Posts Tagged: Terrible Stories

This Restraining Order Expires On Tuesday

The first time "Misty" broke into the backyard to pound and scream at the bedroom window, the police handcuffed her and said—her face pressed to the hood of the idling black and white—that she was not to return. I figured we would never see her again after that early morning in 2012. But the next night, around 1 a.m., I was in bed with my new boyfriend, "Scott," and we heard the bedroom door slowly crack open. Scott jumped up. "No! You can’t be here!" he shouted, all high-pitched.

At the end of this calendar year, our second restraining order against Misty expires. The Misty saga (this is the truncated [...]


Florida Man's Butt Stands Its Ground

A man was taken to the hospital after getting shot in the buttocks at work in a South Florida pawn shop.

At about 6:30 p.m. Tuesday, an employee of David Bari’s Pawn shop on State Road 7 in Margate stepped out, leaving his semiautomatic Glock .40 caliber gun on top of a counter. Another employee saw the weapon and thinking it was a store item, picked it up to place it in the showcase.

The gun went off while the employee was handling it and a third employee happened to be in the line of fire.



Do Not Talk to This Man if You See Him on the Street

"He had already told me a lunatic story about meeting a hooker who knew a gay porn actor who did security for Christina Aguilera and had knowledge of a transvestite that a Yankees star kept in an apartment on Central Park South. The gay porn actor also happened to be diddling a Hollywood director. Via this most exotic of connections, Howie claimed to have had a few conversations with the director, who had put him in touch with his agent at Creative Artists Agency. The agent stopped taking Howie's calls within the week." —It doesn't take long in the endlessly sordid tale of the life of Howard Spira [...]


Just Don't Offer Your Subway Seat to Not-Pregnant Women

"My sleepy mind slowly whirred to life and I scanned for reasons that a random stranger would offer me, a young and seemingly able-bodied person, her seat on a packed downtown 2 train at rush hour. If I were her I’d have clung to that choice seat so hard, someone would have to roll in with an iron lung before I would consider getting up. And even then I’d be real pissy about it, rolling my eyes and such. Then again, I am a terrible person, and maybe this girl was not. Maybe she was being sweet because I looked exhausted?" OH NO GIRL, THAT IS NOT WHY.


Chris Muth, aka The Cat Man, is an American Hero

We can't really do any better than this, from The Brooklyn Paper. "A cat-loving Cobble Hill man whose valiant effort to save a lost feline last year was misinterpreted as the rantings of a crazy person has sued the hospital that medicated him in a way 'normally reserved for violent psychiatric patients.'" Oh? DO GO ON. "Mild-mannered Chris Muth was cat-sitting when he realized the pussy had plunged down a 30-foot shaft and was trapped. That's when Muth became a man consumed, a man who cared more for felines than his fellow man, he became… the Cat Man." Sure! AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED? "Cat Man barged into an unoccupied [...]


Have You Read This Messed-Up Lionel Shriver Story Yet???

It doesn't look like anyone's really noticed this Lionel Shriver story in this week's New Yorker yet. (I hadn't, until a friend pointed it out to me last night in an email. (Body: "IT IS FUCKED UP."))

It is behind the subscriber-wall, and most people don't get to their "paper" issues till the weekend, after all, and also people tend to talk about fact more than fiction in the New Yorker. But… well, her story is pretty brutal, as you would expect from the author of We Need to Talk About Kevin, but and then? Well we must spoil it to talk about it. So. We will give [...]


Steve Jobs, Liar

"Over two decades the quintessential Chinese factory worker has gone from earning $50 a month assembling $100 sneakers to $300 or so a month, depending on overtime, assembling $300 or so smartphones. If a Foxconn worker — given the other opportunities in life and the current no-cell-phone policy on the factory floor — was going to splurge on a smartphone, the only reason he wouldn’t buy an iPhone is that Apple products are inevitably a ripoff, which is the not-so-dirty secret of 31.5 percent operating margins.

"Because when you work in a factory, brands lose a lot of mystique."


The Hurricane's Terrible Insult to the History of Metal

Won't you extend your lighters as we send out this classic power ballad to reality star, Broadway diva, hair metal frontman and "Gilmore Girls" player Sebastian Bach? For him, it's bad times, for a change. Real bad times: "Original Skid Row & KISS fans, I have bad news for you. Gone are irreplaceable items, such as my KISS Gargoyles from the 1979 tour. KISS pinball machine. Skid Row master tapes, video & audio, concerts, master tapes from Oh Say Can You Scream etc. Boxes & boxes of one of a kind Skid Row memorabilia, from the first tour to our last, all stuff I collected on the [...]


Oh, Did You Need a Lunchtime Cry?

You know how sometimes we notify you that here is something you should really read but you should also be prepared, as there might be afternoon cubicle weeping if you proceed without caution? Well here you go! It's technically about insomnia. Really it's about stabbing you in the heart.


Philip Johnson: Not Just a Nazi, Also a Pig

"Philip Johnson used to say, 'We’re all going to go to the Century Club—the architects, but not their wives. And we're going to wear evening dress and we're going to talk about architecture.' So they invited Bob. The person who called said to me, 'I'm embarrassed to have reached you, Denise, I wanted Bob. You can't come to this meeting because you're a wife.'" —Haha, old asshole Philip Johnson strikes again, as recounted by the architect Denise Scott Brown, who was also married to an architect, Bob Venturi.


A Truly Terrible Story

"The letter on my desk was from a family, a husband and wife. They had written to me after reading a short news article I’d done about a 26-year-old convicted child molester who had been arrested that week and charged with raping a 14-year-old girl. The girl was their daughter. She had been raped by the man two months earlier but had been locked away in juvenile detention for more than a month—longer than her attacker had been in custody." —Here's what is probably the most upsetting story you'll ever hear.


Dear NYC Young People: You Never, Ever Call an Emergency Locksmith

Sooner or later in many a young person's life, he or she moves to New York City and is then fairly promptly locked out of his or her terrible first apartment late at night. When this happens, you young people should know, the answer is go sleep at a friend's house, or pick up someone in a bar and sleep at their house, or sleep in a park, even if it gets you hassled by a cop and it's 20 degrees out. This is what happens pretty much, without fail, when you call a locksmith at 1 a.m. We're sorry we didn't let you kids know this sooner. [...]


The Disaster of One Madison Park

My obsession, "One Madison Park," the super-skinny building that went up at the foot of Madison Ave. and 23rd Street, looming over Shake Shack, mostly full of full-floor apartments that we thought had been all bought up by rich Irish people (not rich any more!) and Arabs (some rich still!), has turned out to be a total shit-show in the finest New York tradition. This is a very bad scene. Now the co-builders are suing each other, the debt-holding bank is suing the builders for foreclosure, and there are also a dozen other lawsuits floating around. Some of the most fascinating stuff: when the builders couldn't sell units [...]