Tuesday, October 21st, 2014
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The Beatles Never Existed

beatlessss

This is a serious subject, not a joke, and this site is here to expose the actions of those who exploited these young men and defrauded us their fans. It is to defend the honor of everyone involved who did not take part in it willingly. It has become apparent to us in this extensive and painstaking research that there were never just four individual people known as "John", "Paul", "George", and "Ringo" who comprised one Rock & Roll band known as "The Beatles", and rose to fame as the world's first supergroup. For all intents and purposes as far as we can tell, no one such group ever existed.

The Beatles Never Existed Dot Com

The Paul-Is-Dead meme has been kicking around for decades now, based on discrepancies in certain photos and fueled by the free-floating paranoia of the White Album; Paul looks a bit taller in the later photos, it turns out, and maybe the Abbey Road cover looks a bit like a funeral procession. The only reasonable explanation, the theory goes, is that Paul was killed in 1966 and replaced by a double, canonically known as William Campbell.

But recently, a site has suggested taking the theory one step further. If there was no Paul—that is, no singular person responsible for the musical output of "Paul McCartney" between 1942 and the present—then there couldn't really be a Beatles either. Everyone had to be in on it, which suggests they were either doubles themselves or sufficiently threatened by the threat of double-replacement that they kept quiet about it all. The Beatles as we know them, the four smiling lads having a great time playing music and being famous, never existed. It was all just a parade of doubles, orchestrated by a sinister British music establishment.

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Getting Personal with Jonathan Katz

jonathankatzInterviewing Jonathan Katz is an interesting experience, especially when doing so over the phone. After all, most of us know him from the animated sitcom he created, wrote and voiced in the 90’s, Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist. This year marks the 20th anniversary of the series and is being celebrated with the release of a new album, Dr. Katz Live. Speaking to Katz over the phone was like talking to the Doctor himself. In fact, at times I caught myself opening up to him as if I were in an actual therapy session. Perhaps this is from his inquisitive nature and because he was genuinely interested in learning more about me as well.

As mentioned on his website, Katz’s comedy is not for everybody. It took him time to find his audience, but once he did, he established himself as a brilliant (and very dry) comedian. I recorded my conversation with him as I always do with interviews, to make sure I didn’t miss anything and in listening back on our conversation, I realized that I initially missed out on some of his humor. There were many moments, that that I never “got” until the second listening. Like the rest of the world, it took some time, but while I was a fan of the show before, now I’m an even bigger fan of the real guy. After you read our conversation, come back and read it again. I promise you’ll appreciate him even more the second time. READ MORE

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Todd Terje, "Delorean Dynamite (for sale)"

A song that you can enjoy aesthetically or for its cheery thesis: That music is a subset of advertising.

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"Ringo Starr Is The New Face Of Skechers."

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Cosmic Moans, Ranked


10. Neptune moan
9. Earth moan 2 ("song")
8. Uranus moan
7. Saturn ring moan
6. Jupiter moan
5. Saturn moan
4. Earth moan 1 ("voice")
3. Miranda moan
2. IO moan (moon-moan)
1. Uranus ring moan

(via Consequence of Sound)

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New York City, October 19, 2014

★★★★ The apartment door banged in its frame where it stood, and howling sounds came from down the hallway. Time to switch to socks that would cover the ankles. Sunlit pieces of plant fluff flared and veered in the forecourt. The pigeon spikes on the near wall were a glittering battlement. Food trucks flanked the Apple Store. Birds twittered over the generator throb. "That is not a ice cream truck!" the three-year-old said. The shortness of the afternoon was palpable. Down by Canal Street, a paper or foam plate soared up and then dived down to bounce off the windshield of a Mercedes. A foam mesh fruit sleeve rolled around on the sidewalk. The shiny parts of the Empire State Building caught the lowering sun and shimmered in the distance.

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Shabazz Palaces, "Motion Sickness"

A narrative video for one of the more accessible tracks on the excellent Lese Majesty, which I've been coming back to again and again over the last couple months (see previously: #CAKE).

