Happy birthday to Peter Murphy of Bauhaus and Dalis Car, who turns 54 today.

The British phone hacking scandal just keeps getting bigger: “Journalists from across News International repeatedly targeted the former prime minister Gordon Brown, attempting to access his voicemail and obtaining information from his bank account, his legal file as well as his family’s medical records…. The sheer scale of the data assault on Brown is unusual, with evidence of attempts to obtain his legal, financial, tax, medical and police records as well as to listen to his voicemail. All of these incidents are linked to media organisations. In many cases, there is evidence of a link to News International.”

Is there anyone left in town who didn’t spend the weekend or this morning trying not to heave? Is someone trying to kill us all?

Time to unfollow Arby’s 🙁 RT @alltwtr: If You Follow A Brand On Twitter, You’ll Be Seeing More Ads From Them Soon http://t.co/SKbqTjyMon Jul 11 13:56:49 via Twitter for Android

Mike Byhoff
mbyhoff

When web guy Mike Byhoff decided it was time to maybe disengage on Twitter with a brand that sells roast beef sandwiches, due to Twitter about to get super-monetized with forced viewing of ads by all, Arby’s had a feeling. This is how it all begins and/or ends.

@mbyhoff 🙁Mon Jul 11 13:59:43 via TweetDeck

Arby’s
Arbys

Big night out last week for Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan!

The three men were spotted ordering the $700 worth of wine at Bistro Bis on Capitol Hill by an associate professor of business at Rutgers University named Susan Feinberg. After dining in the same restaurant with her husband, Feinberg confronted Ryan and his pals about the high-end wine. The exchange became contentious. Ryan professed not to know the price of the wine, and one of his buddies responded to Feinberg’s chastisement by loudly saying, “Fuck her.”

He has fun friends! The mouthy one is Cliff Asness, who runs a hedge fun and used to work at Goldman Sachs and has terrible ideas about economics. The threesome were approached by a Rutgers business prof, who wanted to ask how they could spend more on an evening’s worth of beverages than a family makes on minimum wage in a week, which: fine point! I would however like to say that I agree 100% with his theories on tipping. (Which goes like: “Hmm, okay, well ten percent of the bill is $39, so double that and round up, oh rats, I forgot to carry the one, let me scratch out ‘$372’ and write in ‘$472.’”)

• Tonight, at Hudson River Park: The Karate Kid is screening. And tonight, at the Prospect Park Bandshell: Los Lobos. So either go to the South Street Seaport, where The Wake is playing, or come back to Prospect Park on Saturday, when Raekwon is playing.

• Or? Tonight, on the Intrepid, they are playing The Goonies at sunset. (Warning: NO ALCOHOL ALLOWED, it’s a, you know, battleship/museum.) BUT BEST OF ALL? The midnight movie at the Landmark Sunshine this weekend is Mortal Kombat. Boom! And in art, there’s a weirdo group show opening tonight at Maccarone in the West Village.

• In local film, Septien plays at the IFC — the only film there classified as “Comedy/Drama/Horror.” Nationally, uh… the only big movie opening is Zookeeper? Oh and Horrible Bosses. Maybe you should just stay home and get your Google Circles all lined up? Gosh, what a strange weekend this is! Is there anything better to do? LET US KNOW. We’ll be at home, staring at the wall.

Recommended reads for your downtime:

• Some Cures for the Hiccups
• How to Spend $1 Million at Tiffany (it’s easy!)
•A Photo Tribute to the Hot Folks of NYC!
• A Handy Guide to How (Not) to Work with the Kids of the Famous
• The Age-Old Question: Which Failed Utopia was Best?

Photo by Andrew Piccone, from the series A Day in New York

by Mark Bibbins, Editor

Carousel

At five I took up break dancing.
Enameled zebras and mermaids,
sinewed to my vertebrae, rode
the crest and trough of thudding
sinusoidal waves. I preferred
hard wood over sidewalks for
dizzy speed, but at Cleo’s Needle
my calliope got more green.
I spray painted my cardboard
but its integrity wearied me.
Now when I crave the loopy organ
grind and tessellated mirrors,
I reveal the Tattooed Man.

To-Do

Inside the fig leaf
is David and Venus de Milo.
Inside David
is fear, pride and ambition.
Inside Venus
is a Blackberry brimming to-do lists and appointments.
Inside naïve pride and ambition
is a pecan. Hull shucked,
it buries itself in the ground
sprouts
cracks its shell
roots down
unwinds up and green
and consumes his meat.
Inside to-do lists and appointments,
Veuve Clicquot and Chambord,
proportioned to a practiced heart,
twirl
drip bitters
and pour over bristling ice.
David and Venus
loosen leaves wedged
upon them
and party.

Bill Kimzey’s work has appeared in Ducts, Cha: An Asian Literary Journal, and VerbSap. He is desperately trying to find an agent, or even a publisher, for his memoir, Dear Denise.

For more poetry, visit The Poetry Section’s vast archive. You may contact the editor at poems@theawl.com.

by Myles Tanzer

Every New Yorker has a series of cherished myths and hard-earned wisdom that he or she considers the Gospel truth about how to get by in this city. But are the stories we tell ourselves in order to live really on the level? We turn to the experts to help us figure it out.

There’s the moment in every New Yorker’s life (tourists, you get to play this round too!) where they experience the terrible feeling of a leg cramp during a Broadway show. Do you scream? Do you shuffle out of your aisle noisily and try your best not to faceplant? Why are those seats so small in the first place?!

The New York Times investigated the issue in 2004 and came out with some unsurprising stats. Their “nonscientific survey” confirmed what everyone already knows: “some seats in Broadway theaters are really small.” The “pitch” (the distance from a point on one seat to the same point on the seat in front of it) in heaters mostly ranged from 30 to 32 inches — a puny amount of space for a full-grown human.

