Yeah, listen up, hectoring Englishman: Everyone is sleep deprived. We live in a world of shiny devices flashing bright lights at us twenty-four hours a day. We are constantly being buzzed at on the phones we carry around with us like security blankets by inconsiderate friends or employers. Our background noise is rich women calling each other effing b's on the giant television screens we always have running to drown out the oppressive sounds of silence. Even our chewing gum has caffeine in it. So yes, we're all tired. Don't try to make us feel like shit because maybe we miss a couple of things on your stupid observation [...]
You know what, if you had a bunch of people from Science come to my house and lecture me about slumber I would probably fall fast asleep too.
The question "Could a low-salt diet help stop you snoring?" might just as easily be phrased as "Is life with a low-salt diet worth living?" although I suppose the answers to those questions would be wildly at odds.
"New research shows that sleep deprivation affects facial features such as the eyes, mouth and skin, and these features function as cues of sleep loss to other people. Researchers discovered that the faces of sleep-deprived individuals were perceived as having more hanging eyelids, redder eyes, more swollen eyes and darker circles under the eyes."
Do you lay awake some nights with the pillow clamped over your eyes to keep out the light from the streets, your breath labored as you try to set the racing thoughts at bay, listing numbers very slowly and almost drifting off before an errant fear jumps to the front of the line in your consciousness and snaps you back awake? Do you sigh to yourself and resume the slow count, knowing that it won't really work but trying all the same, because what else are you going to do, it's way too early to call it morning and you're already in short supply of sleep because everything you [...]
Apparently you can learn stuff in your sleep. I am always trying to figure out which Hemsworth brother is which, so if someone can arrange to help me get that sorted during naptime, super!
"Waking in the early hours… is something everyone does, but most people go instantly back to sleep. With insomniacs it is a chance for the brain—'a 24-hour thinking machine that sees wakefulness as Christmas'—to start racing; and the more you struggle against it, the worse it gets. The answer is not to seek refuge in blacked-out rooms or alcohol (one of his patients used to line up six shot glasses of vodka beside her bed), but to persuade the brain to take a break. One exercise he suggested was to focus on a single sense by asking yourself, say, 'What can I smell?'; if a thought tries to interrupt, banish [...]
"A new study shows that just one night of sleep deprivation increases morning blood concentrations of NSE and S-100B — molecules typically found in the brain. Researchers from Uppsala University in Sweden say the rise in concentration of these molecules in the blood may indicate that a lack of sleep may contribute to the loss of brain tissue."
Your head is full of garbage and sleeping helps you clear some of it out so you can go ahead and fill it with even more garbage when you wake up, over and over until you die, says Science.
Your Body Is Waking You In The Middle Of The Night To Tell You Something's Wrong, And Also You Might As Well Go To The Bathroom Now That You're Up
Do you find yourself waking up in the middle of the night for no reason? Maybe you're dying! Here's a bunch of shit to worry about.
"Do you sleep like a log? Or are you more of a yearner, a freefaller or a foetal? The position you choose while sleeping reveals a startling amount about your personality, according to body language expert Robert Phipps. Mr Phipps has identified four positions and says the foetal – most favoured by worriers – is by far the most common." —I guess it's no dumber than astrology.
"Investigators also discovered that staying awake for one complete night reduced the amount of energy used by the body when resting. This suggests that when we are sleep deprived we are likely to eat more calories because we are hungrier. This alone might cause us to gain weight over time. However sleep loss also means we burn off fewer calories which adds to the risk of gaining weight."
Is it possible that we've completely rewritten our understanding of how people have always lived? Sure it is! In 2001, historian Roger Ekirch of Virginia Tech published a seminal paper, drawn from 16 years of research, revealing a wealth of historical evidence that humans used to sleep in two distinct chunks.
His book At Day's Close: Night in Times Past, published four years later, unearths more than 500 references to a segmented sleeping pattern—in diaries, court records, medical books and literature, from Homer's Odyssey to an anthropological account of modern tribes in Nigeria.
TWO SLEEP SHIFTS A DAY! So I'm accidentally doing it right!
"Eight out of ten of us keep our mobiles on overnight… But experts are concerned about the effect this is having – at the very least it makes us 'hypervigilant' so our sleep is more likely to be disturbed and we end up not getting enough of the restorative sleep we need. But it might also trigger insomnia and other sleeping problems…. More controversially, there are suggestions that sleeping with your mobile by [...]
"A new study expands on the finding that sleep duration is linked to weight gain as researchers discovered the consistency of bedtime and wake time can also influence body fat. Brigham Young University exercise science professor Bruce Bailey studied more than 300 women from two major western U.S. universities over the course of several weeks and found that those with the best sleeping habits had healthier weights."
"Can weekend 'recovery sleep' make up for too little sleep during the work week? According to new research, not so much." But given how terrible people are in general, even the well-rested ones, maybe it is for the best if everyone walks around bleary-eyed and inattentive until we all fall into the tiny holes in the ground that we're bound to wind up in at the end anyway.
I don't want to stress you out or anything, but is there a possibility that you might die in your sleep tonight? Yes. Yes there is.
"The key to a perfect night's sleep is going to bed at exactly 10pm, wearing pyjamas and enjoying a cup of tea beforehand, according to a poll."