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Perverts & Prisons: Madeleine Holden on John Grisham

_56717160_jex_1233818_de27-1The internet throngs daily with bad opinions, but every few weeks an argument will emerge that’s so thoroughly wrongheaded and deeply reprehensible that we're all forced to engage with it. Last week it came in the form of statements made during an interview with once-popular crime novelist John Grisham. Grisham, in case you missed it, issued a suspiciously impassioned defence of middle-aged white men who are imprisoned for accessing child sex abuse images, arguing that these men are harmless because they don’t physically touch children and should therefore be receiving more lenient punishment; and and if that sounds like an alarming position for a best-selling author and lawyer to hold, that's because it is. Grisham’s stomach-dropping defence of white sex offenders his age has rightly enraged advocates for child abuse victims (as well as most other basically decent people), and while he has since apologized for his statements in the wake of widespread criticism, the damage is more or less done. Here's a rundown of the most galling elements of Grisham’s wholly indefensible thesis: READ MORE

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Modern Experience Rendered Accurately

Who do you identify with? Is it one of the many Waldos? All of the Waldos? The guy relaxing briefly at the axis? The unstoppable spinning prism itself? One of the few people who, at the very beginning, runs and then jogs and then walks out of frame?

The object label for this installation (via Chuck Anderson) reads:

Crowd dynamics test using Miarmy for Maya.
Shows the new servo force feature which allows struggling animation once the agent has become dynamic
Rendered with Arnold

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The New York City Tourism Association Thanks You for Visiting the Apple Store

People drop things on the Internet and run all the time. So we have to ask. In this edition, Slate Assistant Editor Miriam Krule tells us more about intergenerational information transfer at the Apple store in Grand Central Terminal.

Miriam! So what happened here?

I was heading to Connecticut to celebrate the festival of huts out in the wilderness. My ride had fallen through, so I was taking the train, but the only one that worked for various boring logistical reasons was essentially midday. My parents live in New Jersey, so even though I grew up in New York, I’ve spent very little time in Grand Central Station and didn’t exactly think things through, figuring I could work from there in the morning. I found a nice quiet corner, only to realize that there’s no magical train station Wi-Fi (coincidentally this was as news of “Wi-Fi is a human right” was blowing up). Just as I was about to cave and pay for it (aka, look for a Starbucks), I saw an Apple Wi-Fi option and basically searched for a strong connection and ended up in the Apple Store, which I had no idea existed. (For future reference, it’s on this majestic balcony overlooking the main floor. Also, it’s impossible to miss.)

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"A pregnant unwed mother can’t use Facebook alone to notify the father about the baby before putting the child up for adoption, Oklahoma’s highest civil court has ruled."

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Counselor, World Traveler, Wrangler of Young Jews: A Hiring History

On the last day of Camp FirewoodCamp counselor: In the days of yore, when I was eighteen, I chased 6 and 7 year old children around five days week for eight weeks for one thousand dollars. At the end of everyday they got in the cars of their grownups and drove away and I listened to Dar Williams over and over (ON CASSETTE TAPE). I discovered her after our camp music director played “The Babysitter’s Here” on her guitar. I also made out with another counselor a lot, and then drove at high speeds from their house at five in the morning so I could be at work the next day. As you do.

Wrangler of Young Jews

Job A: I moved to the Midwest for four years to try and convince students at a small liberal arts college, infamous for performance art and communal kitchens and organ playing, that being Jewish was important. It was a fractious community, full of bright, rare, thoughtful humans who came to encompass my entire existence. In the best moments, we read the racy passages in romance novels aloud to one another in the dining hall, watched TV together in the dorm lounges, and crammed into my tiny, beloved apartment to eat snacks and laugh. In the worst, I felt isolated and more than a little crazy. READ MORE

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Your Ebola Halloween Costume: A User's Guide

So you're doing "Ebola" for your halloween costume this year. You've found a topical novelty outfit online, or maybe you've just purchased some cheap and readily available medical clothing, knowing that your peers will have no problem guessing what it's supposed to represent.

But "Ebola" is going to be a very popular costume this year. You're not the only person who heard about this epidemic on the news! If you want to stand out—if you want to be the star of the party, by evoking Ebola hemorrhagic fever—you need to study up. Here are some helpful facts that you can recite to your friends in order to give your Ebola costume that extra dimension of authenticity.

• Ebola kills quickly and painfully. There is no known cure, or vaccine, and the best available treatment in most cases, according to the CDC, is "providing intravenous fluids (IV) and balancing electrolytes (body salts)."

• Ebola is characterized, early on, by fever, weakness, headache and diarrhea. This is followed by hemorrhaging and near-total loss of responsiveness.

• Direct contact with infected patients is the primary mode of transmission for Ebola. Therefore, this disease is most dangerous to the people who choose to provide treatment to the afflicted. Many, many medical professionals have died trying to give care and slow the spread of this terrifying disease.

• Ebola has spread most profoundly in Guinea, Liberia, and Sierra Leone, where a paucity of medical and emergency infrastructure has allowed the disease to spiral out of control. (Don't worry: These places are all at least 4,000 miles away from the nearest American Halloween parties.) Facilities that do exist have been largely overwhelmed, creating hellish scenes of suffering.

