Posts tagged as Christmas
Wall-Rubber Lacks Mirth
"Mariah Carey in a pornographic Father Christmas costume rubbing herself up against a wall without laughing – says it all really."
Family Dresses Funny
You could view this report as the heartwarming tale of a family brought together by its tradition of dressing up in comical holiday outfits, yearly proof that despite the passage of time and the differences that come between us as we grow and change, Christmas stills retain the magic of our earliest childhood memories, when all was wonder and joy. In fact, that is exactly how I suggest you view it, because the alternative—the story of a group of adults held hostage by a megalomaniac matriarch whose need to humiliate her spouse and offspring on a yearly basis is probably driven by resentment and regret over the paths her life never took while she gave up the best years of her life to her family—is just too grim to contemplate. And too real.
A Possible Cure For The Christmas Song Blues
I was in a CVS last night buying smoked almonds and dental floss—yes, yes, it's all rather glamorous over here—when "Most Wonderful Time of the Year," a song which never fails to send me into paroxysms of depression, started playing. I had somehow managed to avoid it thus far, but now I have the Christmas sad. I am going to try to listen to these actually great Christmas songs to cheer myself up, but sometimes it's just hard.
Our Holiday Gift Guide for Extremely Rich People
Christmas is nearly upon us. Are you prepared? Let us help with this guide to gifting for every occasion. All of the gifts here are certified by us as things that people actually would truly like to receive this holiday season. (Hint, hint.) READ MORE
Media Dont's For The Holidays
"On no account are you to publish that execrable article on the estimated cost of the gifts ion 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.' Whoever gets assigned to writ it every year patently did something very, very bad in a previous life. If you have been guilty of publishing that thing in the past, do not compound your sin." READ MORE
A Brief Christmas Memory
As mentioned previously, the Christmases of my youth were spent sleeping over at my grandparents' house. This memory comes from what Wikiepedia assures me was 1987—which simultaneously seems like moments ago and an eternity back. I had just turned 15, and was suffering from that terrible curse of teenagerdom where you are worried that it is kind of lame to be spending time with the people who love you best and wishing you were somewhere else. One of the tragedies of our lives is how much we miss out on because we think there's something more interesting happening wherever were aren't; it is a lesson always learned too late. READ MORE
The Feel-Good, Feel-Bad Story of the Year
This is a lovely holiday story, about Jabbar Collins, who seems to have been quite clearly set up for a murder conviction by the Brooklyn District Attorney's office. He may not have! Time will tell! Because we'll hear more about this story in another Christmas or two, which will likely end when Collins gets a really big, big payout for the 15 years he spent in prison.
This Cat F'ing LOVES Opening Christmas Presents
CHIP THE CHRISTMAS CAT IS READY TO OPEN YOUR PRESENTS NOW, RIGHT NOW, GIVE IT HERE.
Islamic Group Not Exactly Filled With Holiday Spirit
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me an STD. On the second day debt, on the third day, rape, the fourth teenage pregnancies and then there was abortion, raves, claiming God has a son, blasphemy, exploitation, promiscuity, night clubs, crime, paedophilia, paganism, domestic violence, homelessness, violence, vandalism, alcohol, drugs."
