Posts Tagged: Guest Op Ed

I Taught Jonah Lehrer Every Word He Knows About Love

From time to time, The Awl offers its space to everyday citizens with something to say.

I don’t want to get Jonah Lehrer in any more trouble than he’s in already, but I felt like I needed to come forward and warn Simon and Schuster about something that’ll piss them off royally if they hear about it later. You know that book proposal he was shopping where he wants to write about love and stuff? A lot of what’s in there, as described in The New York Times, is taken straight out of the notes, texts, and emails he sent me in high school, when he [...]


I've Become an Amazing Mom in the Six Hours I've Been Sober

From time to time we offer our space to normal, every-day people with opinions to share.

The bottles clinking in the bottom of the stroller, the shame of my own special sippy cups I'd sneak in the pumping booth at the office: it was all too much for me, so I stopped drinking six hours ago. Earlier today I was an alcoholic mom with a secret; now, I'm a proud mom in recovery, who's learned from her mistakes, with the help of my partner, Brechlin [not his real name], who threw me out of the house late last night but let me back in earlier this morning. I'm all better! [...]


The Myth Of The Constitutional "Right To Party"

From time to time The Awl offers its editorial space to those whose usual forums may be too crowded with similar material. Opinions are the writer's own; the Awl does not endorse these opinions.

This week, an antiquated collective has returned to revisit the popular, long-held contention that we, as Americans, have a constitutional guarantee to party without fear of regulation. This attempt to hijack the national conversation is the work of aging agitators making a last-gasp effort to sow confusion and increase the potential for chaos on a national level. Once again, America is faced with a grim declaration from an interest group determined to "fight" for its [...]


Why Minnesota Mothers Are Doing Pretty Good

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to common folk with something to say. Today's topic for discussion concerns the issue of parenting, a subject that has been in the news lately.

Nobody wonders how Minnesota parents raise such stereotypically stereotypical kids. They never wonder what these parents do to produce so many nice children or what it's like inside a nice family. Well, I can tell them anyway, because I've done it. If it's not too much trouble and you have a minute, here are some things my daughters, Jenny and Cristi, were never allowed to do:

• Skip doing their homework • Put their [...]


I Probably Shouldn't Have Said All Those Bad Things

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to folks from all walks of life who have something to get off their chests. Today a popular entertainer who has been in the news lately asks for forgiveness.

I'm not going to come out and make excuses or try to offer any kind of explanation in hopes of minimizing the terrible things you've heard me say on the apparently endless series of audiotapes my ex-girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva will be releasing until the end of time. I said all those terrible things. It doesn't matter if it was in the heat of the moment, it's not important if I was [...]


Why Bros Get Iced, Bro

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to common folk with something to say. This is one such time, in which a fratty bro of our acquaintance explains what exactly is going on with bros. Spoiler: It's not good!

You may have heard about this new thing the kids–white males in their 20s, mostly–are doing? DRINKING SMIRNOFF ICE, AGAINST THEIR WILL, AT RIDICULOUSLY INOPPORTUNE TIMES. Seriously.


How to Shovel Fucking Snow

There has been a lot of talk of snow on this blog of late. And while I know most New Yorkers don't shovel a flake of snow, many in D.C. and other locales own are underwater on condos, houses and town-homes. Also, maybe some newly underemployed i-banker is now the super of your building and needs to know how to shovel fucking snow. Anyway, knowing how to shovel snow is a useful skill. I have shoveled literal shit-tons of snow in my life so here's how.

First, chug a fucking glass of red wine.


We Must Stop This Fourth "Jurassic Park" Movie

From time to time, we offer up this space for everyday New Yorkers with a point of view on the issues of the day.

It's a big week, with gay marriage up before those old fuckfaces in the Supreme Court, with hackers trying to take down our Netflix accounts, and with old straight men confessing their love of high-heeled boots and also apparently doing dudes during their midlife crisis. What an era in which we live! By which I mean, the Cenozoic. But more importantly, weighing heavily on all our minds, is the forthcoming Jurassic Park 4, which is expected to hit theaters next summer, which will be my first [...]


I Enjoy Being A Lesbian

From time to time, the Awl offers its space to members of the community with an interesting viewpoint on current events. Today we hear from a lesbian blogger who wants you to know what her experiences are like.

You know what I really like? Cats, knitting, my blog and the Indigo Girls. But that's not all there is to being a lesbian, which I am. In a lot of ways, we're just like everyone else. Let me tell you a little bit about my day! It's probably not too dissimilar to yours.


I Am an Oppressed Minority White Man and I Am Upset

From time to time, but mostly on Fridays, when we're tired, The Awl gives over its editorial space to everyday citizens with a point of view. Opinions do not reflect yadda yadda, disclaimer disclaimer.

What the CNN says, for once, is true, buddy: We white folk, which is to say, non-Italians and non-Jews who look like white people, have on the front of their heads the new faces of racial discrimination. And everyone knows it: "A recent Public Religion Research Institute poll found 44% of Americans surveyed identify discrimination against whites as being just as big as bigotry aimed at blacks and other minorities." Finally someone said it, [...]