• Many of the people fighting this disease do not have access to necessary PPE (Personal Protective Equipment)—equipment that you will be wearing, either in real or replicate form, to a sports bar or fraternity party on October 31st. (Careful: The CDC says that proper PPE "significantly reduces the body’s normal way of getting rid of heat by sweating," increasing the risk of dehydration and heat-related illnesses.)

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Upon closer inspection of the shelves, he noticed that the rear wall stopped short, a couple of inches from the other side, suggesting a gap in between. He peered lower. There was a pinpoint hole in the rear wall. Below it, a toothpick lay on the shelf. Deputy Davis, 43, stuck the toothpick in the hole.

The toothpick pressed a hidden button that released a large magnet that kept a secret compartment locked. Deputy Davis lifted the front of the row of shelves like you would the trunk of a small car, and inside were rows and rows, all different brands, of contraband. Not narcotics or pills, but unopened packs of cigarettes, perfectly legal in the state in which they were bought, but not here. Hence the secret compartment.

You might be wondering: How much are cigarettes from state to state, such that bodegas—forty-eight percent of those inspected by police—stock illegal cigarettes as a matter of course?

What a marvelous excuse to highlight the Awl's annual state-by-state cigarette price index. As the Awl's summer intern discovered a couple months ago, Virginia, where most of the contraband cigarettes seem to come from, sits squarely in the nexus of close and cheap, at $5.25 a pack, making it tied with Missouri for the cheapest cigarettes in the nation.

Light one up for poor Ahmed.

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New York City, October 16, 2014

weather review sky 101614★★★ A soaking rain, lingering from overnight, went off and on before shutting fully off at midday. From the west, the sky began to go blue. The once-fetid air had cooled. The clouds kept dissolving till there was blue shining in the puddles. The sidewalk tables went into service for lunch. Finally the clouds were nothing but gorgeous piles of light and shadow, pure harmless scenery.

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Spell Book of Beauty

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I’ve talked about makeup as magic before—it bleeds through my work. Sometimes I take the message literally and make beauty a ritual to do in the dark. And you know, it’s always worked, even if not entirely in the ways you would expect it to. Here are a few of my favorite spells.

For Recovery & Purification
I do this in the dark times where I relapse into “It was my fault” territory, when I am preoccupied with what I could haves and should haves and what my demons are doing now. Take some clove and burn it in a stone bowl, put it on the ground and start walking in triangle around it. Point, point, point. Walk. I do this until my mind is clear, until things get smaller and quieter. You have to unfocus, dear one. Point, walk. Point, walk. Point, walk. Continue until calm, and the clove is halfway gone. Mix a drop of rosemary oil, myrrh, sandalwood and camelia into a base of your choice, olive oil works fine. Cleanse your face in a circular motion with lukewarm water, then in circular points with your oil, then downwards and out. For as long as necessary. Breathe in the following exercises while reciting the following words internally as affirmation and spellwork: It was not my fault. I am here, now. That’s all, just those words. You can think something else, if you need to. But observe how kind you can be to yourself, all alone. Your skin feels a bit warmer now, you know? Fuller, and quieter. Get familiar with your skin, the contours and bumps it might hold. Press the points of your bones and recognize how strong they are, to keep up all this turmoil. How strong. Hands pink with kindness flowing out through your palms. Keep going. Keep going. You’re fine. You have so much time. Stop when the clove burns out.

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This Week in Lines: Some Things in Life Are Kinda Free

IMG_01171:34 PM Wednesday, October 15th — Free donuts for the Dough opening
Location: 14 West 19th Street
Length: A hundred and ninety-two people with inner Homer Simpsons
Weather: 77 and partly cloudy
Crowd: Local office-workers, for whom a free donut is probably the highlight of their week
Mood: Excited enough to make me question whether or not these people need anymore sugar in their systems
Wait time: Fifty minutes
Lingering question: How long can one function at work after consuming a Dulce de Leche donut? READ MORE

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The Need to Make Believe

The last thing I made was my bed. Soon I will make some toast, and later today I will make plans for this weekend. We all make things, abstract and actual, every day. Some people just make do and others make deals, but we all make believe. That capacity for fiction serves us well, though sometimes too well.

