#1: Don't apologize for being late with a Starbucks latte in your hand.
— GS Elevator Gossip (@GSElevator) December 19, 2013
Last night, the author of the "parody twitter account" (*shudder*) called @GSElevator—that's short for Goldman Sachs Elevator, you see—was escorted out of the closet by Andrew Ross Sorkin.
To anyone who'd ever met anyone who worked at Goldman Sachs, it was obviously fiction, as in, made-up, invented, concocted. So was his writing on fashion and manhood at Business Insider: It was sometimes hilarious but almost never had the ring of truth. In recent times, the account has grown quieter and less specific, although apparently it [...]
IT'S LIKE THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL DAVID LYNCH FORGOT TO MAKE. And yes. UM IT'S GETTING A LITTLE WEIRD IN THERE, THEY'RE DRINKING OUT OF A FLASK.
In this one, the first 40 minutes are just the ladies on a rooftop in Williamsburg, throwing rotten vegetables at the 20-somethings below. Then Miranda does a $12-million Kickstarter to fund her new boutique law firm. Charlotte fires her household staff. Samantha has sex with some men. Carrie, now single, writes a column for XO Jane and, whilst picking up her $45 check in the office, meets Lena Dunham and then goes home and hangs herself. Sounds good, can't wait!
"Available in Ziricote, Macassar ebony, Ceylon satinwood, Amboyna burl, Olive ash burl, Macassar ebony with diamond pattern inlays, hand laid eggshell, goatskin, and stingray skin." (More LOLs here and here.)
When you are launching some weird new Tumblr about mind-melting gifs, definitely you should always hire the Taiwanese animators at Next Media to make a bizarre preview video for you. No, what is Reblorg really? It's for fun things you've made: "Our submission rules are simple: you must have made it, and it must be new."
"I went to the refreshment table to get something to drink and a cookie or two and all of a sudden one of the members yelled 'Look out!' Something large and black came by side [sic] and scratched against my leg," said Bob Hurst, of the Sons of Confederate Veterans.
—Do we need to talk further about not ever going to Florida?