IT'S LIKE THE CHRISTMAS SPECIAL DAVID LYNCH FORGOT TO MAKE. And yes. UM IT'S GETTING A LITTLE WEIRD IN THERE, THEY'RE DRINKING OUT OF A FLASK.
"Celebrity chef Simon Rimmer has created the world's most luxurious cat food featuring roasted duck, lobster sushi roll and Beluga caviar." —I haven't watched this all the way through, so I suppose it's possible that right at the end he has some clarifying realization about the implications of everything he's spent the last five minutes doing and, in a moment of repentance for the horrors over which he has just presided, stabs himself with one of his kitchen knives, but again, I didn't stay until the finish to see, so it's also possible that he did not.
"'Socializing' a cat that’s been living on the streets takes a tremendous amount of commitment, and many are beyond it—as Ludacris says, you can’t turn a ho into a housewife—and there are too many of them for the shelters to take in and let linger."
Cats are weird little creatures that we invite into our homes, even though they are armed with sharp bits that can rend our skin and poke out our eyeballs. They crap in boxes of sand, and they shed fur everywhere unless they're hairless, in which case you've got a whole other host of problems to deal with. They eat disgustingly stinky food, occasionally puke up hairballs, and go through phases of inexplicable 5 a.m. yowling. It's no wonder cat lovers are so defensive and neurotic and absolutely obsessed. Perhaps we have Stockholm syndrome.
In a world where people watch TV shows dedicated to legit DSM diagnoses, it was a no-brainer [...]
I think it's good to have a pet animal. I know there are people starving and war and stuff and we should probably focus on humans, but pets are highly therapeutic for a lot of people who are lonely or don't relate to other humans very well, and while I am not exactly a huge fan of those depressing abused-animal commercials with the Wendie Malick voiceover on TV, there are lots of abandoned animals that would make good pets for people. Mostly dogs, I think? Dogs are the most popular pet, yes? I mean, maybe fish could outnumber 'em on a pet-to-owner ratio, but if you did it on a [...]
Here, at "Shine from Yahoo!," you will find the most amazing use of the Internet.
It is a slideshow. It is a slideshow about cats. It lists the "10 most popular kitten names." From whence does this data come? "We culled our records and came up with the a [sic] current list of the 10 most popular cat names." So, did I mention it's a slideshow? The pictures in the slideshow are just OF RANDOM CATS. Not even actual cats who have those allegedly "most popular names." NOT EVEN CATS WHO ARE UP FOR ADOPTION OR ANYTHING. Not even very GOOD cats. Just plain cats.
The slideshow also [...]
"Several photogenic felines from the five boroughs are featured in the traveling 2013 Internet Cat Video Festival, landing in Brooklyn Friday."
"A lot of men, they don't even want to try [cats] because they don't think it's macho."
"In the west shall be born a twin-headed beast while a dual-pastry fusion ascends in the east" is what Nostradamus might have written about all the stupid stuff going on in the news right now if he really had the ability to see into the future. Anyway, the signs are all there: a kitty with a pair of faces, a monstrous amalgam of donut and crossiant… we are opening all the seals, people. This will not end well.
"A cat has been found trying to enter a prison in Russia, with mobile phones taped to its stomach." I am not much of a cat fan, but I have to say, this photo is astounding.
I know they are trying to make James Bond more contemporary and all, but I think this is going a little too far.
Is this the loudest cat in the world? Sure, why the hell not. I should warn you to be careful with this one: this purr gets weirdly hypnotic toward the end, so if you haven't had your coffee yet you might find yourself drifting off. Also, good lord, has this been the longest week ever or what? [Via]
"Why go after the cat ladies and the veterinary hospital that has brought life to the hapless, ugly, hopelessly false Largo Argentina rather than pick on the big developers who have done real damage?" —Wait, did you also miss this the other week, about the battle over cats in Rome, and also fascism, architecture, sexism, machismo, politics and everything else? It's amazing.
Since 1945, man has been shoving air conditioners through his windows. Despite our fears, very rarely is someone wounded by a falling air conditioner. We have the technology. We have mastered gravity. It's time to shove our cats out the windows.
If we can put a cat in space, which we have been doing since 1963, we can put a cat box outside our space, and therefore end our suffering at the hands (??) of our cats. (Our cat's butts, I guess.)
We're edging slowly closer to this goal.
Do cats always land on their feet? It depends what height you drop them from.
A note in Barbara Pym's diary instructs: "Read some of Jane Austen's last chapters and find out how she manages all the loose ends." Next entry, a fairly typical one: "The Riviera Cafe, St. Austell is decorated in shades of chocolate brown. Very tasteless, as are the cakes." This was written in 1952. She was 38, had published two novels, Some Tame Gazelle and the resplendent Excellent Women, and was at work on the next. It had taken 15 years of dutiful revising and circulating it around for Some Tame Gazelle to find a publisher. During the rewrites she had tried to heed her agent's advice to "be more wicked, [...]
Though I am no longer by any metric young, this year I've taken to heart a lot of Choire's advice to young people on the subject of "operators, divas, drama queens, vampires, bitter underminers and soulless careerists." To those categories one of my other favorite advice-givers, Nancy Hawkins, would propose an addition, or at least a subset: the pisseur de copie.
Mrs. Hawkins, the young widow narrator of Muriel Spark's A Far Cry from Kensington is probably best known for her diet tips: “It’s easy to get thin. You eat and drink the same as always, only half. If you are handed a plate of food, leave half; [...]