One of my favorite songs from the fifties is about that beautiful but beguiling ability to pretend things are other than the way they are. Why accept the end of a relationship when you can pretend it never happened? I've listened to many covers of "Making Believe," one of those songs that artists just can't stop covering, but it's the shaky sincerity in Kitty Wells's voice that makes me love her version most. Her sadness is so, so sweet that it's never enough to listen once; you want to hear the song over and over again, even though you know every time that it's sad to make believe for so long—tragic to refuse to accept that someone has stopped loving you.

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Do Not Roast the Squash

squaaaash

Trends and memes may be on the side of fall and winter squash—I dare you to find a single vendor without some variety of pumpkin foodstuff between September and December—but I rue the transition from light, delicate, and fresh summer squash, like zucchini, to heavy, sugary, and starchy winter squash, like acorn, pumpkin, delicata, butternut, and, of course, pumpkin. The most common way to eat winter squash, the one I see at potlucks and on restaurant menus alike, is actually the worst: a simple PC&R (peel, cube, and roast).

This is a very good way to cook almost any vegetable, but a bad way to cook winter squash. Summer squashes are typically eaten young, while the seeds and skins are still soft and edible—even raw—while winter squashes have been allowed to grow to a mature stage, so they are hardier; their flesh is dense and sweet and their skin tough and sometimes warty. This makes them very resistant to winter temperatures, but their texture makes people think they can be treated like potatoes or sweet potatoes, with a PC&R. Nope.

I have tried every possible way to PC&R winter squash: I have par-boiled; I have sous-vided; I have covered in aluminum foil; I have experimented with every possible temperature and timing and size and shape and amount of oil. My final conclusion is that there is no good way to PC&R a butternut squash or pumpkin. The pleasure of a roasted starchy vegetable is in the crispy exterior and pillowy interior, but this does not happen to winter squash—the only thing it does well in the oven is turn to mush.

This is all not to say that there are no good ways to eat winter squashes. That very tendency to turn to mush can be embraced. The squash is mush. Let it be mush. This means transforming it into soups, sauces, and purees, where the winter squash’s mushiness and heaviness become creaminess and richness. Here’s how to cook them properly.

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The Uncanny Language of Medical Instagram

A few months ago a friend showed me a story about an app called Figure 1. It was billed as "Medicine’s Answer to Instagram," and had apparently just raised a couple million dollars. I downloaded it. I am not a doctor, nor did I claim to be one when I signed up. I checked "Journalist" from the "Non-Healthcare Professional" menu. This got me in on a sort of limited basis (selecting "Other" would have worked too). I couldn't post—that's for pros—but I could see everything.

To a "Non-Healthcare Professional" the main Figure 1 feed is shocking. It's an infinite scroll of graphic medical photos—growths, infections, fractures, rashes, traumatic injuries, birth defects. I've had the app for a few months but I can rarely bring myself to open it. This is stuff that doctors either want to show their colleagues or need help with, so it's full of superlatives and oddities. Anyone know what this is? Seen this before? Got a diagnosis? Nope! Sure don't. But I'm here, somehow, in the room with you.

The question of consent is immediate. Nothing, affliction-wise, is off limits—it's all there, and the question of how it got there is unavoidable. (The app hosts over a million new pictures a day.) The matter of consent is deeply designed into the app and its terms of service. The company's recommendations are clear. "Before sharing online," the company says, "protect your patients’ privacy by removing their identifying information. On Figure 1, we ask you to remove 18 identifiers (which have been drawn from HIPAA) and provide you with the tools to do so. Use these tools to keep your patients’ identities safe." There are paid moderators who monitor these things.

The company is also clear about what the app is for—education, sharing with other doctors—and matters of consent:

Above all else, you should always apply the same ethical principles you use in your practice to what you post online. Avoid saying anything about a patient online that you would not say in front of them.

If you are posting an image to Figure 1, you may need written consent from the patient (depending on your jurisdiction and workplace). Figure 1 provides a country-specific consent form right in the app. Alternately, there are written consent forms available at most institutions. Know the consent rules that apply to you and follow them with respect toward your patients.

The app itself presents doctors with a default touchscreen consent form, which they in turn present to their patients. It looks something like this: Screenshot from iMedicalApps.

The language here is exact. It's short enough for a patient to read and can be represented fairly in a short bedside conversation that might go something like this: "Would it be OK with you if I shared photos of your condition with my colleagues? We use an app—it's like Instagram for doctors—where we share interesting information and ask for additional opinions." I could imagine saying yes to that, as, say, my index finger dangled from my hand by a thin strip of skin. I would also understand, intuitively, that having a sorted, up-to-date feed of recent field-specific photos, with conversations and context attached, could be useful to my doctor and others. Or to students.

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