Fairest of the fur she isn’t.
“I need to return this cat.” I plop Miss Amrowica on the counter.
The volunteer graciously frowns. “If there’s something we — ”
“It doesn’t get enough likes.”
“It — it what?”
“Single-digit likes, and I’ve got the new iPhone and everything!” I do a real-life imitation of ¯_(ツ)_/¯.
“Did you — ”
“Kitty tiara, kitty collar and tie, kitty bunny ears, there’s nothing I haven’t tried!” My eyes narrow. “Cat’s a dud.”
“Meow,” says Miss Amrowica.
“When you signed the adoption form, you agreed to treat your animal companion as a member of your family.” Her tone is factual rather than argumentative.
“When I threw away 50 bucks on this lemon, it came with a four week no-questions-asked return guarantee.” It’s not as if I didn’t give the purry ball of love-but-no-likes the full month.
Another staffer approaches. “Did you try ‘Like & share or the cat gets it’?” He smiles broadly as the crassness of it washes over me. “We do it all the time,” he adds.
I tap, tap, tap on my screen, tap tap tap. “I’ll wait,” I tell them.
Hours later I’m scratching behind Miss Amrowica’s ears one last time.
“Mew,” says some other loser’s cat-to-be.