declaration, the couple headed off on holiday for a few days to ‘chill out.’”

Here we go: “U.S. food regulators announced a voluntary recall on Thursday of food made with a common flavoring that could be contaminated with salmonella bacteria but did not estimate how broad the recall will be.” The flavoring is hydrolyzed vegetable protein, and since pretty much everything we eat in America today is made in a lab and full of artificial compounds that could probably just as well be used as defoliants or paint thinner, I would imagine every single thing in your kitchen cabinet is riddled with salmonella right now. On the plus side, you’ve filled yourself with so much crap over the years that unless you are super-old or super-young, you’ve probably developed some kind of immunity to salmonella by now. Hell, you probably like the taste of salmonella. It’s got a ton of umami. Anyway, forewarned is forearmed and all that.

In an unsurprising news update, the New Jersey man who smacked his own lawyer in front of a jury convened to determine whether or not he was guilty of a number of violent crimes has been found guilty. He will now be sentenced to life in prison. Because of all the prior bank robbing and stuff.

It’s time for us to update the Gawker Media seating chart, as the company has a new plan! Previously, we saw that 1/4 of desks were designated editorial, and 1/4 were for subletters. But things have changed quite a bit. For one thing, editorial is sprawling.