Tuesday, July 1st, 2014

Six Essential Hobby Lobby Products (And Where To Buy Them Now)

Hobby Lobby doesn't want its health plans to provide contraception to its employees, and the Supreme Court says that's fine. So where is a conscientious shopper supposed to go now? Some recommendations.

Doll face with closeable eyes
Try DollsPart Supply!

Plush monkey magnet with very long arms
Try BigZoo!

German Hanomag SDKFZ 251/1 model kit
Try Amazon!

Sock shaper
Maybe try letting your socks be themselves.

Zero birthday candle
Are you zero? You don't need a candle because you do not exist. Are you ten? Just get ten normal candles. Are you twenty or older? You're too old for candles.

"This shirt is illegal" shirt
Draw a cross on a normal shirt. OR: Take off your pants and go outside, which is illegal in even more countries. Happy shopping!

10 Comments / Post A Comment

The zero candle is for the fetus you will be gestating because your employer doesn't cover birth control.

KarenUhOh (#19)

The sock shapers are impregnating the zero birthday candles and creating massive propagations of plush monkey magnets with very long arms, for which we'll need a lot of Hanomag SDKFZ 251/1 kits to defend ourselves, before we all turn into doll faces with closed eyes.

ejcsanfran (#489)

@KarenUhOh: That was the pitch for "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" if I'm not mistaken.

dailyny (#3,326)

"Are you ten? Just get normal candles." Don't tell me what kind of candles to get! Jeeze. I'm ten.

riotnrrd (#840)

Hobby Lobby doesn't want to provide contraception to WOMEN. Men still have vasectomies covered. As well as Viagra.

Crabbycakes (#281,004)

I have an enormous Hobby Lobby within 5 miles. I also am close to a Michaels, from which I can also shop online with reasonable or free shipping. There's no need to go to HL ever again, peeps. Ever ever ever ever. Or at least not until this family starts adopting ALL the unwanted children their religious whims will generate.

BadUncle (#153)

I'd never even heard of Hobby Lobby until this came down. More importantly, I didn't know you could buy a disembodied doll face, and now need a gross of them. Those thing are going on everything! Make everything creepy!

I actually built that German Hanomag SDKFZ 251/1 model when I was, like, 7 or 8 years old or something. And if you need me, I'll be going down the internet wormhole of Tamiya model kits, which apparently is the best contraception of all.

gvprimesinfi (#281,084)

I have been securing top quality properties to grad students over the past several years. Therefore if you're an undergraduate based around the Loughborough area, then check out http://www.primestudentlets.co.uk

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