But what the article didn’t answer was why these seats were so small in the first place and why they were so scrunched together. We turned to an elite panel of experts for our answer.

We asked Wall Street Journal’s drama critic Terry Teachout on what the deal was with the little chairs. His answer:

“It depends — usually — on the age of the theater in question, and whether that theater has been renovated in modern times. Houses built prior to World War II typically have narrower seats, undoubtedly because Americans have grown fatter in recent years. Legroom has also shrunk in most Broadway houses, the same way that it has on airplanes and for the same reason: to cram in more people. That problem, however, has nothing to do with the age of the house. (Lincoln Center’s Vivian Beaumont Theater, which opened in 1965, is notoriously difficult for long-legged people.) In addition, the width and ‘pitch’ of theater seats also varies within a given theater. Generally speaking, though, these two rules apply: (1) The smaller the house, the smaller the seats. (2) The cheaper the seats, the bigger the problem.”

New York Times theater critic Ben Brantley, who says that he “flies economy often enough to make Broadway seats feel pretty roomy,” didn’t have a lot to add on the subject. He did note that he had “heard complaints, though,” and forwarded us to Broadway producer Elizabeth McCann.

McCann’s production credits are a laundry list of successes. Some of her recent smashes include the revival of Equus with naked Daniel Radcliffe, Waiting for Godot (with Nathan Lane in 2009), and the revival of Hair. She confirmed the cram-in theory. “The Hirschfield theatre has more seats than it originally did, the St. James has more seats than it originally did. They all do. They’re constantly trying to put more seats in the house to boost revenue.”

But these small seats not only limit legroom, they also limit the creative desires of directors and producers too. McCann says that “If the audience is seeing a 1st act that’s over an hour — they’re going to get restless.” She explains, “It’s not only about uncomfortability, it’s their ability to understand the plot.”

McCann mused about an unfortunate event that did at least make Broadway seating more comfortable: when she had broken her leg and was confined to a wheelchair. “Those seats are the best in the house because your wheelchair is your seat. If everyone went to the theatre in wheelchairs, it would be great.” In a less tongue-in-cheek suggestion, McCann said that she would be willing to pay an extra $25 dollars for an extra two inches of leg room. Sounds lucrative for her and roomier for us. Sign us up already, Elizabeth, our knees are killing us.

You think you know it all about how to get by in New York, but admit it, there’s something that you have a nagging uncertainty about. Ask us! Maybe we can help!

Photo by Benjamin Thompson

“Scientists have found 1,400 strains of bacteria lurking in human belly buttons. The discovery was made during a study in which 95 volunteers allowed a team of microbiologists to gaze at their navels and take swabs from inside their belly buttons. When the team behind the project checked the samples against a database of existing bacteria, they found 662 unrecognised strains, which might even be new species.”

What’s in YOUR belly button? Tell us in the comments!

by Sean Manning

115. Cool As Ice
114. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
113. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
112. Kazaam
111. Addams Family Values
110. Deep Blue Sea
109. The Addams Family
108. Dr. Doolittle
107. Blade
106. Fled
105. Small Soldiers
104. Gladiator
103. Butter
102. White Men Can’t Jump
101. The Walking Dead
100. Mi Vida Loca
99. Posse
98. How Stella Got Her Groove Back
97. A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
96. Steel
95. The 6th Man
94. Ghostbusters II
93. Bulletproof
92. Eddie
91. Original Gangstas
90. The Substitute
89. The Return of Super Fly
88. Why Do Fools Fall in Love
87. Ride
86. Marked for Death
85. Phat Beach
84. House Party 3
83. Foolish
82. Life
81. Whiteboys
80. Mo’ Money
79. A Low Down Dirty Shame
78. Beverly Hills Cop III
77. Booty Call
76. South Central
75. Hav Plenty
74. Fresh
73. Space Jam
72. Jason’s Lyric
71. Soul Food
70. CB4
69. Wild Wild West
68. Higher Learning
67. Hoodlum
66. The Jerky Boys
65. Ringmaster
64. Any Given Sunday
63. Good Burger
62. Strictly Business
61. Bad Boys
60. The Nutty Professor
59. Stay Tuned
58. Office Space
57. Crooklyn
56. Money Talks
55. Trespass
54. The Great White Hype
53. Blue Streak
52. Caught Up
51. The Wood
50. Sprung
49. House Party
48. Boomerang
47. Panther
46. Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood
45. Slam
44. I’m Bout It
43. Dangerous Ground
42. Light It Up
41. Clockers
40. How to Be a Player
39. In Too Deep
38. New Jersey Drive, Vol. 2
37. White Men Can’t Rap
36. Nothing But Trouble
35. Men In Black
34. Woo
33. Street Fighter
32. The Players Club
31. Gang Related
30. Deep Cover
29. Set It Off
28. Dangerous Minds
27. High School High
26. Belly
25. Tales from the Hood
24. Gridlock’d
23. House Party 2
22. Soul in the Hole
21. Judgment Night
20. Nothing to Lose
19. Poetic Justice
18. Rhyme & Reason
17. The Corruptor
16. Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai
15. I Got the Hook Up
14. He Got Game
13. Sunset Park
12. Bulworth
11. Rush Hour
10. Friday
9. Who’s the Man?
8. The Show
7. Murder Was the Case
6. New Jersey Drive, Vol. 1
5. New Jack City
4. Menace II Society
3. Above the Rim
2. Boyz n the Hood
1. Juice

Sean Manning is the author of the memoir The Things That Need Doing and editor of several nonfiction anthologies, most recently Bound to Last: 30 Writers on Their Most Cherished Book.