Stop Making Fun Of The Hulk

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to folks from all walks of life who have something to get off their chests. Today we bring you a heartfelt request from an itinerant scientist.

I'm Bruce Banner, and I'm writing to ask politely that the recent spate of Twitter feeds based on the persona of the monster that is the Hulk suspend publication. I refer specifically to the so-called Feminist Hulk and the so-called Drunk Hulk, but I include by this reference the field of so-called Hulks that seem to be growing unchecked like kudzu.


Help Me, For I Have Pine Mouth!

From time to time, The Awl offers space to ordinary citizens to discuss their bizarre medical issues. This is one such time!

As if we don't have enough to worry about! As a species, we no longer have natural predators (well, aside from BP and the Tea Partiers), but we have a host of what Tricky might have dubbed Post-Millennium Tension. Is the Internet going to make me dumb? Are The Machines going to kill me? Am I drinking too much, or more importantly, the right drinks? Will the Red Wings re-sign Nick Lidstrom? Am I taking the appropriate drugs to cope with all [...]


Did You Get Our Message Yesterday?

From time to time, The Awl offers space to ordinary, everyday people to deliver commentary on the issues of the day.

"Many traders said computer program trades accelerated the slide as market indexes fell through crucial levels." -A barely literate human assessment of yesterday's two-minute market panic.

We are Wall Street. It's our job to make money. We didn't hear you humans complaining when the Dow went up 3000 points in the last nine months.


Do You Think Wimpy Was Just Asking For Any Kind of Hamburger?

From time to time, The Awl offers its space to normal, everyday people with a perspective on national issues. Today, we're pleased to bring you this report by Jeff Johnson, who, after reading Padgett Powell and recent reports on Popeye's spinach abuse, realized that he has some questions about Wimpy. Should you somehow answer all of his questions in a comment, he will buy you a Shake Shack hamburger next Tuesday. No fibbing. Shake Shack is not affiliated with this promotion.

Were you familiar with the character Wimpy in the cartoon Popeye? Did a comic strip better convey, perhaps, Wimpy's-Depression-era desperation when it came to begging albeit [...]


I Want To Know What's Wrong With Being An Internet Troll

From time to time, The Awl offers its space to everyday citizens with something to say.

In light of a recent gripping narrative I wrote about air travel I have been hearing a lot of complaints about "internet trolling."

"Henry only wrote this to get attention," some people said. "This is a new low, even for Henry," Twitter users complained. "How does this dumb fuck even [...]


'60 Minutes' Legend Declares 2012 Tea Party Candidacy

Did you ever notice that from time to time The Awl offers its editorial space to citizens with a point of view? It's true, we totally do. Today we hear from a man with a lot on his mind.

I watched the Republican debate on Fox the other night. It was in Iowa. I've been to Iowa so I can tell you a thing or two about corn. Corn isn't all that different from politics; both of them flourish in cow flop. No wonder presidential campaigns always start in Iowa.

But the debate, if you can call it that, made me realize that there are a lot [...]


I Have A Sickness: A Doritos Sickness

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to common folk with something to say. Today, the subject of a documentary which appeared during last night's Super Bowl discusses his strange compulsion.

I hear the hatred. I am aware of the mockery and the fear. How could it be otherwise? I’ve known it all my life. People point at me on the street in equal parts pity and disgust. Mothers will cross dangerous intersections, children in tow, in hopes of avoiding me. My employment history is an entirely predictable picture of vicissitude; I am hired, I spend a couple of weeks on the job, and then HR finds [...]


Please Don't Get The Wrong Idea About Our Amazing Output

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to folks from all walks of life who have something to get off their chests. Today we offer a captain of industry the chance to make an important statement about his product, which has sustained some unfortunate damage-through no fault of its own-in the news lately.

I don't have to tell you that I've been a little glum, a little down in the mouth lately. Old friends who used to greet me with rapturous joy and voluminous explosions of pleasure at the very promise of my appearance have started to avoid me. It almost feels like they'd rather be doing [...]


Fine, I'll Talk

From time to time, we offer free editorial space to common folk with something to say. Today a famous author discusses her reasons for remaining silent for so many years.

I know there's all sorts of excitement about the 50th anniversary of my only book, To Kill a Mockingbird. And I understand that with all of these celebrations there will once again be plenty of attention paid to the fact that I'm a private person who has refused to give an interview for many years. I have, over that time, made peace with the whole thing. You learn to, after a while.


Hey, Congress Squares, Don't Water Down This Finance Reform Thing, Huh? By Eddie Money

From time to time, the Awl offers space to average citizens with important perspectives on national issues. This is one such time!

Hey, baby. It's me, Eddie Money, here to rap at you about the financial regulatory reform bill being proposed by Connecticut senator Chris Dodd at the behest of the Obama administration. And more specifically, the danger of its getting weakened by congressional compromise.