Posts tagged as Terrible Stories
A Truly Terrible Story
"The letter on my desk was from a family, a husband and wife. They had written to me after reading a short news article I’d done about a 26-year-old convicted child molester who had been arrested that week and charged with raping a 14-year-old girl. The girl was their daughter. She had been raped by the man two months earlier but had been locked away in juvenile detention for more than a month—longer than her attacker had been in custody." READ MORE
Do Not Talk to This Man if You See Him on the Street
"He had already told me a lunatic story about meeting a hooker who knew a gay porn actor who did security for Christina Aguilera and had knowledge of a transvestite that a Yankees star kept in an apartment on Central Park South. The gay porn actor also happened to be diddling a Hollywood director. Via this most exotic of connections, Howie claimed to have had a few conversations with the director, who had put him in touch with his agent at Creative Artists Agency. The agent stopped taking Howie's calls within the week." READ MORE
The Hurricane's Terrible Insult to the History of Metal
Won't you extend your lighters as we send out this classic power ballad to reality star, Broadway diva, hair metal frontman and "Gilmore Girls" player Sebastian Bach? For him, it's bad times, for a change. Real bad times: "Original Skid Row & KISS fans, I have bad news for you. Gone are irreplaceable items, such as my KISS Gargoyles from the 1979 tour. KISS pinball machine. Skid Row master tapes, video & audio, concerts, master tapes from Oh Say Can You Scream etc. Boxes & boxes of one of a kind Skid Row memorabilia, from the first tour to our last, all stuff I collected on the road that no one else had. I had a library in the basement with every single magazine that had Skid Row on the cover. This library took up a big part of the basement. All of this is lost now. We will salvage what we can of course. But how I wish there was a reason to do a box set or something before Hurricane Irene hit. Nobody cared. Now it's too late. Don't know what you got till it's gone, indeed. I have been holding on to my house since December, when my divorce papers were filed. I just could not let go of the only home I had ever known. Well, God has other plans for me it seems. He has made His decision for me. My home has been taken away by an 'Act Of God.'" READ MORE
Dear NYC Young People: You Never, Ever Call an Emergency Locksmith
Sooner or later in many a young person's life, he or she moves to New York City and is then fairly promptly locked out of his or her terrible first apartment late at night. When this happens, you young people should know, the answer is go sleep at a friend's house, or pick up someone in a bar and sleep at their house, or sleep in a park, even if it gets you hassled by a cop and it's 20 degrees out. This is what happens pretty much, without fail, when you call a locksmith at 1 a.m. We're sorry we didn't let you kids know this sooner. (Later we'll tell you about the deli sushi and some other things.)
Just Don't Offer Your Subway Seat to Not-Pregnant Women
"My sleepy mind slowly whirred to life and I scanned for reasons that a random stranger would offer me, a young and seemingly able-bodied person, her seat on a packed downtown 2 train at rush hour. If I were her I’d have clung to that choice seat so hard, someone would have to roll in with an iron lung before I would consider getting up. And even then I’d be real pissy about it, rolling my eyes and such. Then again, I am a terrible person, and maybe this girl was not. Maybe she was being sweet because I looked exhausted?" OH NO GIRL, THAT IS NOT WHY.
Oh, Did You Need a Lunchtime Cry?
You know how sometimes we notify you that here is something you should really read but you should also be prepared, as there might be afternoon cubicle weeping if you proceed without caution? Well here you go! It's technically about insomnia. Really it's about stabbing you in the heart.
The Disaster of One Madison Park
My obsession, "One Madison Park," the super-skinny building that went up at the foot of Madison Ave. and 23rd Street, looming over Shake Shack, mostly full of full-floor apartments that we thought had been all bought up by rich Irish people (not rich any more!) and Arabs (some rich still!), has turned out to be a total shit-show in the finest New York tradition. This is a very bad scene. Now the co-builders are suing each other, the debt-holding bank is suing the builders for foreclosure, and there are also a dozen other lawsuits floating around. Some of the most fascinating stuff: when the builders couldn't sell units back in the glory days of 2007, the builders brought on an ad guy. His fee? Two apartments and $800,000. Ladies, we are all in the wrong business. Annnnnd here comes the punchline: now, "about a dozen of the building's 90 condos are occupied." Oof.
Chris Muth, aka The Cat Man, is an American Hero
We can't really do any better than this, from The Brooklyn Paper. "A cat-loving Cobble Hill man whose valiant effort to save a lost feline last year was misinterpreted as the rantings of a crazy person has sued the hospital that medicated him in a way 'normally reserved for violent psychiatric patients.'" Oh? DO GO ON. "Mild-mannered Chris Muth was cat-sitting when he realized the pussy had plunged down a 30-foot shaft and was trapped. That's when Muth became a man consumed, a man who cared more for felines than his fellow man, he became... the Cat Man." Sure! AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED? "Cat Man barged into an unoccupied apartment in hopes of rescuing the trapped feline – but his derring-do came with a price. Someone called the cops. Upon arriving, the boys in blue were skeptical of Cat Man's claims that a mouser was trapped behind the wall. They thought that the frantic man was going through a psychotic episode, and hauled him to Long Island City Hospital." I know what you are thinking: How long before this exact same thing happens to me? Not long, probably! "Muth was eventually proven to be sane-regarding the cat at least. Rumi was indeed rescued by an animal control officer after 15 days. But by then, Cat Man had been declawed: His landlord kicked him out, he lost his job, and his girlfriend dumped him." Naturally. See you there, Cat Man!
