Thursday, July 10th, 2014

What $2000 Gets You in Brownstone Brooklyn

Charming and unique large one bedroom in landmarked brownstone – extremely bright, 10 high sloped ceilings, SKYLIGHT in each room – no side windows, original hardwood floors*, renovated kitchen and bathroom, no side windows. Located on a prime block in Brooklyn Heights, no side windows, Blocks from all major MTA subway lines, no side windows.


Short distance to the Promenade and the Brooklyn Bridge, Restaurant Row on Smith Street, shopping on Court Street, no side windows, Atlantic Street and Montague Street, no side windows. Minutes to Manhattan, Wall Street and Midtown, NO SIDE WINDOWS.

*no side windows

14 Comments / Post A Comment

David Roth (#4,429)

In earnest, beyond the fact that this apartment appears to be located two miles below the earth: how is this a legal rental?

allyzay (#321)

@David Roth Yeah…unless something has changed pretty recently or there's something significant I'm missing there's no fire exit, this is 100% illegal and I am kind of shocked it is being professionally represented.

Also it is clearly not 2 miles below the earth, THERE IS A SKYLIGHT, DUH.

John Herrman (#8,286)


@David Roth : Wait, but there is a door on the floorplan, so now I understand even less. Maybe it's a converted attic? But the ceilings are … horizontal, so, like a free-standing apartment inside an attic? IT EXISTS OUTSIDE TIME AND SPACE. THE SKYLIGHTS SHOW NOTHING BUT THE GAPING VOID AND, OCCASIONALLY, TENTACLES.

Alternate take : The door leads directly to the sewers and the "skylights" are actually repurposed subway sidwalk grates. The neighbor is an 80-year-old bipedal rat who never sorts his recycling.

@allyzay If you run really fast and jump really high and hit the a/c with your head really hard so you punch it through the wall, you can escape the inferno that surely awaits.

barnhouse (#1,326)

it comes with a pogo stick in lieu of emergency exit

KarenUhOh (#19)

In fairness, it does come with a trap door.

allyzay (#321)

Cool I always wanted to be the kids from Flowers in the Attic

dado (#102)

Even the mice are hunchbacked.

Kobe Wild@facebook (#261,090)

What I would do is buy cheap big screen tv's and hang them on the wall's where you would have liked to had windows. Then hang wireless cameras outside the building.. Or better yet.. stick wireless cameras some place with a better view.. Then Wa-LA… you have the best little crib in new york.

John Herrman (#8,286)

@Kobe Wild@facebook genius, how can I invest in your brokerage

488101787@twitter (#281,984)

@Kobe Wild@facebook "Voila" :\

barnhouse (#1,326)

@488101787@twitter oh, don't be such an old stick-in-the-mud. My own favorite spelling is: "Boo! Alla" which I saw on this message board once.

holdup!holdmyphone! (#274,038)

i would rather eat a raw turkey bratwurst than live there

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